


To You Whom I Call Brother

by Ashesofthesoul



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Eventual Germancest, Graphic Depictions Of Violence Later On, M/M, dark themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-03-19 08:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 47,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3603201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashesofthesoul/pseuds/Ashesofthesoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh how hatred burned inside me for you! But in that hatred, so too did I pity you. For you were a child, and this is a curse. Never were you to be my brother." Based on a headcanon from Tumblr about nations previously being humans who had died, often in some tragic way, such as illness or accident. Eventual Germancest</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_1806_  
  
“Mother!!” The hoarse cry was weak, barely audible, as a small child of no more than nine years old once more expelled the contents of his stomach, blood tainting the vomit as he once more stained the warm quilt mother had so lovingly and worriedly tucked him under. Tears poured down soft, round cheeks, not yet hardened by age, although no sobs fell. As much as the boy ached to sob, Father had told him to be a big strong boy for him, to be brave. Emmerich didn’t want to disappoint him. Anyone but father, and so he tried his best, put on the best mask a scared, sick child could.  
  
“I’m here, Emmerich darling, mother is here.” Despite a young face, his mother had signs of worry to her. Lines that had started to appear in her otherwise flawless complexion, dark bags had appeared under her eyes in these past weeks. Not that that was altogether unexpected. Father had seemed to age as well, but then, being told your only child was not long for this world would do that. Tuberculosis, the doctor had told the boys devastated parents. All they could do was try to keep Emmerich comfortable, keep him calm in the pain.  
  
Mother sat on the edge of the bed, dipping a rag into the bucket of cool water she had collected from the river, dabbing at his forehead and cheeks gingerly, leaning down to press a soft kiss to his temple. If they could get the fever to break… then perhaps her child would be alright! Ah, but it was a hollow hope, one she knew would only bring her heartbreak, but she couldn’t bear to accept the truth. Not yet.  
  
“Mother, it hurts!” Blonde locks stuck to the boys wet forehead, blue eyes hazy and unclear. Adalene felt her heart further break in her chest, as she carefully scooped Emmerich onto her lap, cradling the small boy in her arms, rocking him soothingly.  
  
“I know, my little angel. I know. It’s alright, Hasi. Mother is here. Close your eyes and sleep, little one. I’ll protect you.” She whispered. Even still- she feared if her little one closed his eyes, he may not open them again. With that in mind, she held him just a little closer to her chest, fingers combing through blonde locks soothingly. He had gotten so small as of late, the illness having turned him from a healthy child his age, to unhealthily scrawny. He was so sickeningly pale, and those blue eyes that had always held such twinkle were dull and lifeless. It pained her.  
  
A small groan escaped Emmerichs lips, as he began yet another violent coughing fit, leaving his throat raw, and him exhausted, his fingers curling into his mothers dress as he felt his eyes growing heavy. “Mother… will you sing to me?” He questioned, his voice no more than a mere whisper now.  
  
“Of course, Hasi…. you just rest in Mothers arms. I’ll sing for you.” She murmured, burying her face in once golden locks, now dulled to lifeless straw, before beginning to quietly sing to him. It was the song she had sung to him when he was a mere infant in her arms, the song her mother had sung to her when she was small. It hurt. Her voice was forced, and she ached to break down, to weep in despair at the state of her child. But she forced herself to continue. Even when she felt him grow limp in her arms, his quiet breath halting and his skin growing cold, she simply gathered him a little closer, continuing her song. Only when she was finished his lullaby did she call her husband. Only then did she cry.

************************

 _1808_  
  
It was dark, and cold. That was the first thing the child noticed upon waking. Not the darkness of a room with closed curtains either, but a blackness he had no memory of experiencing before. It was terrifying, the boy finding his heart seizing up slightly in his chest with panic. Where was he? More so than that- who was he? Air came in short, stale gasps. That was his second observation. Small feet tried to kick out into the darkness, to seek some kind of stable purchase to give him insight into where he was. Clearly by the pressure on his back, he was lying somewhere.  
  
At first there was nothing, and then a quiet _thud_ , as his foot connected with something solid- but not altogether hard- above him. That didn’t make sense. If he was laying down, why was there a hardened barrier above him? The boy began to kick in earnest, letting out shaky short breaths before pausing, hearing a crack in the bottom of whatever this casing that entrapped him was, near those desperate feet. It hurt, he noted with every kick, although right now, his desire to get out of the darkness was far more compelling than the pain.  
  
He didn’t expect the heavy weight that soon fell on his lower half, shifting around him like- dirt? Was that dirt!? One by one the pieces began to fall into place, the child's fear only growing. He was in the ground! Why was he in the ground, he had to get out!!  
  
Small nails began to claw and shove, pushing up shattering, worn pieces of rickety wood, pushing and kicking dirt out of his way. He squirmed almost desperately, managing to get himself somewhat upright, tugging the tattered cloth that lay around his torso over his face as he began to stomp and step on the dirt, trying to continually push it underneath of him. Finally, he could begin to see the beginnings of light pouring through, pushing his way through until finally, his first breath of fresh air-  
  
A scream tore from his lips. It was soon followed by another, and another, until the child's throat was raw. Blue eyes looked around in terror, hazed and glossy with shock, before landing on one solitary grey stone- a headstone. He took no time to read it. He didn’t need to. It was perfectly clear it was his own. He thought not of his lack of knowledge as to who he was- who he had been- or how he had ended up in the ground. Instead, he acted on fear, and fear alone. He began to run, into the thick shroud of trees that lay ahead, an unknown forest. He didn’t look back. He just kept running.  
  
Something didn’t feel right that day. The air was particularly biting, although Gilbert couldn’t honestly say that it was cold. The wind rustled through his silver locks as he rode through the forest, his mare picking up speeds as he directed it through the brush. It was unsettling, to say the least. A sickening feeling sat in the pit of the Prussians stomach, not unlike the normal guilt in nature, but far more intense. Troublesome, as though something big were going to happen.  
  
Gilbert tried to push those thoughts back, tried to enjoy his morning ride. How rarely he got them these days. Since his younger brother had fallen, days had been chaotic.  
His King was a good one, King Frederick Wilhelm the third and his wife were loved by the people, but it was hard, as all things were with the fall of a great empire one was tied so closely to. And Gilbert's patience had been short these past two years, his temper flaring even easier than it had before. He was morose, and guilt ridden, with no true interest in affairs of state. As such, these morning rides were his only real escape, his one chance at peace and quiet.  
  
The screams, bloodcurdling in volume and nature, broke through the silence of the early morning, sending a shiver down the Prussians spine. It wasn’t a sound he was unused to- in fact, it was one he heard often, on the battlefields and in villages and towns ravaged by soldiers, sometimes his, sometimes the enemies. A child's voice, there was no mistaking it. He wanted to turn away, to ride back to the castle and pretend he had never heard it. But something compelled him forward, as he urged his horse on towards the sound. He wasn’t expecting what he found stumbling lost and shivering through the forest.  
  
A small child. He was covered from head to toe in dirt and mud, hair color indistinguishable through the brown filth. Maggots crawled through his hair, and his bare feet and hands were bloody nails torn and broken. But those eyes… those blue eyes that, even glossed over with fear, were so reminiscent of… Gilbert sucked in a sharp breath. No. There was no point in thinking about such things at a time like this. The boy was scrawny, too scrawny, and the crimson eyed man almost found himself scoffing at the fear in the child's eyes as he stared up in terror at the silver haired man.  
  
Rolling his eyes, Gilbert slid from his horse. Already he had his suspicions of who this child was. What he was. The sickening feeling in his stomach only grew, and he found himself biting back the urge to purge his stomach of its breakfast as he kneeled to the boys level, eyes cold. “Boy.” He spoke harshly, no sympathy or compassion in his tone. “What is your name and where do you come from? What are you doing wandering these woods?” He questioned.  
  
He really ought not to be quite so harsh with the child, he scolded himself quietly, it was clear the boy, who could be no more than nine, was terrified, and rightfully so. Even still, there was no keeping the bitter anger from his voice. If he was right… if this scrawny pathetic child was the replacement for the one who had been lost… lost because of him… no. Right now he had more important things to worry about than his self-loathing.  
  
The blonde boy shivered and shook, but didn’t speak. He wanted to- truly he did, so afraid this man, so clearly stronger than him, nobility he’d reckon, would strike him down. But he was unable to, mute from fear or the trauma of crawling out of his own grave, he knew not. Instead, he simply pointed, before timidly reaching out to grab the strange mans hand, tugging him towards the edge of the woods. His lip quivered, the shaking only growing worse as he pointed out into the clearing where the small graveyard sat.  
  
“Why do you not answer me, damned brat?” Gilbert growled out in irritation. Already he hated this boy, whether it was reasonable of him or not, the anxiety in his stomach growing and knotting, heating until it was a burning fury. “If you are truly this impudent, I swear I will-” He raised a hand to strike the child, before pausing at the small, bloodied and mangled hand that hesitantly grasped onto his own. The touch made his skin crawl, but still, he indulged the boy, following behind him, and beginning to walk to the graveyard the child pointed to. All of this was only adding more to his suspicions, but he had to know… had to know for sure. To see for himself that this strange welp was what he thought he was. He glanced back over his shoulder as he realized the hand had slipped from his own. The boy wasn’t following, clutching onto a tree as though it were his only lifeline, his eyes shimmering with pure unadulterated terror.  
  
Gilbert rolled his eyes once more, continuing forward on his own.  
  
It wasn’t hard to find the grave- after all, it was a mess of dirt and shattered wood, the only disturbed plot in the otherwise quiet cemetery. So it was true. This was to be his brothers replacement. And so the ball of hatred in his stomach grew, even as he crouched in front of the cool tablet, brushing off some stray dirt to read the inscription.  
_“Here lies Emmerich Romary Kaltenbach, nine years of age. A loving son, taken far too soon. Rest with angels.”_  
  
At that, Gilbert did snort. At least this child- Emmerich, the stone had called him, had people who cared enough to give him a proper burial. Gilbert had simply woken up in a pile of bones in a long since destroyed village. But he supposed crawling out of your own grave could perhaps be a far more terrifying experience; so with immense reluctance, he could understand the child's fear and silence.  
  
The Prussian turned away from the stone, walking back to the boy, roughly grabbing the boys injured hand, ignoring the wince on his face. Fuck. This frightened welp would never replace his brother. Never.  
  
It was no secret how much Gilbert had hated Dieter when he was alive. He could count the number of times he’d called his brother by name on one hand, far more often referring to him only as little master, a term that at the time had only hold bitter jealousy and ill will. But the boy had still been his brother, and a child the same this. And he hadn’t protected him, not like he was supposed to.  
  
And even through the contempt for this child whose hand he held as he roughly dragged him back to his horse, he swore that this one would not meet the same fate. He could at least provide that. But he would never call this fearful urchin brother. Not like he had Dieter. Not like the child he had all at once despised and adored, hurt and protected. “Come along.” He growled quietly, not looking at the boy beside him.  
  
The child stumbled along beside him silently, big blue eyes staring up at him questioningly, as though asking where he was being taken, even as his lip continued to quiver, his bare feet on the rough forest floor causing him to stumble.  
  
With a low groan, Gilbert eyed the boy- he really was far too slow!- before deciding to hoist him onto his hip, not in move of compassion or care, but one of impatience. “Oh, don’t look at me like that!” He bit out as he sat the child on the horse, mounting it behind him and holding the reins around the child's stomach. “I’m taking you home.”


	2. Chapter 2

Home. That word echoed over and over again in the child's mind as he clung on to the mane of the beautiful stallion. Did he have a home? He was very confused. To the best of the child's knowledge, he didn't even have a name, and the man with the silver hair had not recognized him until the grave he had emerged from had been seen. Perhaps the man was someone he had known before, and he himself had been hard to recognize until the name on the stone had been seen.  
  
The ride itself did not scare the boy, whose fingers gently curled into the soft hair of the mane he was holding, no, it was oddly familiar. Comforting even. The small blonde was simply afraid of angering the man whose chest he sat against on the creature, lest he be left alone to the cold and the dark once more. He wanted to speak, to say thank you, to ask where home was, what his name was, but his voice he could not yet find. The trees began to dissipate, and so too with it went some of the child's fears. He could see light starting to peek through the dim light brush, growing more and more until...  
  
Until they broke free.  
  
The child found himself sucking in a deep big breath of clean crisp air, his first that he'd been able to enjoy since waking in the ground, puffing out his cheeks to hold it, a small amused snicker coming from the man behind him.  
  
In the end, Gilbert couldn't help himself. No matter how much this child brought rage to his stomach, watching the small filthy boy hold his cheeks like that was mildly entertaining, although, he mused, it was more likely he was laughing at the boy, not with him.  
  
"You know, you don't have to hold it. The air isn't going to run out, whelp." He pointed out dryly.  
  
The boy simply looked up at him over his shoulder, giving the older man a look that made his blood run cold and any hint of a smile vanish, his eyes once more hardening. It reminded him far too much of the almost sardonic looks Dieter would so often give him when he was trying to piss the boy off. The looks that almost seemed to question if Gilbert was trying to be mean, funny, or make conversation while making it abundantly clear he was failing at each and every option. Spoiled, arrogant little fucker Dieter had been…  
  
The albino stopped the horse, sliding back an inch from the child. Before the boy had time to silently ask why they had stopped, the man had taken off his coat and wrapped it around the child, covering all but the boys eyes. “We have to ride through the city to get home. You are an absolute mess. You haven’t seen yourself, so I suppose you didn’t notice, whelp, but I will not be seen riding with a child whose clothes are torn, and who is covered from head to toe in blood and dirt.” Gilbert huffed out gruffly as they approached the city, one arm staying around the boys now coat covered stomach to keep him close. The last thing he needed was the kid falling off the horse and everyone seeing. Then he’d have to start explaining who this boy was. He really wasn’t in the mood for such irritation. It was far too early in the day.  
  
The boy remained quiet of course, even as he curled a little smaller into the coat. He didn’t want to be seen anyways. He still didn’t even know who he was. All he knew was the silver haired man behind him, the scary stranger who despite the harsh tone and rough hands, was taking him to a home, his home. Was protecting him. This was the person he could trust the most. Small fingers reached out hesitantly, curling around Gilbert's fingers on the reins, looking up at the man with a timid smile- the first one he’d offered since he’d been found. Or even since he’d woken.  
  
There was a sharp intake of breath from the Prussian, his eyes hardening more and his chest momentarily stilling as his body went rigid. There it was again. That urge to vomit, to scream, to hit this presumptuous little brat who didn’t even know that he was replacing Gilbert's everything, and still had the audacity to so innocently and sweetly touch him. Still, he didn’t force the boys hand away, just stared straight ahead, crimson eyes focused on getting the boy home so he could leave him to be cleaned with the nurses. So Gilbert could flee to the safety of his study and drown this agony with a good stiff drink.  
  
"Welcome home, Hasi." Gilbert told him as they rode up to the palace. Even with the pet name that felt so soothing and familiar to the boy, Gilbert's voice remained cold. But that name... The child had been called that before, he knew he had, but by a softer voice. Regardless, even with the bitter tone, the word brought a feeling of warmth and safety to the little one, who subconsciously cuddled back into the warmth of the albino, not noticing as the man once more stiffened.  
  
His eyes were wide with awe as he saw the palace, tugging on Gilbert's sleeve and looking up at him excitedly, as though to ask if this were home. The albino simply rolled his eyes, glaring down at the boy. “Yes, Hasi, that is home. You really are a pest, did you know that? Of course you didn’t, stupid child, you don’t even know your name.” He muttered crankily- this really was not how he’d been planning to spend his morning ride.  
  
Of course, in hindsight, he should have been expecting something like this to happen sooner rather than later. It was very rare for a power such as Dieter had been to fall as he did and no replacement to appear. And it had been two years- that was generally how long it took the chosen's body to stop the symptoms of post-mortem, and undergo the changes necessary to transition to the body to one of their kind. That could, of course, vary a month or two here and there, Gilbert had observed, depending on how mangled the body was prior to the change. And none of them ever remembered their previous lives, their names, their birth families. None knew how or why they were picked, perhaps it was God himself who decided, as his first master had told him while beating the sin out of him. If so, God was cruel. But no more cruel than Gilbert himself, the albino mused, had he not killed innocents, children before too? Had he not let his own brother, still merely a petulant child, ride to his death?  
  
He'd been hoping no replacement would come. Even as his king grew anxious, even as the whole German Empire became anxious, and rooms were prepared for wherever the expected child would be discovered...  
  
He didn't want to tell his king. He knew he had to though. It wasn't as though he doubted the king would be kind to the child, he knew he would. But this pathetic thing was scrawny and weak. Gilbert would not lose another. He had sworn himself to protect this boy, even through the deep hatred that boiled in his blood. After all, he had found him. That made Gilbert the child's guardian, his family, the one in charge of naming him.  
  
... But he would never call him brother.  
  
Perhaps he could simply train him himself? That was a laugh, as though he had a choice. He had not wanted to become finder of his dear brothers replacement. This child, for all that he reminded Gilbert of the overconfident little bastard, was not his Dieter.  
  
And in the end, it had taken Dieter falling for Gilbert to realize the boy really was his everything.  
  
“Come along, Hasi.” Gilbert’s voice was quiet as he slid off of the horse, lifting the child and bundling him a little tighter in the coat, holding him to his chest as a husband would a bride and carrying him inside, letting the servants return his horse to the stable. Mangled fingers reached out of the coat to curl into Gilbert's pristine white shirt, leaving it bloody in their wake. “Damn brat.” He muttered once more. “Do you know what a bitch blood is to get out? Now I’ll have to clean both my coat and my shirt.”  
  
They were approached by three of the nurses, their eyes wide as tiny blue eyes peeked out nervously from inside the coat, those fingers curling in tighter, the bundle starting to shake. “Now hush.” Gilbert scolded quietly. “These are to be your nurses, you needn’t shake like a wet leaf, urchin.” A sharp pang hit his chest as those blue eyes locked on his own crimson, the child's head giving a nod of understanding- of obedience. He didn’t want to disappoint this man.  
  
“Sir Gilbert… is that….?” One of the nurses dared to ask, her voice breathless with excitement. Could this be the child they’d all been waiting for, preparing a bedroom and clothes for? Could this truly be their new young master? The nurses had been with Dieter the most, and all of the women had adored the boy, adored having the presence of a child who was not royalty in the palace. And he had been such a strange child to begin with.  
  
“Yes, it is.” The Prussian replied, his voice barely concealing his anger at the excitement the women displayed as he sat the child down, using the coat to wipe some of the maggots from his filthy hair before revealing him to the nurses. How quick they were to forget his dear one! To happily move on to a new child to spoil and adore! It made his contempt for the boy now hugging onto his leg shyly all the more intense. Dammit all to hell. Why had he stopped upon seeing the boy? Now he was stuck, with this all too real reminder of his failure to his dear one at his side, guilt over the loss eating him from the inside out. A drink. That was right, he needed a drink.  
  
“Take him to be cleaned. He will not meet Frederick and Luise today. He must be properly taught etiquette as well. Feed the boy and care for him until after supper. When he is in his dressing gown this evening, you may then bring him to my study, and not a moment sooner. Understood?”  
  
The youngest of the nurses, a pretty woman with dark brown hair, of no more than twenty years herself gave a nod. “We understand. Come along, little master.” She murmured, moving towards the boy to try to coax him away from the Prussian. “We won’t hurt you.” She had not expected the swift open hand that met her cheek, staring up at Gilbert in shock as tears welled in her eyes.  
  
“Ludwig.” Gilbert spat out coldly, eying her angrily. “His name is Ludwig. Not little master. He is never to be called that. He will never be little master, do you understand me? He is to be addressed as master Ludwig, or even young master Ludwig. But never little master.”  
  
Gilbert had been debating names the whole trip, Emmerich simply wouldn’t do, none of them maintained any part of their previous life when they changed. He hadn’t fully decided on one up until that point, but hearing the woman use that name…. his dear ones name.. he had spat out the first one he had thought of. Ludwig. It would do. It was a good name for one of their kind. A strong name.  
  
Ludwig. The boys face lit up as his name was spoken, pretending he hadn’t seen the tense, frightening encounter, and obediently taking the nurses hand as he smiled up at Gilbert, giving a sweet little wave goodbye. He had a name! His name was Ludwig.  
  
“Yes sir, I understand.” The scolded nurse replied meekly, staring at the ground even as she felt the little ones hand slip into her own. She couldn’t but smile down at Ludwig, crouching to his level and gently thumbing some of the dirt off of his cheek. “You really are a mess, aren’t you, young master Ludwig? No matter, we’ll get you all cleaned up and looking like a li- young master should in no time!”  
  
“Yes, crawling out of your own grave will do that to you.” Gilbert agreed dryly, a sadistic smile tugging at the corner of his lips at the look of horror on the young woman- Adelaide, he believed her name was- ‘s face.  
  
Adelaide quickly shook it from her face, turning her attention back to the child and leading him down the hall. The cleaning staff would take care of the mess she knew. Her job was to soothe and clean little Ludwig, to make sure he was acceptable to see Sir Gilbert in the evening. “Come along, dear one, we’re going to run you a nice warm bath and get you all cleaned.” She told him, her finger gently laying a tap to his nose.  
  
Ludwig couldn’t help but shyly smile up at this woman- she seemed so kind, and like she honestly cared for him. The nine year old tightened his hand in hers, lighting up at the mention of a bath. A warm one even! But of course, could he expect any less inside a palace?  
  
The other nurse began to warm the water, adding soapy bubbles for the child as Adelaide helped him slide out of his tattered clothing, a small sigh of delight escaping Ludwigs lips as he got into the large washbasin, a quiet giggle escaping him as his fingers began to play with the soapy suds, trying to ignore the pain in the digits. Come to think of it, that was the first actual sound his throat had allowed him to produce. Would he be able to speak again soon? He hoped so.  
  
The child melted into the warm water, obediently letting the nurses wash the dirt and blood from his body, revealing porcelain skin and pinkened cheeks as the dirt disappeared. It would be best, he decided, if he waited until he saw the man once more to try to speak. His hair was next, golden locks revealed as the filth dissipated, Adelaide smiling down at him once more and playfully pinching his cheeks.  
  
“Look at you, young master Ludwig! It seems there’s a handsome little boy under all that dirt after all! For a while, I feared we’d find nothing at all!” She teased him, delighting as the child laughed, growing more and more relaxed around her. “Won’t Sir Gilbert be pleased to see what a handsome kleiner bruder he has when you’re actually clean!”  
  
Ludwig paused a moment, processing this new information. Sir Gilbert, that was the silver haired mans name, wasn’t it? And if he was Sir Gilbert's little brother then… then Gilbert was his großer bruder! He had a big brother, a family! The thought thrilled the blonde, a shrill noise of delight and excitement falling from his lips, all the more eager to let the nurses scrub the dirt from him and clean his wounds, even though it hurt. He wanted to impress his big brother very much with what a clean, obedient little boy he could be.  
  
After his bath, he was dressed in pants and a blouse with an open neck, adjustable with laces, a small coat being put onto his arms. An outfit reminiscent of bruder's, he noted with no small amount of pride. However, he couldn’t help but squirm as his hair was brushed down carefully, blonde bangs falling into blue eyes.  
  
Adelaide gave a quiet sigh as she saw her young master all cleaned up and dressed like the nobility he was. He looked so much like the little master… without a thought she reached out, idly brushing the bangs up and off to the side, making him look far more the noble child. Dieter had always fought them on it, insisted they remain down. Ludwig simply smiled up at her and let her do as she wished.  
  
But then, this child was entirely different, she noted. Whereas everyone in the Palace had been well aware of the tense and often violent relationship between the little master and Sir Gilbert, of the mutual contempt they had held for one another, the younger as much as the older- this child seemed only too eager to please. It was clear from every movement, from the grin when he was told Gilbert was his brother, to the pride that now shone on the little one's face.  
  
“Come along, little one.” She murmured softly, pushing those thoughts back from her mind. “How about we get you something to eat?”


	3. Chapter 3

The ice hit the cool glass with a clink, the alcohol poured on top of it causing it to crackle and fizzle. It was a soothing sound, as the Prussian cradled the cup carefully, moving to sit in the large armchair in front of the fireplace, crimson eyes staring at the dying embers. He really ought to stoke them, but it wasn’t cold enough to require it. Frederick would tell him it was far to early in the day to imbibe himself, but Gilbert cared not at this moment. His thoughts were a mess, and all he could do was desperately try to drown the knot in his stomach. He wasn’t ok. He hadn’t been ok in a long time.  
  
Two years to be exact...His mind whispered, and he shut his eyes tightly. How had it come to this? How had he been so misguided? He hadn’t expected to lose little master. He’d always been able to justify his hatred by telling himself he protected Dieter as much as he was cruel to him. He hadn’t expected his heart to break seeing the boy lying still in his arms. The albino took another long gulp of his drink, willing himself to forget.

*****

 _Gilbert stumbled through the trees weakly, pushing back the branches that hit him as he forced himself to continue moving forward, to pick up the pace. He had to get there in time. “Dieter….” He whispered, one of the rare occasions for the Prussian to use the childs name._  
  
None of them had expected it. After all, it was France. Gilbert had been friends with him for centuries, thought he knew the man inside and out. Had thought he knew Francis’ capabilities. This would surely be an easy fight! But no. Gilbert had been beaten, badly, by a man he once called trusted companion, and left unconscious and bleeding in the rain while Francis went after the real prize- Gilberts little master.  
  
And now it was all Gilbert to do get to him. He had promised him. It was their sort of… arrangement. Both the child and his elder despised each other. But when Dieter was still tiny, still innocent and dear to Gilberts heart, they had taken a blood oath together, Gilbert swearing to protect the younger. Even in his animosity, he held his promise.  
  
‘God, please don’t let me be too late. I can’t be too late.’ Upon finally coming to the clearing, Gilbert could feel his heart freezing in his chest, face paling even more than normal, a feat in itself. There were his brothers men, scattered across the field in a bloody display, the staunch smell of death hanging in the air. That in itself was nothing new. No, it was the tiny lump in the middle by a blood covered sword, black hat laying crushed beside it that had Gilbert running. All of his pain was forgotten as he stepped on bodies, ignoring the sickening crunch it gave, desperate only to reach that small bundle. When he finally did, he dropped to his knees, his breath catching. There lay his brother, his most hated, most cherished person, sticky thick blood staining his black robes from the stab wound in his chest. He seemed so small, the tiny chest not moving, lips parted, glossy blue eyes unseeing as they stared into the sky.  
  
He hadn’t been fast enough.  
  
A distraught cry fell from the Prussians lips as he tore his own coat off, lifting the petite body and wrapping it as he would an infant, tugging the bundle onto his lap. He cradled his lost brother to his chest, sobbing in anger, in heartbreak.  
  
He hadn’t thought it would ever hurt to lose this arrogant little whelp. After all, Dieter vexed him constantly. He was an eternal thorn in Gilberts side, and Gilbert hated him. Gilbert and the other Germanic states did the work, and this little creature got the spoils. Every time.  
  
Except for now.  
  
He was a brat. He took his brothers punches and still stood defiant to the Prussian. He was stubborn to a fault, like Gilbert himself was. He was hated, and hated back equally. He was Gilberts brother. His baby brother.  
  
He was dead.  
  
It was only now, holding Dieters lifeless corpse, that Gilbert was able to appreciate just how small he was. How vulnerable and innocent. Round, soft cheeks. Big eyes. A mere child, forced into such a gruesome life. And Gilbert had broken his promise. He hadn’t been there to protect him.  
Gilbert had hated him. When he was breathing for Gilbert to hate. When his hatred would be countered with some sassy retort, some assurance that this was how they were. That this was normal.  
  
Now he was only left feeling empty.  
  
*********  
  
Clutching his head, Gilbert let out a growl, pouring another cup of liquor. How many had he had now? Four? Maybe five? He wasn’t sure. All he knew was the memories were finally starting to dull in his mind. The guilt, for the moment, was dissipating. It was a relief, the only one he had. God. He had to start actually trying to figure this out. It wasn’t like he could avoid the child- no. Ludwig. - forever, right? The boy was coming to his study this evening. How could he explain the concept of what they were to a scrawny, cowardly child like that? How would the boy ever be able to do the things he’d have to do?  
  
Maybe Gilbert could talk to Frederick and ask him to keep Ludwigs arrival under lock and key until he could teach the child. If he could just shield him until he could see how long this pathetic fear would last… perhaps it was a phase. Maybe it was merely from having crawled out of his grave and not knowing what was going on. Either way, Gilbert would keep a close eye on the situation, even as his mind screamed at him to keep his distance.  
  
That wasn’t exactly a luxury he had. This was his responsibility, his duty. And Gilbert was nothing without his sense of duty. His personal feelings would take a back burner once more, and he would make Ludwig strong, and fierce. As was his job to do. After all- he was nation first and man second. He had known that from the start, and while he often cursed his own existence for it, such was his existence.  
  
An angry noise fell from Gilberts lips as he threw the glass at the wall, watching with an almost quiet relief as it shattered. Yes. That was what Gilbert knew how to do- destroy things. That was all he excelled in. Fighting, chaos, warfare. Blood and violence. Maybe his first master was right. Maybe he really was a demon. But he was sure as hell fit to hold the title of Konigreich Preussen. He had fought tooth and nail for his empire. He was always on the frontline with his men. Every battle, he gave his all. He was not above them, he was with them, and they with him. His people were the one thing he cared more for than his own anger and bitterness.  
  
And now he had this child to worry about. Ludwig. Gilbert was pleased that in his anger he had at least decided upon a suitable name for the boy. Ludwig Frederick Beilschmidt, named not for this king, but for the one Gilbert himself had loved. At least he could give the child that, he planned on pushing this boy to his limits. He expected everything he had expected of his Dieter and more, since this child was the one divinely chosen to replace his little master.  
  
But he would protect the boy. He would not lose another child to the battlefield, especially not one who so irritatingly showed how trusting he was of Gilbert already.  
It made his stomach turn, how Ludwig had looked up at him with those big eyes, a smile on his face even as he was in pain. At least that was a useful trait for their kind to have. And of course there was the matter of the childs lack of speech. That Gilbert would be willing to put money on as a temporary thing, purely shock and fear. Ludwig had adjusted well to Adelaide though, and for that he was glad- that meant he could easily leave the child in their care and be near the little whelp only when necessary.

**********

It was much later when the tiny rap came on the large wooden doors. Ludwig nervously smoothed out the fabric of his white dressing gown once more, breath calm and even. Adelaide had deposited him at the door, kissed his head, and told him not to be afraid. However, she did warn to use his best manners, to be polite and obedient. As though Ludwig could imagine being any other way. Especially with his own big brother!  
  
“Come in, Ludwig.” Came the calm, monotone voice from inside the room, the blonde boy carefully easing the door open and stepping inside, letting it close quietly behind him as he approached the large arm. The nine year old nibbled at his lip for a moment, taking a deep breath before smiling and walking a little closer. He waited until his own blue eyes could lock onto those crimson ones that already made him feel so safe, before parting his lips, taking a deep breath and… “Großer bruder! Look how nice and clean I am!”  
  
Gilbert had forced himself to sober up about an hour ago, knowing he would need a clear head to have this conversation with Ludwig. To tell him his full name, and what he was. The Prussian had planned it out in his head, every word, how he would handle the confusion and fear the boy was undoubtedly going to have. After all, even his dear one had been afraid at first, it was a lot for a child to handle. Even he himself had been afraid when he was first changed. However, the moment the blonde boy came into view, Gilbert found all his thoughts disappearing. Fuck. He looked so much like little master… the golden hair… those twinkling blue eyes, so full of adoration and the desire to please, when Dieters had always been so full of loathing and distaste. And he spoke! Gilbert was pleased with that, of course, it would make things so much easier. It was the words that came that caused the Prussian to once more stiffen. “Ludwig. Come let me look at you.” He ordered, fingers subtly tensing and untensing as he tried to settle himself down.  
  
“Yes sir!” Ludwig chirped. He moved until he was standing in front of the albino, letting the older mans eyes roam over him, giving a little spin and a giggle upon instruction to do so. His eyes were twinkling with a sort of hopefulness. Would Gilbert be pleased with how he cleaned up? He sure hoped so.  
  
“At least you can look the part of a noble child. I’m glad to see you looking less like a street urchin or some pauper.” He praised, and despite the praise, it was cold- somehow an insult at the same time. “Frederick will be very pleased to see you are a fairly handsome boy. One he can be proud of. Now then, come sit.” The Prussian motioned the chair opposite him, watching as the short boy squirmed up onto the tall armchair. He looked entirely too little in it. However was Gilbert going to pass this… this.. baby!... off as a strong nation? God, every weakling within a hundred mile radius would be after this kid, seeing only easy prey to add to their landmass.  
  
The Prussian bit back the odd anger that thought brought him. If he were wise, he would send Ludwig of to Roderich. Or Elizaveta. Anyone else would do, because he sure didn’t want him himself, right? And yet, there it was again. That small ball of rage bubbling in his stomach at the thought of the trusting child being targeted.  
  
“Ludwig.” He began, trying to remember how he had decided to explain all of this. ‘I know you have no real memory of yourself or your life, but you have knowledge of other things correct? What country this is, who is King? Of the wars that have occurred?” He started, crimson eyes locked on cerulean, even as he swallowed down the lump of anxiety in his throat. He could do this. He’d done it before with Dieter, although he had not been the one to find him. No, Vater Germania had handed young Gilbert the boy and told him this was to be the new member of their family.  
  
Ludwig tilted his head curiously, giving a nod. “Of course, Sir Gilbert. We are in the Kingdom of Prussia, the strongest Kingdom in the world!” He chirped, and the albino man had to force the smile that tried to tug at his lips from showing. Good. At least Ludwig already acknowledged his amazingness, perhaps he’d be easier and more obedient to train. “We are currently under the rule of King Frederick and Queen Luise….” There was a pause. “...surely that is not the Frederick I am to meet tomorrow, big brother?”  
  
“One and the same.” Gilbert replied dryly. “Now then Ludwig, what I am about to tell you may be confusing to you, and you will have a hard time believing it. That is fine, but it _is_ the truth. Every nation has one person, Hasi, one person who represents the spirit and the soul of the people. When the nation is strong, they are strong. When it weakens, so too do they. And when it falls….” His eyes hardened once more with grief, and he found himself unable to look the child in the eyes, instead staring into the fireplace. “..so to do they. I am that person for Prussia, little Hasi. I am the Kingdom of Prussia himself, although the humans call me simply Sir Gilbert. That is my name, as an aside. Gilbert Arick Beilschmidt. And you, Ludwig. You are Ludwig Frederick Beilschmidt. You are to refer to me simply as Sir Gilbert, or Prussia, do I make myself clear? I am not your brother. I am not your father. I am not your friend. I am your guardian.”  
  
It was a lot for the child to process. He listened intently, and it was hard to believe. But he had no reason to think Gilbert would lie to him either. Gilbert seemed the type who cared very little for such things. “I understand….” Ludwig murmured softly. However, when the other said he was not his brother, blue eyes looked up, sharp and disappointed. “...Sir? But Mistress Adelaide referred to you as my older brother, and I as your younger. Am I not…” A pause, those eyes turning downcast and staring at his lap as Ludwig fidgeted with his fingers. “..am I not a satisfactory brother for you, sir? She said you would be proud to see I could clean up well.”  
  
“And I am.” Gilbert agreed offhandedly. “It simply makes things easier. She was mistaken. By all technicalities, I suppose you fill the role of brother. But I do not wish to hear that name from your lips. I am your guardian. I have told you what you are to address me as. Do you understand, Ludwig?” His voice was sharp, and harsh, as he pointedly eyed the boy, who gave a meek nod.  
  
“...Yes, Sir Gilbert. I understand. But… if you are the Kingdom of Prussia, and I am… your ward… what does that make me?” Ludwigs soft voice questioned, daring to glance up at the elder once more.  
  
This time, Gilbert did nothing to stop the smirk that tugged at his lips as he leaned forward, resting his face in his palm as his eyes roamed the boy once more. “Ah, but that is where this gets interesting, little Hasi. I have no idea who you represent. Personally, I hope you will become the representative for a united Germanic Empire as one being. Now, I warn you little one, being a nation is no small feat. Child or not, you will be on the frontlines of every battle when we establish your land. For now, you will remain here and train to grow stronger. I will be training you myself, but when I am away to battles, you will be trained by a stand in. You must grow stronger, your current state is a pathetic excuse for one of our kind.” The Prussian made a disgusted face, causing the boy to wince and swear to himself that he would grow. “But you must learn that your men are everything to you. With every battle, you ride with them. You are no better than them, no higher. They are one with you, and you with them, and every life of every citizen in your borders matters an infinite amount. There are none better, none worse.” He warned. “You will see things you will wish you didn’t. You will kill, and you will burn villages. It is best to become cold to that notion early on. All that matters to you is your people, do you understand?”  
  
Ludwig stared at him in horror, tears welling in blue eyes. He understood of course. But he would never… he could never do those things, could he!? Even still, all he could do was shake his head, giving a silent nod of understanding as he once more found himself at a loss for words. He didn’t want to disappoint Sir Gilbert. But surely, he wouldn’t be able to do those things.  
  
“Very good. Then you are dismissed for the night. You are to be in bed and asleep, Ludwig.” Gilbert told him calmly, lifting the child from the chair and carrying him to the door. “You’ve a long day tomorrow getting used to the Palace, and discussions and meetings with Fritz. You’ll soon grow bored of them, and wish for the warfare, I assure you.” He muttered, rolling his eyes before shutting the door once more, leaving a very confused and frightened little boy in the hall.  
  
Rubbing at his eyes almost violently, Ludwig whispered a quiet goodnight to the closed door, before running down the hall to his own chambers, getting into his bed and resting his head on the pillow. But he could not relax, the words Gilbert had spoken creating frightening images of blood and fire in his mind. Ah, but he was exhausted, today had been a long and hard day for the boy. And so, hugging his pillow as though it were his only lifeline, Ludwig drifted into a fitful sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

It was the knock that woke him. At first, Gilbert almost believed himself to be dreaming the tiny rapping noise at his chamber door. With a groan, he sat up, blearily rubbing at his face and crankily swearing under his breath to kill whoever thought it a good idea to disturb the tired nation. “What in Gods name could possibly be important enough to constitute waking me at 3am!?” He hissed out as he threw open the door…  
  
...Just to be met with big baby blues staring up at him. Well. That was unexpected.  
  
“Ludwig, what in Gods name are you doing out of bed?” He questioned, crimson eyes pausing to flicker over the child's face. Tears. Those chubby cheeks were red from crying, and there was obvious tracks left on them from tears. The albino let out a groan, covering his face with a hand and stabbing his fingers through silver locks tiredly. “No. Do not tell me you had a bad dream and decided to come wake me at _3 am_ instead of going the fuck back to sleep?”  
  
A tiny nod, and a whimper was the reply, Ludwig casting his eyes back to the ground. He was, of course, ashamed of himself. He was a big boy, he should be able to sleep on his own, bad dreams or not! But this was a new place, and after he and Gilberts talk, the child had had terrible dreams of war and bodies thrown about the land. And so he had come, padding quietly down the hall as to not wake anyone else, to his guardians door. Continuing to stare at the ground, Ludwig held his breath. Gilbert was going to turn him away, he knew he was going to turn him…  
  
“Well, are you coming in or not, whelp?” Gilbert questioned warily, standing aside to let the little one into his room. Ludwig followed as best as he could, but didn’t move nearly fast enough, Gilbert opting to scoop him into his arms and carry him to the bed. He sat him on it, before getting in beside him. It made his skin crawl, being so near to his dear ones replacement once more. But what choice did he have? After all, it was his own lack of caution in telling the boy what was to come that had caused this, and god forbid Ludwig's crying woke Frederick.  
  
The Prussian rolled so his back was to the blonde, muttering a quiet, “Well, are you going to get into bed or not, Hasi? This is what you were asking to do, am I not correct? To come into my bed?”  
  
“Y-Yes, sir! It was!” Ludwig chirped, rubbing tiredly at tear stained eyes before crawling underneath the covers, blue eyes and a mop of messy blonde hair all that could be seen peeking out.  
  
“Good, then it is settled. You are here, now go to sleep. I warn you, little Hasi, disturb me again before daybreak, and I will be forced to remove your tongue from that pretty little face.” Gilbert warned, crimson eyes closing. The threat was spoken calmly, but there was no mistaking that it was a threat. Shifting slightly, Gilbert let sleep overtake him once more.  
  
“Yes sir.” Ludwig squeaked, tightly shutting his eyes, focusing on the sound of the elders breathing. It was incredibly soothing to the frightened child, who found himself slowly sliding closer, inch by inch until his face was pressed into his guardians back, his fingers curled into the fabric of his dressing gown. Only then did the blonde boy relax, his own breathing slowing and matching Gilberts. Only then did he sleep, feeling safe and warm.  
  
Blonde locks fell loose around his face, his expression innocent and sweet as he slept, even as Gilbert rolled over, strong arms wrapping around the child and pulling him closer, cradling him protectively against his chest. Had he woken, he would have immediately shoved the boy back away, but in his sleeping state, all he could think was of protecting the little one beside him. His face buried in soft golden locks, and, his mind now content that everything was as it should be, a smile crossed his lips.


	5. Chapter 5

Gilbert was next awoken by the sunlight streaming through the window, hitting his face. Clearly he had slept late if the sun was so high already. "Hasi, wake up, we've likely missed breakfast already." He mumbled tiredly, crimson eyes bleary as he rolled over to nudge the boy.  
  
The bed was empty, save for the crumpled blankets were Ludwig had once been.  
  
Gilbert was certainly not expecting the rush of panic that washed over him as he bolted upright, getting to his feet and beginning to look, first in the closet, then under the bed. Surely this was just a childish prank, Ludwig was simply hiding. Nothing could have happened to the boy, not with Gilbert right there beside him! Ah, but how had he been careless enough to not feel the little body vanish from the bed?  
  
"Ludwig, if you are hiding you had best come out, lest I give you such a good walloping that you shan't sit for a month! I am not amused!" The Prussian spoke loudly, his booming voice doing well to express his fury at such games. However, when the boy did not appear, a frustrated noise fell from his lips. Fuck.  
  
The Prussian tugged on his britches and shirt, stabbing his fingers through his hair to at least maintain some air of put togetherness, before throwing open the door and heading out of the wing. He paused only outside of the dining hall, where a small familiar mop of blonde hair caught his eye.  
  
There, right at Fredericks side, sat Ludwig, all dressed for the day, his hair styled back as it had been the day before, quietly eating his breakfast, even as the royal children curiously stared at him.  
  
A smile crossed his features as he spotted his brother, looking up at him.as he spotted the elder, eyes lighting up with adoration. “Good morning, Sir Gil-” He was cut off but the sharp slap to his cheek, the boy staring up at his guardian in confusion, even Frederick wincing slightly in sympathy for the child. “S-sir…?” Ludwig questioned, determined not to cry. Not in front of his King, and his guardian.  
  
“Do not ever vanish like that again.” Gilbert hissed out through clenched teeth, trying desperately to hide his panic. “I thought something happened to you, little Hasi. You are small, and weak, and easily taken. Do not give me such concern again.” The Prussian trembled slightly, whether from fear or anger he knew not. Fear. What a funny thought. He hated this child. Hated him with every fibre of his being, but fuck, it was still a child, and he had almost felt his heart stop in his chest at the thought of losing another.  
  
"Yes sir..." Ludwig whispered meekly, looking down as to not worse anger the older. "You said if I woke you, you'd remove my tongue sir. So when I woke, I found Miss Adelaide and got ready for the day." He explained, voice tiny and timid. He was not upset about the slap, as soon as Gilbert had stated why he received it, the child had realized it was very much his fault. He had scared the elder. Ludwig had the distinct feeling that there was some reason that Gilbert hated him so, one no was choosing to tell him.  
  
Frederick cleared his throat, motioning Gilbert. "Will you be joining us for breakfast?" He questioned his nation, unsurprised when the silver haired man shook his head, muttering under his breath about going on his goddamn morning ride. "Good, I think I will join you." The king smiled and stood, but his face told the other that, once more, he would get no peace in his ride. No no, they needed to have a serious talk.  
  
Gilbert resisted the urge to growl, fingers curling into his sides, tensing and untensing once more as the Prussian man tried to calm himself. It wasn't as though he could lash out on his king. "Of course, Frederick." The albinos teeth were clenched, as he spun on his heel towards the stable, not checking if the king was behind him or not.  
  
It was not until they were on the horses, galloping through the forest, that Frederick finally spoke. "So would you care to tell me what this morning was about?" He questioned, voice gentle- he knew if he pushed too hard, Gilbert would shut down.  
  
"The little whelp came to my bed last night with night terrors." Gilbert muttered. "It makes my skin crawl to be near him... But I let him stay. Purely because I remember my own fright hearing what being a nation must be. I remember little masters fright, so I let the child stay and I kept him safe. But when I awoke, he was not there. And I thought..." The man shuddered, crimson eyes pained at the thought. "Hatred or not, he's a child. A pathetic, weak child. Little master... Little master was a child too. And I.... I hated him, God, you know how much I hated that arrogant little bastard. I did the work and he got the praise. But he was a _child_. And he was _mine_! And I didn't protect him...." The last part was hardly audible, Gilbert slipping from his horse. He clutched his head, trying once more to bite back the agony. He was doing a poor job of it, his eyes mirroring the pain he felt. “And everyone was so excited for this little fucking brat to show up, even though he was _replacing_ my dear one, and you all seemed very content with that! As though Dieter was forgettable, and he wasn’t…but then, none of you were there. I held him, Frederick, I held his cold little body in my arms, and his face was so scared and so pained, even in death. And I wasn’t there to protect him. I failed my only little brother! Why can’t anyone understand how that feels!? To hold a child so small in your arms and know you are the reason he’s dead?? I hated him… I hated him… fuck, I loved him so much.”  
  
Fredericks arms were around him then, hands patting his head gently and pressing his nations face into the crook of his neck, the Prussian finally breaking down. Sobs fell from his lips, fingers curling into the younger mans shirt much the way Ludwigs had into his own, his body shaking. It hurt, and finally, he let his hurt out, expressed his guilt and self hatred over Dieter.  
  
Held safe by his King, the Prussian wept for all he had lost.


	6. Chapter 6

Days turned to weeks, passing by as in a rush. That first month was hectic, and Ludwig did his very best to adjust to everything he was being introduced to, even though it was a great deal for the child to take in. The king had taken to him, Gilbert told him. That was a good thing, it was so much easier when you had a boss who liked you.  
  
With each passing day. the blonde boy got on more of a schedule. Breakfast with Frederick and Luise, then morning etiquette lessons. After etiquette lessons were fighting lessons with Gilbert. Ludwig hated his fighting lessons, it was essentially three hours of being beat up and told how scrawny and pathetic he was. But it was Gilbert doing the beating, and so Ludwig took it with a smile, trying his best to follow instructions and land a hit back on the elder man.  
  
Gilbert didn’t believe in taking it easy on him. Dieter had been far younger when he was trained, and he’d been able to handle it just fine. It was three weeks after they began, and a day when Ludwig was tired and grumpy, having had night terrors even in Gilberts bed, that he finally landed his first hit. Gilbert had been berating him once more, saying he’d never be a proper country being as pathetic as he was, and how he wished to have a stronger little brat to deal with, and the blonde child had snapped.  
  
He hadn’t realized what he’d done until the Prussian was lying on the muddy ground on his back, an amused smirk on his lips. “So, little Hasi finally gets pissed off!” He mocked, crimson eyes twinkling with more pride than he cared to admit he had felt. But Ludwig had done well, he’d gone straight for the knees. What Gilbert hadn’t expected was what had come of that mocking.  
  
He’d expected the kick to the back of the knees that had taken him down had been enough to appease the boy. But at his words, blue eyes filled with irritation, the child jumping forward to straddle his elders stomach, tiny fists flying into Gilberts face, until dark marks remained on the pale, perfect skin. “I’m not pathetic!” He screamed. “I’m not weak, and I’m not scrawny! I’m just a little boy, Gilbert, not an adult like you, I’m not as big as you, I’m not as tall as you, that doesn’t make me weak, it makes you pathetic for thinking yourself so skilled for beating on a child!”  
  
He glared down at the Prussian, chest heaving with pants, eyes holding fire. “Why are you so mean to me all the time!? You’re my brother, but you don’t let me say it. You hit me with the littlest provocation, and you don’t even have the decency to tell me why! I know something happened, thats why Miss Adelaide isn’t allowed to call me little master, isn’t it?” Another fist landed on Gilbert, this time on his chest, the child beginning to beat at it out of frustration. “And they won’t tell me why you’re so cruel, what have I ever done to you, big brother!? Was I terrible in the days before I can remember? Surely I did something to deserve this!”  
  
And then Gilbert was holding him, strong arms winding around the child and sitting up, pressing Ludwigs face to the crook of his neck and holding him tightly, almost too tightly. “Shut up.” He whispered into his hair. “Stupid little Hasi, you think you understand so much. You don’t. You don’t understand a damn thing, and you’re just going to have to trust me, even when I’m cruel.” He told him, letting soft blonde locks brush his nose. He hated this boy. He hated him so much, hated touching him. But he also hated anyone being near him, the affectionate smiles Frederick would give the child. He had never been possessive before, not with little master. But since Dieter, every man he saw near Ludwig was simply a potential threat. Someone who could steal the child away, who could break Gilbert once more, and he couldn’t bear that.  
  
“Little Hasi…” Gilberts voice was quiet and muffled against Ludwig, even as the youngers fingers curled into him and clung. “My hatred for you is very little to do with you yourself.” He swore. “I didn’t even know you before I found you that day, dear little one. You’ve done nothing for my cruelness, sans for being what you are. Who you are. And I won’t stop hating you. But for now… I need you to shut the fuck up and let me hold you.”  
  
And Ludwig did. He melted into his brothers arms, winding his own around the albinos neck and clinging on for all he was worth. This was the first real affection he’d received awake, and it was a comfort. He received affection from his nurses of course, but this was the person he wanted to impress so badly. The child didn’t speak, able to pick up on enough to know that right now, whatever Gilbert felt towards him, the Prussian man needed this just as much as he did.  
  
Long, nimble fingers carded through golden locks, chapped lips pressing idle kiss after idle kiss to the boys head. “If you ever mention that I did this…” He warned. “I’ll have no choice but to punish you, little Hasi. It changes nothing.” Even still, the usual poison was missing from his tone, as he pulled the boy closer.  
  
“Of course, big brother.” Ludwig mumbled into his chest. He wouldn’t breathe a word of it. He’d much rather hold onto this new knowledge that while Gilbert claimed to hate him; that hatred was almost like a complicated affection in itself. He promised himself, he’d figure it out. He’d find out what had happened before he came, and he’d help Gilbert be ok once more.


	7. Chapter 7

It was weeks later that Gilbert first had to leave since Ludwig had appeared. It was nothing major, simply that he had to leave for a meeting with the other Germanic states. He would be gone two weeks, something he said as though it were nothing, but to Ludwig that was forever! Frederick and Gilbert had discussing it for sometime, in hushed whispers in Gilbert’s study, where Ludwig could not hear. Technically, the child should be there. They acknowledged that fact, truly they did, but neither was quite ready to reveal the existence of the little one to the other personifications yet. He hadn’t completed his training, and both were aware the likelihood of him being harmed was high.  
  
They wouldn’t be able to hide him forever, of course. Both Frederick and Gilbert knew that. But when they finally revealed him, they wanted to show a strong boy who could easily represent a unified Germanic Empire in the future. Of course, it wouldn’t be instant. There would be talks, revolutions, battles. There always were, and Gilbert more than anyone wanted to make sure Ludwig was ready to handle that as a nation properly should. He wasn’t there yet.  
  
And so, Gilbert had kneeled to Ludwig’s height and told him to behave himself, or there would be hell to pay. He’d explained that Ludwig would be in training with a stand in until Gilbert returned, and that when he returned, he expected the boy’s normal lessons to have gone well.  
  
“I also expect to come back and not find out you’ve been sleeping in my bed, do I make myself clear, little Hasi? And I will find out if you have.” He told him sternly. He’d kept his word that day, nothing had changed his hatred and cruelness for the boy. And yet- in other ways, Gilbert wondered if he spoiled the child entirely too much. How many nights did Ludwig crawl into his bed and cuddle up to him? Entirely too many, it was becoming a nightly occurrence.  
  
Gilbert had tried to turn him away once or twice, but Ludwig had clutched onto the edge of his dressing gown and looked up at him with such big, desperate eyes that he had eventually caved. He told himself it was merely out of not wanting the child to disturb anyone else. Simply an appeasement, but deep down, he knew that wasn’t entirely correct.  
Ludwig, despite looking similarly to his precious little master, was a very different child, as Gilbert was quick to learn.There was no temper tantrums, no cold words, not after that first outburst. This boy didn’t tell him how worthless he was, but rather looked at him with such adoration. As though Gilbert were the end all be all to Ludwig’s world, which truthfully wasn’t far off the mark. And he was a boy so full of wonder. Dieter had been a bitter, mature child, dry witted and quick to point out fault. Ludwig was all innocent. He looked at the world through such big, awestruck eyes that some days, it took not only Gilbert, but Frederick and the boy’s nurses by surprise as well.  
  
How many times had Gilbert found himself watching the boy as he played outside, chasing butterflies or picking flowers, only to find he had been smiling the whole time? It was unsettling. After all, the last thing Gilbert would acknowledge was growing a soft spot for the sweet child. He was, however, willing to acknowledge the growing possessiveness and jealousy he felt over the boy. How often did he find himself tugging Ludwig just a little closer to him with Frederick was praising him? Scowling and glaring at the nurses when they bathed him and gave him such warm affection?  
  
God, he’d been turning to his alcohol and his pipe far more often than he really ought to, keeping the brandy in him to keep his mood even. After all, without it, he would readily make life a living hell for every person in the Palace, himself included.  
  
Just something about Ludwig made him far more possessive than he cared for. It didn't matter that half the time, the most innocent touch from the blonde boy made Gilbert ache to either vomit, or hit the little one until he begged for mercy. Because he knew, even if he did, Ludwig would still look up at him with such adoration on his little face that Gilbert found it hard to breathe.  
  
The Prussian man wanted to be the only one Ludwig looked at like that. It was greedy and selfish of him, he knew that. But he didn't care. Ludwig was his little Hasi, no one elses, and so it was only fair that he be the only one allowed to see such emotions on the tiny, cherub like face.  
  
These were Gilbert's thoughts as he rode away from the palace, glancing back one last time with a feeling of unease. Would Ludwig be alright without him? After all, the boy clung to him constantly, happily followed him like a puppy, even when Gilbert was harsh or downright cruel. And this was their first time being apart.  
  
The Prussian had told his brother not to sleep in his bedchamber whilst he was away, but already he knew that would be the one order Ludwig would break. Already, he could see in his head the little one sneaking in and curling up in Gilbert's usual spot, cuddling down into it.  
  
He really was an incorrigible little whelp.  
  
But Gilbert found himself minding less and less as the days stretched on. There had only been one night he'd been particularly irritated with Ludwig's sleeping habit.  
It had been a long day for the Prussian, and that evening he'd gone into the city and found himself a real pretty girl. Gorgeous green eyes, long auburn curls. A foreigner, he reckoned. She'd told him her name was Erin, and a few drinks later, they'd been stumbling through the palace towards his chambers together, his arm around her and his lips at her ear, whispering all the things he'd planned to do to her...  
  
Just to find a small, blonde headed bundle in its normal spot.  
  
Gilbert had inwardly groaned, pale hand lifting to rub down his own face in exasperation. Not tonight. Any night but tonight. After all, how long had it been since he'd taken the time to bed a woman? It was constantly meetings and battles and Ludwig. He damn well needed this, and the little bastard chose tonight to end up here!  
  
Sighing and carding his fingers through silver locks, he had turned back to the fiery beauty, offering a sheepish smile. The slap that ensued had echoed through the air, leaving Gilbert muttering in irritation under his breath as he changed into his dressing gown, neatly folding his clothes and getting into the bed next to the little one, gathering the small body to his chest as he did every night and burying his face in soft blonde locks. "You, little Hasi, are the tiniest cock block I have ever known." He had grumbled into the silence as Ludwig simply smiled, and continued to sleep.  
  
Gilbert groaned at the memory, a sigh falling from his lips. If Dieter had ever pulled a stunt like that, the Prussian would have beaten him black and blue. But not Ludwig. He'd simply given the blonde dirty looks all day.  
  
At least while he was away, there'd be no little cock block and he'd finally be able to relieve some of his stress. That was a God send in and of itself.  
  
Ludwig would be fine, he finally told himself. He'd still have Adelaide at his side, and Luise had decided upon treating the little nation no different than one of her own, much to Gilbert's irritation. Yes. He'd be fine. Pushing the concerns from his mind, he finally let the palace disappear from sight behind him.

**********  
It was during this time that Ludwig had begun his mission to find the truth. Being a very sweet, polite, and obedient little boy, it was no great surprise how many of the palace employees had developed a fondness for him, something the blonde boy had not missed. For all Gilbert's berating of the younger nation, he had missed something very crucial.  
  
Ludwig was far from stupid.  
  
He knew exactly how to wind these people around his little finger, and that was exactly what he did. The blonde started with his nurse, curling up on the young brunettes lap and snuggling into her the way he so often did. "I wish you were my mother, Miss Adelaide..." Ludwig had murmured in a woeful tone, curling his fingers into her own, even as he rested his head against her shoulder. "I think I'd be a very lucky boy to have such a pretty sweet mutti. I don't remember mine, and all I have is big brother, who is so very mean to me. I don't even know what I did to make him hate me so!" His lip quivered, letting tears well up in their eyes.  
  
A flushed danced over the woman’s face, as she nuzzled the child lightly. She was, of course, flattered by the sweet words the child spoke, her thumbs gently brushing the tears away as they came and cradling the child a little closer. “Oh, now now, don’t cry, little darling! It isn’t your fault, you’ve done nothing wrong, I promise you.” She swore. “He was the same way with Dieter, Sir Gilbert has a very hard time with emotions that aren’t anger.” She didn’t realize her mistake until it was far too late, covering her mouth with a squeak. “You mustn’t tell him I mentioned Dieter to you, do you understand me, little Ludwig!?”  
  
Ludwig gave a nod, snuggling with her a little while longer, hiding the satisfied smile he felt tugging at his lips. When he was done, he kissed her cheek, and ran off to continue his mission. That had at least given him a name, a place to start.  
  
His lessons helped a great deal as well. He was required to learn about the wars of the past century in his homeland, and one in particular had struck him as curious. After all, it had only been recently that it had ended- but it had caused the fall of the great Holy Roman Empire. Ludwig had paused a moment, thoughtful as his tutor spoke. If big brother was the personification of the Kingdom of Prussia, was it possible there was a personification of Holy Rome as well? Another big brother? If so, why did Gilbert never speak of him?? Gilbert had told him when a nation falls, so too does its personification, so he supposed that could explain why he’d never been told.  
  
After his lessons, he wandered through the halls of the Palace, not stopping until he reached Frederick's study, timidly knocking on the King's door. “Why, Ludwig. What brings you here?” The man had questioned gently, patting the child’s head lightly.  
  
“I was wondering- there’s lots and lots of paintings around the palace! Are there any portraits of big brother Gilbert?” The boy had questioned, putting on his best face of innocent cuteness. After all- if he could find a portrait of Gilbert and another, he’d have his answer right!?  
  
“Of course there are, little one. They’re mostly in the East Wing, why don’t you go ahead and take a look.” Frederick chuckled at the boy’s enthusiasm as he watched Ludwig run off excitedly down the hall. Honestly, he hoped Gilbert would come around soon. After all, Ludwig seemed a lot more agreeable child than Dieter had ever been, and yet still, Gilbert treated him so harshly. Although, the King mused, it seemed the Prussian nation was starting to warm up to the boy, although it was clear that in itself irritated the man worse.  
  
Ludwig hummed happily to himself as he wandered down the East wing hall, his eyes observantly taking in every painting, looking for that face that he was missing so badly right now. It had to be around here somewhere…  
  
Aha!  
  
He hadn’t been prepared for what he had found though. A painting of Gilbert and a child who looked very similar to him, maybe a year or two older? This was it. This was the reason Gilbert so hated him. Dieter, the Holy Roman Empire. There was no denying that that was who the older boy must be! And he had fallen. Ludwig was… he was just to take over where Dieter had left off, wasn’t he?  
  
The thought panged his chest. He wasn’t here for some divine reason. He was simply to replace a dead boy. Not just any dead boy, but Gilbert’s _real_ brother. No wonder the Prussian man was so cold to him. Turning away from the portrait, Ludwig ran away as fast as he could, biting back the tears. It was only that night, curled up in Gilbert's spot in the bed they so frequently shared, that the little one wept, agonized cries falling from his lips. He would never be enough. Never, how could he possibly live up to the things that child had done?  
  
Clinging to Gilbert’s pillow desperately, and allowing the scent of his brother to calm him, Ludwig finally drifted into a fitful sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Ludwig was acting different. Strange, and not in a way that Gilbert was pleased with. He had been noticing it more and more in the week since he had returned home. The blonde boy was distant . He wasn’t even following Gilbert around anymore! He’d first noticed it the very first night back, when, at bedtime, he’d prepared for the child to show at his door, but Ludwig never came. Almost never did the little one sleep in his own bed, and the Prussian man had anticipated that after he’d been gone so long, little Ludwig would be particularly clingy to him. Surely it was some kind of mistake. The boy would come the next night!  
  
But he never did.  
  
Gilbert was surprised to find his bed actually felt too big without the small child to cuddle, the room feeling almost empty. Not that he enjoyed Ludwig sleeping there, but he'd admit the extra warmth was nice.  
  
He'd even admit that he might have been looking forward to having the little one who so adored him there after having to deal with his older and far more upsetting siblings. The ones who still saw it fit to tell him that he had failed his dear one. As if he didn't know. As if they had known Dieter at all. They had all ignored the child, save for Roderich and Elizaveta, but they were a whole other set of fury from the Prussian. After all, they were the ones who had taken his dear one, and turned him against Gilbert.  
Gilbert found himself sleeping fitfully at night.  
  
But the days were no better. Ludwig saw Gilbert in his fight lessons, but apart from that, the boy seemed to avoid him like the plague. If he saw the elder man coming, he bolted the other way, leaving the Prussian to stew in his own irritation. The silver haired man interrogated the nurses and staff as to what had occurred while he was away, and even the king himself, but no one seemed to know what motivated the child's behaviour.  
  
Finally Gilbert couldn't take anymore.  
  
The two were in their fight lessons when the elder nation noticed it; every time he touched Ludwig, the blonde would flinch. Not in pain either, rather he'd reel back as if scalded.  
  
Gilbert lost it then, slamming the child into the hard stone wall, ignoring the soft cry of pain that fell from Ludwig's lips as he did so, and glaring down at him, rage in his eyes. "What the fuck is your problem?!" He spat angrily. "Are you suddenly disgusted by me, kleiner bruder? Have you too fallen to the notion that I'm worthless? God, I should have fucking known you'd turn out just like..."  
  
"Like Dieter?" The child whispered in a quiet voice, staring at the ground, his eyes welling with tears. "That's what you were going to say, wasn't it?"  
  
Gilbert's eyes hardened at the name, his face dangerously calm. "Where did you learn of Dieter?" The Prussian questioned, and Ludwig shivered in fear, his brothers voice was scaring him!  
  
“I saw the portraits in the East wing, Sir Gilbert.” Ludwig didn’t even try to call him brother, instead using the name he’d been told from the start. “That’s why you don’t like me. I’m just… I’m nothing to you but a nuisance, a stupid little boy that is only even a replacement to everyone else. No one really cares about me as a person, do they?” A small whimper fell from his lips, and before Ludwig knew it, he was sobbing, his body shaking. “You don’t care about me. All you do is yell at me and put me down. Miss Adelaide and King Frederick don’t really care, they’re just happy I’m here to replace that little boy. I’m not him! I’m not! I’m my own person, not a replacement, and I want to go home!”  
  
Gilbert stared at the child a moment, unsure if the tight lump in his throat was from guilt or anger, although he preferred the latter. "You're fucking right you aren't him." He breathed out, his voice quiet. "You will never be him, or anything like him. None the less, this is home, Hasi. Here with me is home. Here with your big brother- that's where you belong. We are...." The Prussian had to force the word out, god, it felt like poison in his mouth. "We are family. Brothers, whether I care for it or not. Despite my resentment that you replace my dear one..." Gilbert kneeled in front of the little blonde, gently cradling his face as crimson eyes locked onto cerulean, his voice harsh with emotion and the frustration of trying to put his thought to words. "You are mine. You are not Frederick's. Not the silly nurses. And not anyone else's who tries to steal you. You are mine, as I am yours. Do you understand?" He questioned roughly, even as his thumbs gently caressed the child's face. "You are mine, dear Hasi. Until the day I draw my last breath, you are mine to protect."  
  
The boy wouldn’t understand. Of course he wouldn’t, so young, so new to the ways of nations and their politics. He would learn. Gilbert could only hope it’d be a while longer, that the child would have time to grow physically older before the albino had to sit him down and explain how allegiances worked. That when Ludwig became a united German Empire, Gilbert as Prussia would form an allegiance with him so the older nation could keep the still vulnerable younger nation safe. That this would require them to be wed, on paper alone thankfully. The same as Gilbert had been wed to Dieter. The same as he had been wed to others in the past.  
  
Would he be lucky enough to get enough time before then that the boy would at least no longer be a child, frightened and confused? That he’d understand that it changed nothing, that Gilbert was still his brother, was only his brother, but was his husband on paper so their nations were united?  
  
Gilbert could hope, but then, the universe, or maybe it was God himself, seemed to rarely smile in his favor.  
  
Ludwig stared at the man in front of him with wide eyes, full of confusion and caution. How could a man who claimed to so hate him say so fervently of his ownership of the boy? And of Ludwig's ownership of his elder brother in return? He hadn't really considered it before, that Gilbert could be his. Somehow, the thought made the breath catch in Ludwig's throat, his blue eyes widening even more and his body staying perfectly still as the hands so tenderly cradling his face tugged him closer, chapped lips pressing a kiss to his forehead, to his pale eyelids, across rosy cheeks, before laying their lips to one another in a chaste, careful kiss. "I understand." Ludwig breathed out quietly, a wistful smile tugging at Gilbert's lips.  
  
"No, little Hasi, you don't. There's so much you don't understand, and that is alright. You will someday. For now, stay innocent and naive. Stay safe in that precious ignorance, my little one." Gilbert's thumb once more brushed the boys face, his smile almost pained. "And remember, my little Hasi, that even when I am cruel, I am yours. I have promised myself to you alone, pledged myself to you as I hope you will to me. This is my solemn oath." It was Gilberts way of assuring both the boy and himself. Someday, Gilbert knew, they would be wed. And this was the Prussians way of swearing to protect this child and his dear, pure heart from the bitter cold he had let Dieter be consumed by.  
  
It wasn’t until much later, when Ludwig was alone in the library, curled up in the large chair in front of the fireplace that he allowed himself to think of what had occurred earlier in the day. After all- that had been quite a big leap of progress with the elder. Ludwig had not thought the warrior had even noticed that he was avoiding him, or at least certainly would not be put out by it.  
  
And then there was the kiss, pressed so carefully to his lips.  
  
While Ludwig could not understand everything, as Gilbert has said he wouldn’t, even he could not mistake the significance of that kiss. It was the sealing of the oath Gilbert had made to him, a practice he’d seen the elder do with others in the boring meetings he was forced to attend. And there, in the quiet of the library, Ludwig made his own oath. He’d seen a different side of his brother today, one that was aching and hurting. He’d realized it as soon as he’d realized what he himself represented, what pain his mere presence must have brought the elder. And yet Gilbert shouldered the burden of it all, alone, and with a quiet dignity. He bore the weight of his own loss, of his own suffering, as well the responsibility of his people, of his nation, of those who depended on him. He bore Ludwig's weight too, even when he was cruel and harsh.  
  
And so the boy swore that he would help shoulder it. That he would do everything in his power to be there for his brother, to comfort him and ease his sorrow until the elder could smile without force. He didn’t want Gilbert to waste his emotions on anger and pain, but rather to let the younger nation ease that sorrow, and as such, lift that weight.  
  
And that night, as the Prussian lay asleep in bed, finally content that his little one was safe beside him once more, Ludwig leaned over and pressed a kiss the same as the elder had given him to Gilbert's lips, before rolling over and cuddling close, content that his own oath was solidified.


	9. Chapter 9

“I told you to not push yourself so hard.”  
  
“Oh, _do_ shut up, won’t you, Hasi? I don’t believe anyone asked for your opinion, impudent brat.”  
  
Gilbert had been running himself damn near into the ground as of late. It seemed like every time Ludwig turned around, the Prussian was in a meeting, or in his own fighting practices, or scouting through the woods he had found Ludwig himself in, as though he were bracing for something. The tension was thick in the castle, it was clear something was happening, although little Ludwig had no clue of what. Gilbert seemed more on edge, more quick to snap. But there was worry in those crimson eyes, and it did not sit well with the blonde boy, now curled up on the ground at his brothers feet in the elder man’s study.  
  
Nimble fingers eased the silver haired nations boots off carefully, making a tsking noise of scolding and sympathy as Ludwig noticed how swollen his brothers ankle was. “I told you there was a puddle there. I tried to warn you, big brother, but did you listen? Now look what your pride has done to you.” He rolled his eyes, not even caring of the disapproving glare he got from the elder at his disrespectful tone. “I don’t like seeing you in pain, big brother, and now you’ve gone and sprained your ankle, so do sit still and let me take care of it?”  
  
It was one of the things his nurse had been teaching him, how to bandage and care for minor wounds. She had been surprised when the little one had asked to learn, citing that he wanted to be able to properly care for his men on the battlefield should they be injured- Dieter had never cared for his humans quite to that degree. And so she had taught him.  
  
Ludwig eased the leg of his brothers trousers up, reaching for the roll of bandages beside him. “Now, I need you to stay still. I don’t want to hurt it worse.” He warned, rolling his eyes at Gilbert’s wince as the bandage began to be wound around the injury, slowly and steadily, until it was bandaged completely. “The Great Kingdom of Prussia, looking as though he’ll cry from a simple sprained ankle. Imagine.” Ludwig teased with an impudent grin, pressing a kiss to the injured ankle before fixing the elders trouser leg. After all, Gilbert and Miss Adelaide always kissed his injuries, it was only right to return the sentiment.  
  
The blonde moved to fix his brothers drink then, bringing it back to him and crawling up into the silver haired man’s lap, small fingers moving to the elders shoulders and beginning to work out the knots they found there, causing a groan of relief to escape the older man’s throat. The little one really was entirely good at coaxing the pain to leave him, until he remained fully relaxed.  
  
A chuckle fell from Gilbert’s lips, as he turned his head to nuzzle the blonde working so diligently, truly he couldn’t stay irritated with the boy. “You do spoil me, dear little Hasi.” He teased, pressing a kiss to the blonde covered forehead. “But I tell you again, I am fine. I assure you I’ve suffered much worse, little one, you needn’t waste your energy on an old man like me.”  
  
“Old.” Ludwig snorted, rolling his eyes once more. “Big brother, the only thing old about you is your hair, and even then, you look younger than half the nurses. Old, he says. Imagine. Besides, I do this because I wish to. You are as much my master as my brother, and I wish to serve. Is not servitude a quality I must learn to serve my people?” He questioned, blue eyes locking on crimson.  
  
Gilbert’s eyes softened as he took in every word the younger spoke, before tugging him away from his shoulders, getting the boy situated on his lap, cuddled into the older mans chest, arms protective and strong as they held him. “Oh little one… you truly are too kind to me. Yes, sweet Hasi, that is an important thing to learn. But you are young, and still have much to learn. You needn’t waste your time caring for me, I assure you, I am strong enough to care for myself.” He was unprepared for the frown of disapproval the little one gave him.  
  
“We are brothers! And you care for me! When I scrape my knees, you bandage them and kiss them better, even if you do grumble about me being a crybaby. It has to go both ways, or you’ll return to hating me, I know it. I do not want you to resent me as though you do all for me and I none for you. I want our care to be equal. I know there is much I can’t yet do that you do for me. I can’t fight for you as you fight for me. I can’t protect you, I’m not big enough. But I can care for the small problems, and ease your worry and tension. You’ve been on edge, and I don’t know why.” Ludwig protested, his face completely serious.  
  
“Hasi, I promise you, it’s nothing to worry about. Simply grown up pro…” Gilbert was interrupted by a knock on the door, setting the child to his feet and answering it. Oh God, what now? Surely this was not about that feeling he’d been having in his gut. He could hope. And hope he did, praying quietly that the feeling had been wrong this past week.  
  
“Sir Gilbert? King Frederick told me to fetch you immediately, you and the little one both. There’s a… well. You just need to come sir.”  
  
Gilbert gave a curt nod, dismissing the servant before turning to Ludwig, taking his hand and crouching to look into his eyes. “Little one, I’ve the feeling this situation is less than pleasant. So I need you to stay close to me, alright? If you’re too far for me to reach out and grab, you need to move closer. I need to be able to protect you if something happens. Do you understand? Just this once, I will grant you permission to hide against me.”  
  
The child nodded, nervousness filling his eyes. What could be bad enough that it had big brother quite this much on edge? He’d never seen the Prussian man quite like this before, and it was more than a little bit frightening.  
  
Gilbert smiled at him soothingly, calloused hands moving to cradle his face, stroking over porcelain skin soothingly. “Shhh, don’t fear, sweet little Hasi. I will never let anything harm you or take you from me. Remember our oath? I am yours, and you are mine. No one will change that, I swear it to you.” He pressed a gentle kiss to the boys head, before taking his hand once more. “Come along, little Hasi. And remember, stay close. Perhaps it is nothing.”  
  
The moment they hit the grand entrance, Gilbert realized just how wrong those words were. It certainly was something, and it was far from good. His eyes hardened, jaw setting as he tugged Ludwig behind him, the boy clutching onto his brothers coat tails and peeking out curiously.  
  
Standing there in front of them was a couple, or at least it seemed a couple to the blonde boy. A man with dark brown hair and a face far too serious for Ludwig's liking, and a pretty lady with brunette curls that hung down her back. She seemed far more gentle, a sweet smile on her lips, although there was no mistaking the tension in her either, the child noted. Who were these people and why did big brother get so angry looking when he saw them?  
  
“Roderich. Elizaveta.” Gilbert deadpanned, his tone wary and cautious as he reached behind him to clasp onto Ludwig's hand once more, giving a little squeeze. Whether it was to soothe his brother or himself, he knew not. “Whatever horrible thing have I done to have God send you here as a punishment?” He questioned dryly.  
  
Roderich glared right back. “You didn’t inform us. That’s him, isn’t it? That’s the child, and you couldn’t even be bothered to write a letter to inform us that the new one had appeared. We’ve both felt as though something was off lately, and the moment we figured out what it was, we came. He’s not yours to selfishly hide. You can’t hide him from the others forever.” He pointed out.  
  
“Shut up.” Gilbert hissed. “You think I would inform you while he was still small and weak? After what happened? Are you mad! And don’t even think you are taking my Hasi from me, because I will cut you to ribbons if you so much as lay a hand on one hair of his little head!”  
  
Both Elizaveta and Roderich raised a brow, surprised at the threat. Gilbert had never been that protective of Dieter. He’d fought when they’d taken the boy away, but not so violently, so possessively.  
  
“Gilbert darling, do you really think you should be talking like that in front of the child?” Elizaveta questioned softly. “He’s probably already confused and afraid.” She stepped forward, crouching to smile at Ludwig, who was still peeking out from behind his brother. “Hello, little one. What is your name? I’m Elizaveta, and I represent Hungary, same as your brother represents Prussia. That man over there is Mister Austria.” She paused, emerald eyes locking onto Gilberts own crimson. “Why don’t I take the child to another room while you and Roderich talk? He doesn’t need to be frightened by any of this.”  
  
“Get away from him.” Gilbert snarled. “You expect me to leave Ludwig with you when you took… “ He took a deep breath, fists clenching. “As if I’d be so foolish twice.”  
“Gilbert.” Roderich’s voice was bored and unamused. “Frederick’s guards are completely surrounding us, do you really think they would let us run off with… Ludwig?” He questioned, and Gilbert had to confess, he had a point.  
  
“Very well.” Gilbert agreed curtly. The Prussian turned, crouching once more to his brother, tapping his nose affectionately. “Ludwig darling, I have to go speak with that pompous ass. Will you be a good boy for me, little Hasi, and stay with Miss Elizaveta? She won’t hurt you, of the two, she’s far more bearable.” He promised, ignoring the look his once childhood friend gave him. “I don’t want you to be frightened by our talks, little one, I fear I may grow angry and lose control, and I don’t want you to see the full extent of what that entails.” He explained, pleased when Ludwig gave an obedient nod, throwing his little arms around Gilberts neck and hugging on tightly. Gilberts own wrapped back around him, holding the little one to him protectively, surprised at the quiet little voice that whispered in his ear, “I’ve a dagger in my sock if they try anything. Stay safe, big brother, and don’t worry.”  
  
Had it been any other situation, Gilbert would have laughed at the childs protectiveness. Instead, he only gave a little nod, kissing Ludwigs forehead tenderly. “I’ll see you soon, little darling. Remember our oath, and don’t fret.” He assured, before following Roderich to an empty room. The moment the door was closed and the little one was out of sight, Gilbert turned to Roderich, his expression distorting in fury. “What, it wasn’t enough to take little master from me and turn him against me? Now you’ve come for my Hasi too?”  
  
The Austrian man didn’t even flinch as he calmly took a seat, eyeing the Prussian. “You’re different with this one. Never would you give Dieter such affection and reassurance, even though you were married.”  
  
“As I will be with Ludwig, when he is old enough to understand how nation politics work.” Gilbert agreed wryly. “I am tender because this child is _not_ Dieter. He’s not a stubborn cold brat. He needs that reassurance, he grows frightened when I’m not around.” Gilbert shot back, continuing to glare. “I made him an oath. He is _mine_ , Roderich, and I will kill to keep it that way. And I am his. I promised every ounce of my being to that boy, until the day someone finally cuts me down, he will be mine. Do you understand me? If you try to interfere with that, I won’t have much choice in what I do to you. For now, I’ve allowed your innards to remain where they are purely out of respect for Elizaveta and the friendship her and I once maintained. But try anything to take my little Hasi, and I will act.” He warned.  
  
“And how long do you plan on keeping him a secret, Gilbert?” Roderich question, raising one dark brow. “You can’t hide him forever, he has responsibilities.”  
  
“Until he is old enough to protect himself, to not be killed as Dieter was.” The Prussians voice was cold, and dangerous, sending a shiver down even Roderich’s spine. “I think you had better go now, my swordhand is getting twitchy.”  
  
Pausing, Roderich gave a curt nod. “Of course. I will not tell of his existence for now, Gilbert, but I suggest you work faster on preparing the child. You and I both know what he is to be, and he’s needed desperately.” He murmured, leaving the room and returning with Gilbert to where Elizaveta and Ludwig sat playing on the floor. “Liza, darling, come. We’re leaving now.”  
  
“Goodbye, little Ludwig. Behave yourself for your brother, take good care of him! He may be good at war, but he really is nothing for sentiment.” Elizaveta told the boy with a smile, drawing a giggle from the child, as she kissed his head and stood. “Goodbye Gilbert. I really do hope some day, you’ll forget your resentment to see clearly.” She murmured, causing the Prussian to look away as the two left the palace. It hurt. Her betrayal was still so fresh in his mind, an open wound in his chest. One more thing he swallowed down. He was brought out of his stupor by a small hand sliding into his own, glancing down, just to see Ludwig offering him a reassuring, loving smile.  
  
With a silent nod, Gilbert tightened his own fingers around the youngers, walking hand in hand back into the study.


	10. Chapter 10

_1809_  
  
It was a beautiful day. The rain that had plagued the city for weeks had finally let up, and so Gilbert had promised to take Ludwig into the city itself. Despite having lived in the palace for over a year now, the child had only seen Berlin itself once or twice.  
  
And so, the nurses had dressed him in his best clothes, a small loose white blouse and loose fitting pantaloons, with a blue jacket that matched his brothers flawlessly, and the two had set off in the carriage. That in itself was exciting for Ludwig, he rarely got to take trips inside of it, and to do so, particularly with Gilbert, was a treat.  
  
“You know, little Hasi, you really are enthused for simply going to the city. It’s not that big a deal, little one.” Gilbert had laughed, ruffling the boys hair and adjusting it so it was the way Ludwig himself liked it, brushed off to the side. This was how he preferred to see his brother, excited and happy, looking more normal child than nation.  
  
“I don’t get to often go though! And it’s so big, Gilbert, can we maybe buy some fruit this time?” Ludwig questioned, eyes big with awe as they pulled through the city streets. Last time they had come on business, and as such, Ludwig hadn’t been able to actually wander around and see the city, although he’d noticed some delicious looking fruit stands.  
  
“Of course we can, my little Hasi. We can get whatever you would like.” Gilbert assured as the carriage halted, getting out and lifting the child down, taking his hand firmly in his own. “After all, this is our day off, and Frederick did instruct us to enjoy ourselves, did he not?” Gently tapping the child on the nose, Gilbert’s face became serious a moment. “Now, Ludwig dear, the city can be incredibly crowded. I need you to stay close, and not let go of my hand, do you understand?”  
  
“Of course!” Ludwig nodded, smiling brightly as he tightened his fingers around the Prussians hand, dragging him off into the crowds. Everything was so new and exciting, the blonde had no memory of anywhere but the woods and the Palace, and so this was an incredible adventure to him. The two stopped in every store, examined every trinket, Gilbert buying his brother new clothes and new toys, shiny and fascinating to the boy.  
  
“Big brother, come on, we’re almost to the fruit stand!” The child chirped, dragging him along excitedly until they finally reached what the little nation had been most looking forward to. Blue eyes sparkled with delight as he looked over every type of produce offered, it all looked so fresh and delicious.  
  
“Sir Gilbert, what an honor to have you at my stand.” The owner greeted with a warm smile, after all, Gilbert was kind to his people, he loved them dearly, and even though they knew not what he was, he was well known in the city.  
  
“A pleasure as always, Kaspar. My little brother Ludwig simply could not contain his eagerness to come here. We passed it on our last drive through, and I’m afraid he hasn’t shut up about it since!” Gilbert laughed, motioning the child who, despite being too short to see above the stands properly, was on his very tiptoes, examining each piece with a renewed sense of delight as he chose what he wanted.  
  
“A brother you say! I did not know you had a brother, Sir Gilbert!” Kaspar turned his attention to the child, grabbing a crate for the boy to stand on to aid him in his hunt, brown eyes warm as he spoke to the boy. “Here, why don’t you try this one on me?” He offered, handing the boy a shining golden apple.  
  
“Oh, thank you, sir!” Ludwig squealed in delight, taking an eager bite, the juices dripping down his chin. “It’s so sweet! Big brother, you must try it!” He turned to the elder, holding out his treasured fruit, the albino simply laughing and ruffling his hair. “No, no, little Hasi, it was given to you, you enjoy it.”  
  
With that, he turned his attention back to the man, his face amused. “I swear, I’ve never seen a boy so excited over produce! You’d think we never feed him in the Palace! Ah, but I suppose fresh fruit, grown and picked with love is much different.”  
  
From beside them, a woman had stilled, her emerald eyes watching Ludwigs display of innocent joy. Her lip quivered, face pained as she looked up at Gilbert. “Excuse me, Sir Gilbert….” She murmured quietly, her voice meek, but there was no mistaking the sorrow in it. The woman had long blonde curls that hung down her shoulders, a simple dress she had clearly made herself- it was apparent she was not of the upper class or the nobles.  
  
“Yes, my lady?” The albino questioned. He had not seen her before, but with an appearance as his, it wasn’t hard for people to figure out who he was. The sadness in her voice tugged at his heart- he hated when his people hurt, he hurt with them. And this woman was not that old, perhaps thirty? She would look much younger still, were it not for the lines around her eyes, it was clear she had known true pain. “How may I be of assistance?”  
  
There was a pause, the woman wringing her hands together in front of her, as she looked down. “The little one… I… he looks so much like my own little one, who passed away three years ago. The very spitting image of my precious Emmerich, before the illness made him weak. I just wanted to know… is…” Adalene took a deep breath, her emerald eyes locking onto the mans. “Is he a happy child? Well behaved, healthy? I’m sorry for the intrusion, I know it sounds odd. But he just looks so much like my darling Hasi, that perhaps if I know he’s a healthy child, I can imagine Emmerich would have been as well.”  
  
Gilbert stiffened slightly, his heart instantly growing heavy as she spoke. Emmerich…. a boy who looked identical to Ludwig who had died three years ago from illness? This was his little ones mother, there was no mistaking it. She looked so distraught, and he could understand why. The albino reached out, gently taking the woman’s hands, a sympathetic smile on his lips. “The most well behaved. Everything is a joy to him, a gift. He smiles, and the whole Palace seems like a warmer place to be. None can resist his charms, he’s got his nurses so wound around his fingers that some days I think they let him get away with far too much. And health- why his health is impeccable, I’ve never heard him with even a cough.” He paused, turning his attention to the little boy watching them curiously. “Ludwig, little Hasi, come here.” He coaxed, it dawning on him that this woman, his mother had called him that as well. Perhaps that had been why the child had so relaxed the first time he’d used it?  
  
“Yes, big brother?” Ludwig chirped, obediently coming to his brothers side, offering the woman a shy smile.  
“Ludwig, my little sweet, this is…”  
“Adalene Kaltenbach, Sir Gilbert.” She supplied, looking at Ludwig with a sad smile. “What a big boy you are, my little Lord.”  
  
And there it was. Confirmation of Gilbert’s suspicions, that yes, the woman in front of him was the one who had give him his dear Hasi. “You remind her very much of her own little boy, who passed away.” He explained to Ludwig gently, the child instantly understanding. This was one of their people, part of their very heart. It was his job to comfort her. Without warning, the blonde wound his arms around the woman’s waist, burying his face against her. “Your son was a very lucky boy to have such a pretty, kind voiced Mother.” He murmured. “I’m sure he loved you very very dearly.”  
  
At Ludwigs words, and those arms of a child so alike her own around her, tears welled in Adalenes eyes, falling down smooth cheeks as she stroked her fingers through blonde locks, the action so familiar, before dropping to her knees and hugging the little nation tightly. “Thank you so much, little one. You do not know the joy those words bring me.”  
  
Gilbert was silent as he watched the interaction, his mind racing as he tried to think. Before he’d really had time to process the idea that popped in his head, his lips parted and he began to speak. “Forgive me for my bold presumption, Missus Kaltenbach, but one of Ludwig’s nurses recently had to leave us. Her mother is older and ill, and she had to leave to care for her, so we’re short staffed on people to care for him while I’m busy. Perhaps you’d like the position? It pays well, and living arrangements are, of course, provided. Your husband, if you have one, is welcome as well to come be employed by the Palace as a groundskeeper, to help with the chores and maintenance. I know…” The was a pause, Gilbert taking a breath. “I know it will not replace your child, but if my little Ludwig reminds you so of him, perhaps you would at least find some solace in caring for him.”  
  
It was rash, and Frederick would likely scold him for hiring someone knew without discussing it. But how could he keep this woman from her child? And Ludwig from his mother, even if neither knew such was the case?  
  
The tears that had welled in her eyes fell even more freely now, as Adalene looked up at the Prussian gratefully. “Oh thank you, Sir, I would love to come care for the little one. My husband will be pleased as well. I truly will not be able to thank you enough for this opportunity, for some ease of my heart!”  
  
“Can you be at the Palace tomorrow morning, my lady, you and your husband both? When you arrive, we shall discuss details more, alright?” He smiled down at her, a gentle hand wiping at her tears before taking Ludwig’s hand. “We shall see you tomorrow, Missus Kaltenbach. Please- try not to feel such pain. Find comfort knowing you were likely your little ones world.”  
  
Ludwig gave the woman one last hug, telling her how happy he would be to have her as his new nurse, before following his brother back to the carriage.  
  
Gilbert’s behaviour was strange the ride home, he seemed quiet, and thoughtful, staring out the window with an almost sadness. But when Ludwig questioned, the elder simply smiled, tugging the boy onto his lap on the bench seat and cradling him close. “It is nothing, my little one. Merely that I know what she has lost.”  
  
Ludwig was confused at his brothers words, but spoke no more, cuddling into his brother, all the while pondering the feeling of safe familiarity and love he’d felt while the woman had held him.


	11. Chapter 11

Gilbert let out a quiet groan as he rolled over in the bed, curling up closer to Ludwig. It was far too early. The sun wasn’t even starting to peek through the drapes yet, so why was he awake? That was when he realized; their bed was wet.  
  
At first, Gilbert was irritated, throwing back the covers, thinking that the boy had peed the bed- really, he was too damn old for that!- just to notice his drenched dressing gown, the sweat beading on the childs face. Fuck! Instantly, Gilbert became panicked, laying a gentle hand on Ludwigs head. He was burning up! The albino acted fast, wrapping the sleeping boy in the blanket like one would swaddle an infant, holding him to his chest as he ran down the hall towards the servants quarters, where Ludwigs mother slept with her husband.  
  
Gilbert had never cared for a sick child before. He had no idea what to do. Adalene had cared for Ludwig himself when he was ill, she had told the Prussian once how the little one had died in her very arms. She would know what to do for the little nation. The albino knocked almost desperately, accidentally waking the little one in his arms.  
Ludwig let out a sleepy wail as the pain begin to hit him all at once. He was confused, and scared. Where was he!? Why did he hurt? It didn’t take him long to realize he was in Gilbert’s arms, settling down slightly, although he continued to wail in pain.  
  
It was the wail that brought Adalene to full consciousness, slipping out of her husbands arms and tugging on her own night dress before moving to the door, opening it quickly, locking eyes with Gilbert. “What is wrong, Sir Gilbert?” She questioned in a low, quiet tone.  
  
“He’s burning up! He’s soaked from sweat, and I don’t know how to help him!” The warrior let out an actual whimper of anxiety, he didn’t want something to happen to his little one, handing him over without hesitation when Adalene reached for him, still cradling Ludwigs hand in his own, laying it on his own cheek and nuzzling it gently. “It’ll be ok, little Hasi…” He whispered to the boy. “Miss Adalene and I will take good care of you, nothing will happen, little love.” He didn’t let go, even as Adalene carried him to the bathing room, rocking the child in her arms soothingly, bouncing him now and then. It was no small feat, he wasn’t as small and light as he once was, he’d been growing far more muscle lately. But still the slender woman managed, stroking the crying boys hair soothingly. “Heat up the water.” She told Gilbert. “As hot as you can get it. When that is done, pour it in the tub and heat more. We need the room to fill with steam, it will aid his recovery.” There was no mistake that this was an order, and while normally Gilbert would protest to being given orders from commoners, he knew that in this, she was the expert. The Prussian did as he was told, boiling the water and pouring it into the tub, trying not to worry. This was Ludwigs mother after all, she would let no harm come to him.  
  
When the tub was filled, and the steam filling the room, Adalene added just enough cold to make it bearable, undressing the blonde boy and setting him into the water, making sure he stayed upright.  
  
“Hurts!” He sobbed, his small face pained. “Everything hurts!”  
  
“I know, little Hasi….” Adalene cooed, rubbing Ludwigs back gently, stroking through his hair. “Where exactly does it hurt, little angel? Can you tell me?” She coaxed, her voice soft.  
  
“My tummy!” He wailed, and even as the boy spoke, Gilbert was putting pieces together in his head. “Dammit, they’re fighting again. I don’t know which of them, but the tensions are rising.” He muttered. After all, Ludwig was to represent a unified German Empire, so when the other big brothers fought, it had a negative effect on the little ones body. And since Adalene had told him that Emmerich had died of tuberculosis, it made sense.  
  
After all, every nations body held on to one part of their death.  
  
Gilbert idly lifted a hand, resting it on his chest without really realizing. Even he had his mark. So if illness had killed the boy, it made sense that tension would make him ill. The Prussian could only hope it wouldn’t last long. “While you care for him, may I take a moment to go change?” He questioned of the blonde woman, eyeing his dressing gown. “It’s not appropriate.” Ah, but that was an excuse. The albino needed a moment to think, and at her reassurance that they’d be fine until he returned, he headed to his chambers.  
  
Gilbert stripped the sheets first, setting them by the door to be sent to the washing room, before stripping off his dressing gown, slipping into his trousers and moving to the long mirror that hung on the wall. His fingers lifted, eyes pained as they laid on the large burn on his chest. The skin was a light pink, the texture far more rough and bumpy than the rest of his perfect, porcelain skin. He could still remember how it used to ache, the things his boss used to say about it.

***********  
  
_The little one awoke alone, in a pile of bones, a scream of confusion and fear falling from his lips as he scrambled away from them. Where was he!? Who was he? Pushing himself to his feet, the boy began to wander through the burned, falling down village._  
  
_“Lord, please tell me this devil child is not the one we’ve been waiting for.”_  
  
_The gruff voice from behind him tore another scream from the childs throat, as he was gripped by the collar and dragged away. Devil child? He wasn’t a devil child, was he? It wasn’t until they reached a large church, the person holding him throwing him to the floor, glaring him down with hateful eyes. “This has to be him, it was his body that sat there a week ago. What have we done to have our nation be a devil, such as this.” The masters foot collided with the child’s side, the boy screaming as his rib cracked, a new pain rippling through him._  
  
_“Listen here, little devil. You are the representative of the Teutonic Knights, a holy nation. As such, you will follow orders and act as God intended, even if you are an abomination.” The master snarled, kicking him again before noticing the burn on his chest. “Look, you are even marked. You must repent every day for being an abomination, and even then, I doubt God will forgive you. Get up child, and stop that sniveling. There is work to be done.”_

**********

A sigh fell from his lips as he pushed the thoughts from his head, tugging on his shirt before returning to the bathing room. There sat Adalene on the floor, cradling little Ludwig to her chest, wrapped up in cloths. The child was asleep, his face peaceful as she rocked him gently. “His fever is down a bit. He’s not out of the clear yet, Sir Gilbert, but I think he’ll get better.”  
  
“Oh thank God…” The Prussian breathed out, his face relaxing as he sat beside her, idly stroking through the tender blonde locks he had so come to love. What would he do if something happened to this boy? He would surely go mad! However, Gilbert was not prepared for the words that came from the womans lips next.  
  
“Sir? May I be presumptuous enough to ask a question?” She paused, taking in a shaky breath and eying the child in her arms. “...is he my Emmerich, Sir? Please tell me the truth, is this my child I hold?” It had been a suspicion she’d had for weeks, maybe even since she’d had the truth about the nations explained to her; after all, everyone who came to work in the palace was told the truth, since neither Gilbert nor Ludwig really aged. She had been told that they were once human, but did not remember their previous lives. And Ludwig simply looked too much like her Emmerich, the age was right too.  
  
Gilbert felt himself freeze, crimson eyes panicked and pained a moment before a hoarse whisper, “...yes…When I found him, the name on the grave was Emmerich Romary Kaltenbach. When we met you in the market, the moment you said his name, I knew who you were. But he doesn’t remember. He doesn’t know. I couldn’t tell him you were his mother, he’s still far too little to understand everything. I… I found him after he clawed his way out of his grave…” He tried to ignore the pang of guilt he felt at the gasp of horror that filled the blonde’s eyes. “And I took him home. When I saw you… I knew I could at least bring you here. Allow you to be with him, even if neither of you were to know. How could I keep you from your child, from the dear one I love so?” He whispered, looking over at her. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you. I wanted to. But now you know. Yes… he is alive and well. He is happy and safe, and ageless. He will live for centuries. He will live through horrors, but he will live. And I will protect him. He is mine. My brother and…” With a sigh, he stabbed his fingers through silver locks. This was his little ones mother, he could not keep secrets. “And someday, when he is older, I will be his husband.”  
  
Adaline gasped out quietly, but said nothing for a moment, processing this new information. And then, “Protect him. Swear to me, that long after I am dust, you will love and protect him. Never let him feel unwanted. Never let him fear alone. Promise me, and you will have my blessing for when he is grown.”  
  
The Prussian gave an immediate nod, no hesitation or doubt as he spoke. “I will treat him as he deserves to be treated. I have promised myself to Hasi, and to Hasi alone. I will not let harm come to his person, nor his heart. He is mine to protect.”  
  
“Good.” She murmured, dipping her head to kiss her son’s cheek lovingly, such relief on her face. Her little one was alive, and in her arms once more. There was no words for that feeling. “Am I allowed to tell his father?” Adalene questioned, her relief only growing at the nod Gilbert gave. “But please, do not tell Ludwig until he is older. He cannot yet understand, it will confuse and scare him.” Gilbert pleaded.  
  
“I promise.” And with that, their agreement was made.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Hey guys just a warning this chapter contains some pretty graphic stuff.

_1234_

_“I wish you had of let me drown the damn brat.” The voices outside of twelve year old Sabine’s door were growing louder, causing the sickly boy to wince, covering his ears. Father always said such awful things, and it scared the boy._  
  
Father always spoke of killing him. It never mattered how hard the child pushed himself, far past his limits, the man was never pleased. Even Sabine’s older siblings were cruel to him. They called him such awful names. Devil, curse, demon.  
  
He wasn’t any of those! He wasn’t!  
  
Sabine had been born an albino, something that his father had cursed with fear upon seeing the silver locks and crimson eyes of the child, falling to his knees and asking why the Gods were punishing him so, what had he done?  
  
Father had tried to rid himself of the newborn, only hours old, carrying him to the creek near their home, with the full intent of throwing the boy into the river. They had older children, healthy children. They could do without this one.  
  
But mother had grabbed his arm desperately, taking the child and cradling it to her breast. He simply didn’t understand, she protested. This was her child. She had carried him, she had bore him. And she loved him.  
  
It took hours of fighting, but finally, her wish had been granted. She’d been told the boy would never be a real part of the family. He would never be his fathers son. Even still, she ignored that, and lovingly named her youngest Sabine, cradling him in her arms.  
  
And she had loved him dearly. She had been the only one to love him.  
  
He was sickly as a child, his condition causing him to be weak, and there was the constant fear of going blind. He didn’t mind though. Mother kept him in bed, but she spent time with him enough that he didn’t get lonely, telling him stories and singing him songs. She was protecting him, she would whisper, stroking over his pale face. No one else understood, and they would try to hurt him, she warned, so it was best if he stayed here, with her. Where she could protect him from his father, and the villagers, and anyone else who sought to harm her youngest.  
  
“What has the child done to you!? He’s done nothing! He’s too ill to do anything!” Mother screamed back, and there was the sound of a slap filling the air, causing Sabine to silently weep. He hated when father hit mother, especially over him.  
  
“Exactly! He’s a useless mouth to feed! Why do we keep him around?” Had come the harsh reply. Sabine couldn’t bear to listen to anymore. Forcing himself out of bed and onto his feet, he crept to the large window, pulling his small fragile body out of it. He was tired of being confined to bed, of being trapped indoors, of hearing the screams and the threats. He wanted to see the outside.  
  
And so the boy, looking no more than eight despite being twelve in age, set off towards the forest that surrounded the village. The sun was painful on his eyes, but once he hit the shade of the forest, the pain dissipated and a bright smile of excitement crossed his face. He’d never seen the outside before, and it was so big and amazing to the child, as he ran through the trees, laughter falling from his lips, picking flowers and chasing butterflies.  
  
He was so distracted with his amazing new finds that he didn’t hear the men approaching, creeping up on horseback. They wore long white robes, emblazoned with black crosses, yet Sabine knew not who they were. But their minds were far from peaceful thoughts. No, these were members of the Teutonic Order, and seeing the pale skinned, crimson eyed boy, they grew furious, appearing at once and grabbing the child, who kicked and screamed desperately, fear echoing from his lungs.  
  
“Devil Child!” They spat at the terrified child, who struggled to get away as they beat him, much the way Father often did. “Where have you come from, spawn!?”  
  
But the boy didn’t reply, screaming to be released. Finally, with one quick kick, he made a break for it, running through the trees. Re-mounting their horses, the knights followed the child, who darted and dove through the shrubbery, keeping him safely ahead of them. One benefit to being so small, he thought sadly. He didn’t look back. He couldn’t. Instead, he moved on pure adrenaline, on fear, continuing to run until he was back to the village, back to his home. He slid back through the window and into his bed, sobbing into his knees.  
  
But the knights had not given up. It was not hard to spot the child as he darted into his home, and with quiet agreement, the holy knights set to their task.  
  
“Oh you godless heathens!” One called out in a deep, booming voice, the villagers looking out of their homes in fright at the large strangers. “Your village is hereby condemned to burn for the harboring of a devil. May God have mercy on your souls.” Even as he spoke, the others moved with torches, lighting the homes until the village glowed orange.  
  
Sabine first heard the screams as they came from mother herself, getting out of bed, running to where his family was watching in fear at the flames that crept up the walls.  
  
“You!” Father snarled, a heavy fist full of hatred connecting with the boys face, knocking him off his feet, a sharp kick to his ribs following. “You are the one who has condemned us to die! Do you see what your existence has done!?” With that, he tried to comfort his family, cradling his wife and other children to him, whispering words of hope, that they would be with their ancestors soon. That all would be well. To close their eyes, and try not to scream.  
  
Swearing himself not to cry, Sabine pulled himself to the corner, his knees to his chest, ignoring the blood on his face and the pain in his chest. It didn’t matter much now, did it? He was going to die. Mother… Mother was going to die because of him. Why did it have to be like this? Was he truly a devil? Did the Gods hate him so?  
  
All he had wanted was to be loved. For someone to hold his hand when he was scared. To kiss his head and tell him it would be alright. All he wanted was to know the outside. More than anything, Sabine had ached for attention from his father, for love. For the empty ache inside of his chest to be filled.  
  
But all it ever did was grow. With Fathers threats of death, of telling him how he was the cause of suffering for his family.  
  
And then with being treated as though he wasn’t there at all. That had been far worse. He could handle the beatings. He could handle the words. But he couldn’t bear when his father and siblings acted as though they saw right through him. He’d tried hard. To be obedient, to be worth attention. But none had been given, instead, it’d made him get in even more trouble.  
  
And even now, as the flames crept closer, the boy was alone. He had no family- they were a family without him. Now he had not even Mother to comfort him. And still, he didn’t cry. Not as smoke filled his lungs. Not as he closed his eyes so he didn’t see his family burn. Not as the searing pain lapped at his skin. His screams were silent, held inside in one last attempt to make father proud- he would not burden father with his screams. Mothers and his siblings mattered more.  
  
And so, the little one gave into the flames, one last terrified breath falling from his lips as the flames swallowed him whole. 


	13. Chapter 13

_1811_

It was grave times, and no one knew that better than Gilbert himself. The nation was still in a state of mourning, and so too was Gilbert for the queen he had adored. And even still, they were mocked by that French bastard. Gilbert hated him. Hated him completely, hated what he had done to his precious nation. What he had done to his once dear friend. What had been done to his dear one on that mans orders.  
  
But life went on.  
  
And it had to. Gilbert continued to train Ludwig, his pride in the boy growing with every day. He was getting stronger, his reflexes faster, until Gilbert thought he could almost reveal the little one to the world soon. There was much about their practices Ludwig still had to learn, but the Prussian was trying his best to put that off, telling himself it could wait until after they mourned Luise. But he knew it couldn’t, not really.  
  
“Ludwig.” Gilbert hung their swords back up where they belonged, leading the child back inside. “Can you come sit with me in my study a while, little Hasi? There is much we need to discuss.” The words caused the child to look up curiously, even as he held onto his brothers hand, following behind him obediently. Was something wrong? Surely, he hadn’t done something!  
  
Once in the study, Gilbert tugged the nine year old onto his lap, holding him close, and stroking idly through his hair. "I've been putting much of this off, my little one, because I worried that you were yet too young, too fragile to understand. Ah, before you protest, I know you're strong and smart." He assured, having seen the child open his mouth. "But it's a complicated state of affairs, my little one, and I was trying to shield you from it. However..." The Prussian sighed, stabbing his fingers through his hair. "These are dark times, Hasi, and I fear more may soon come. I can feel it in my bones, something big is going to happen soon. I... I'm going to introduce you to the other states that will form you, Ludwig. They are, in a way, your big brothers as well. But do not trust them. They will try to steal you, or harm you. But I'm going to try to propose a unified German Empire. You. I doubt they'll take to it immediately. It’s very likely the meeting will break out in argument, it does so often. But I want you to not be afraid, Ludwig. Remember my oath, nothing will touch you. Not when I am there.” He promised.  
  
Ludwig gave a little nod of understanding, winding his fingers with the elders, nuzzling into him gently. “I understand, big brother. I won’t be afraid, I’m a big, strong boy, I promise it!”  
  
“There’s one other thing I must explain, little sweet.” Gilbert murmured, looking away a moment. “Do you know what an allegiance is?” The Prussian questioned, keeping the little one close. He had to tell him everything. He had no way of knowing how long convincing the others would take. Wouldn’t it be best to warn the child of what was to come sooner rather than later?  
  
“Of course, I do, Gilbert.” Ludwig scoffed, rolling his eyes. “That was one of my lessons. An allegiance is when two nations swear to protect one another. Just like big brother promised to protect me, right?”  
  
Pausing a moment, Gilbert pondered the best way to explain to the boy. After all, it was a complicated situation. How could you tell your baby brother you were going to be his husband? That there is a good chance that before he’s even grown enough to not be a child anymore, he would be forced to be wed, and to his own older brother? By saying that just that, he supposed.  
  
“Yes, that’s… well it’s sort of right, Ludwig. With personifications, while the allegiance is on paper, it must be solidified in terms of our humanity as well.” He began. “So, in most cases, this is done through a marriage. The two nations allied will have a wedding, and will be unified. Often times, it’s not their choice, but that of their leaders, and they go along because it’s best for the people. Like Mister Austria and Miss Hungary, remember you met them?” Pleased when the child nodded, he continued. “They are married. For a long time, I was married with Miss Hungary as well. Our marriages can be like a humans, with love and touches. But more often than not, it’s on paper alone, and forms a strong friendship, or a family. Do you understand?”  
  
Ludwig gave a little nod, before pausing, shaking his head. “No, Gilbert, I don’t. I mean, I think I do. You were married to Miss Hungary until your nations stopped being friends?” He questioned, trying to piece together not only what the Prussian was telling him, but trying to figure out why he was being told this. “Am I going to be married off to some stranger!? I’m just a little boy!!!” Ludwig’s voice was panicked, the question hanging in the air and weighing on Gilbert as though it were the weight of the world itself, lodging his breath in his throat. His poor dear brother… it broke his heart to hear the child so frightened, so anxious.  
  
Gilbert’s arms wrapped around him tightly, tugging Ludwig closer to him, peppering his face in gentle kisses. “Shhh… shhh, little darling, you aren’t exactly right.” He soothed. “When you become a unified German state, you will be married, yes. It’s because you will still be small, and vulnerable. You will need someone stronger and more established to protect you.” Seeing the worry only growing on the younger nations face, Gilbert paused, capturing his cheeks gently and brushing his lips against them soothingly. “Now, now, Ludwig. Have you forgotten my promise? Do you truly believe I would marry you off to just anyone? No, Hasi. When the time comes, I will marry you myself.” He paused, letting the child absorb that before continuing. “That means that I can better protect you, Luddi. I will still be your big brother. And nothing will change between us, understand that. You are still a child, and will likely still be one when the time comes. I will be your husband on paper only, little one. A protector, if you will. There will, however, be an official ceremony for us, with a minister and the like, although that’s more for show and the feeling of it being a wedding and not a political deal.”  
  
Ludwig was silent for some time, although Gilbert could practically see the gears turning in the child’s head. “So…. big brother will be my husband.” Ludwig murmured, echoing the elders words as though seeing how it sounded to say out loud, how that word felt in his mouth- husband. “I think… I think that as long as it is with you… it will be alright. Big brother, you protect me. You are mine. And I am yours, right? So it’s alright.” He considered this a while, before nodding to himself, remembering his brothers words from years before. _I have pledged myself to you, as I hope you will to me._ It had confused Ludwig at the time, and rightfully so. But now he understood. Even then, Gilbert had been worrying, trying to figure out how to tell him exactly this. And with that realization, the child made a decision.  
  
He squirmed off of Gilberts lap, kneeling in front of the surprised Prussian and taking his hands in his own smaller ones, his face one of determination and thought, as he tried to plan the words. “I am yours. As you are mine. I hereby pledge myself to you, as you have to me. No matter what happens, who tries to separate us, I am yours alone.”  
  
Gilbert didn’t truly know how to respond to the oath, even as the boy crawled back onto his lap and pressed a chaste kiss to his skin to solidify it, as Gilbert himself had taught him. When had Ludwig grown so mature, so thoughtful? “Of course, little Hasi.” He agreed softly. “It’s an oath then. When the time comes, we will be wed. Nothing will change. It’ll simply mean I’ll be better able to protect you.” He promised, before hugging the child he had come to so adore close to him, tugging a blanket over them and letting his eyes grow heavy. It would be alright. As long as he could protect Ludwig, nothing else mattered. He didn’t know how it had happened, but somewhere along the way his hatred had turned into nothing short of adoration for the blonde boy. He had easily become Gilbert’s world, and he found himself worrying if he was away for even an hour. Even if he knew the child was safe with his mother or one of the other nurses. He just constantly feared losing him. So perhaps, in a selfish way, Gilbert himself was grateful for the marriage of convenience and necessity, that it would be an excuse to keep his Hasi close.


	14. Chapter 14

It was loud. That was the first thing Ludwig noticed, surprised to see just how chaotic the meetings really were. The tension was so incredibly thick it could be cut with a knife. That was the childs next observation, as he peeked out from behind Gilbert, taking another breath, trying to settle his thoughts. After all, this was his first time meeting these men, and so much was riding on this. He didn’t want to appear weak, but Gilbert had told him to stick close, and Ludwig was, admittedly, all too happy to obey.  
  
Gilbert was on edge. It been clear the entire trip here. They’d left with the warrior in full battle attire, long cape flowing in the wind as they rode, sword strapped on Gilbert’s hip. The Prussian’s face had held that same fearful expression he had when he’d first found Ludwig, and the blonde boy was glad it wasn’t directed at him this time. Surely, the other big brothers couldn’t be that bad, right? But it was clear that Gilbert thought otherwise, and was prepared for any and everything that could happen.  
  
Marius, the personification of Saxony, was the first to notice Ludwig, raising a brow and snorting. “Well, well. It seems little Gilbert has been keeping a secret from us all! Surely this scrawny thing isn’t the one meant to replace that brat, Dieter! He doesn’t even look like he can lift the sword you carry!”  
  
At the mans words, all the other states stopped, turning their attention to the Gilbert and the child behind him. Ulrich, the representative for Bavaria, let out a snort. “Did you really expect any less? After all, this is Gilbert we’re talking about! We’re lucky the child isn’t dead like Dieter!” There was no mistaking the mockery in his voice either.  
Something in Ludwig snapped then. Before Gilbert had time to reply, the child had grabbed the Prussians sword and lunged. He kicked the man’s knees out from beneath him, dropping the brunette to his own level, his eyes on fire as he pressed him to the wall, sword at his throat. “I may be small, but do not think Gilbert has taught me any less than enough to tear you to pieces if you speak one more ill word of him.” He warned.  
  
The room fell absolutely silent, each of the adults staring in stunned shock at the child. That had not been expected at all. “Ludwig.” Gilbert’s voice cut through the air, snapping Ludwig from his anger. “Come here, Hasi. It’s alright.” He coaxed, the child giving one last snarl at the brunette under his small hands, before turning and returning the sword to the elder. “These are still family, little Hasi. As much as I’d like to let you kill them….” His voice was absolutely calm as he spoke, making it perfectly clear to the others how little he cared for them. “If I were allowed to do it, it would already have been done. Save it for the battlefield, that time will come.”  
  
The child gave a nod, a huff from falling from his lips as he took his seat next to Gilbert. “Anyhow, if you’re all ready to shut your filthy mouths and listen; I’ll happily explain. This is Ludwig Frederick Beilschmidt, _my_ little brother.” There was no mistaking the possessiveness in his voice, even as he wound his fingers with Ludwig's under the table, giving him a reassuring squeeze, though he’d admit it may have been to reassure himself more than his brother. Ludwig’s outburst had surprised him. Never had he seen the blonde boy truly anger, and never had he snapped like that and almost caused violence. Yet, he _had_ seemed more protective of Gilbert himself since he had sworn his oath, Gilbert noted. “He appeared about three years ago, and before you ask, I’ve kept him away long enough to train him to kick any of your asses should you try to touch one hair on his head, that is, if I don’t get you first.” He paused, hearing the grumbles around the room, before locking eyes on Roderich, a smirk tugging at the Prussian’s lips as he once more spoke.  
  
“He is to represent a unified German State. We all know that. Even if you whiny little assholes can’t agree on anything, I think none of you are quite stupid enough to not know that. And already, I can see some of you thinking how you can take him over for yourself, but it won’t happen. I will strike down anyone who actually who comes within five feet of him, I assure you. Family or not. None of you will take him from me.” That was pointedly at Roderich and Elizaveta particularly, even as Elizaveta gave Ludwig a small smile and a wave, the child returning it. She was the only one other than Gilbert in this room that he didn’t already hate. How could these men say such cruel things to his brother??  
  
“And what if we don’t wish this unity?” Marius once more questioned, an amused look on his face at all of this.  
  
“Then there will be more war.” Gilbert said seriously. “If you all won’t conceed, Ludwig will, with my help, force your agreement. He has full Prussian backing on this, on the order of King Frederick Wilhelm the third himself. We understand it will take time to reach a deal. I am not expecting change overnight. But this is happening. It needs to happen for our people. Do you not feel it? How they suffer from poverty and the constant wars? Look at how many of us have been stepped on and shoved into the mud by that bastard Napoleon these last decades. Do you really want a repeat of that?” He questioned. Standing, he lifted Ludwig onto his hip, the blonde nation scowling at all those present. “We’re leaving now. I see no point wasting any more of our precious time here.” Gilbert stated firmly. “We’ll look forward to hearing your decisions about what we’ve discussed.” With that, the two left a room full of a stunned nations.  
  
“Did I do good, Gilbert?” Ludwig questioned once they were back on the horse, glancing up at his brother with eager eyes. He was met with a chuckle, and a playful hand ruffling his hair.  
  
“You did perfect, Hasi. Hell, you surprised even me with that outburst. Where did that come from, my little one?” The Prussian questioned, honestly curious for the answer. “I thought Ulrich was going to piss his pants when you put that sword to his neck. But I’ve never seen you act like that before.”  
  
Ludwig gave a little shrug, looking back ahead, his small face unreadable. “He pissed me off.” He answered simply. “They had no right to talk about you that way. About Dieter that way. You are my big brother. The one I am promised to. You are mine to protect just as much as you protect me. I know I can not often do as much as you, but be damned if I can’t try.”  
  
“Language.” Gilbert scolded, although there was no real firmness in his tone as he pondered the child’s words. Huh. That was unexpected.  
  
When they reached home and informed Frederick of the events of the meeting, the King was absolutely delighted, lifting Ludwig up and spinning him around as he praised him for putting the fear of God into the adults right from the get go. “That really was in your favor, little one. By doing that, you’ve shown you are no small thing to be taken and tossed around. You are a foe and an ally. You are their equal, not their lesser.” He praised, bringing a grin to Ludwig’s lips.  
Once more, Gilbert felt that jealousy bubbling in his chest. He ached to slap Fredericks hands away from the boy, to tell him not to touch. That he and Adalene were the only ones allowed to touch him. Still, he contained it. It wasn’t as though, he could go off on his King.  
  
But there was no mistaking the possessiveness as Gilbert lay a hand on his brother’s shoulder. Even Ludwig caught it, and Frederick merely raised a brow at his nation. It amused him sometimes, seeing just how attached Gilbert had gotten to the little one. No one had expected that. How could any of them have seen it coming with how he had acted towards Dieter? With how he had acted with Ludwig himself. But now those days seemed a distant memory.  
  
And as Frederick lay alone in his all too empty bed that night, he couldn’t help but think that, really, Gilbert was the lucky one. That perhaps he had needed Ludwig as much as Ludwig needed him.


	15. Chapter 15

Something had changed in Ludwig since the meeting. It was a subtle change, yes, but Gilbert was quick to notice it. It was almost like what had happened with Bavaria had flipped some kind of switch inside the child’s brain. It’d been two weeks already since they’d arrived back home. Ludwig had not complained even once about having fight lessons since they’d gotten back. In fact, the boy seemed almost furious during the lessons, giving his all.  
  
Gilbert had never quite seen him like that. It was like as soon as he touched that sword, he was no longer Ludwig. He was no longer the sweet, innocent little boy who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Instead he was a miniature warrior, fighting with everything in him. How often had Gilbert been dropped to his knees by the boy in the past two weeks? How many times would Gilbert have been dead if they were really in battle? More than he cared to admit.  
  
Yet the moment training was over and the swords were back up on the wall, Ludwig was once more his sweet self, pressing “booboo kisses” to Gilbert’s bruises and snuggling up to the older nation happily, rambling on about inconsequential things. It was incredibly confusing to Gilbert.  
  
Sure enough, today was no different. An angry hiss fell from Ludwig’s lips as he lunged, his wooden training sword smashing against Gilbert’s as forced the older man towards the wall. Blue eyes were hazed with rage and something else Gilbert couldn’t quite place, although it was the very same thing that so often shone in his own. Panting for air, Gilbert flipped them, pinning Ludwig down to the ground to give himself a moment to catch his breath. God, Hasi was really keeping him on his toes these days. Maybe he was just getting old? No, he was every inch the same blood thirsty Kingdom he always had been. Then it had to be something with Ludwig himself. “God, Hasi, calm down. This is just training not a real ba-” He hadn’t expected little legs to kick up with enough momentum to flip him, Ludwig glaring down at him, training sword to Gilbert’s throat, the albino staring up at him wide eyed in shock. Had he even taught his precious little brother to do that? Gilbert let out a cough, clearing his throat and looking away. “I think… I think that’s enough for today, Hasi. Up you get.”  
  
The boy obediently moved, and the moment Gilbert took the sword and hung it back up, a smile was back on Ludwig’s lips as he curled his fingers into Gilbert’s. “Guess what, big bruder? I caught a rabbit today! And Miss Adalene, her husband offered to teach me how to hunt tomorrow! Am I allowed to learn? Oh pretty please?” He questioned excitedly, even as Gilbert hoisted him onto his hip, carrying him to the wooden bench that sat in the large yard.  
  
“Of course, little Hasi.” The Prussian agreed amicably, before getting the child situated on his lap, looking at him seriously. “But first, Ludwig, we need to have a talk, ok? Ever since we got back from the meeting with your other big brothers, you’ve been- more angry. Not all the time, but definitely during training. If what you were like before was your one hundred percent, then you’re giving at least seven hundred percent now. What happened at the meeting… Ludwig, you’ve never snapped like that. Please, my little one. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that sweet little head of yours.” Gilbert pleaded, even as he stroked soothingly through soft blonde locks.  
  
Ludwig was quiet a moment, staring at his lap as he held onto Gilbert’s hand, idly curling their fingers together. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet, subdued. “It made me mad… really really mad…” He murmured, even as he snuggled back further into his brothers chest. “Hearing them say such mean, awful things about you. Big brother, I’ve never been that mad before. If you hadn’t of made me stop, I think… I think I would have killed big brother Bavaria and not thought twice about it.” He confessed, tears beginning to well in his eyes as he spoke. He didn’t look Gilbert in the eyes; he couldn’t. “And you said they could hurt me… that they would try to take me from you. I don’t want to be away from you. You’re my Gilly, and I swore to be just yours! So I wanted to get really really strong like you are. So I can…” He nibbled his lip until it bled, trying desperately to hold in the sob that threatened to fall from his lips. “So I can hurt anyone who tries to hurt you. I’m too little and weak to protect you, and you try so hard to protect me. I… I don’t want anyone who touches you to keep breathing.” Ludwig finally looked up at his brother, cerulean eyes wide and tear stained, his lip trembling and bloodstained. There was such fear in the little one’s face that it almost broke Gilbert’s heart. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I don’t know why I’m so mad, why I wanna hurt them! But I don’t like it when they look at you. I don’t like it when they say mean things. And when they touch you, I wanna hit them really bad, to make them cry! I’m so sorry!”  
  
“Ludwig… oh, my precious little Hasi… please don’t cry.” Gilbert pleaded, stroking away the child’s tears. “You’ll break my heart if you cry, little one. You’ve nothing to feel bad about. You’ve done nothing wrong; I thought it must be something like that. We’ve all felt something like that, ok? Maybe not the protectiveness and jealousy, although I will tell you i have. But the bloodlust is something that is common with nations. Especially when we hit the battlefield. There will always be that one that you ache to destroy, who can irritate you to your deepest core just by looking at you. It’s a terrifying feeling the first time, I know, Hasi. But you’re doing nothing wrong ok?” He assured, rocking the blonde boy against his chest lovingly. He could easily remember the fear he’d felt the first time he’d had the desire to destroy something, someone. The guilt that had gnawed at him. He wouldn’t let that feel torment Ludwig like it had him. Gentle hands rubbed the younger nations back comfortingly, letting the child bury his face in his shirt and cling on.  
  
“Okay, big brother…” Ludwig whimpered, winding small arms around the albinos neck and hugging on tightly. “I trust you, s-so I know it’ll be ok.”  
  
The words panged Gilbert’s heart. The pure, blind trust this boy had in him was terrifying. What if he didn’t do a good enough job? What if he let him down? Already he was having guilt over taking him to a meeting, unsure if Ludwig was really ready for it in the end, even if it needed to happen when it did. “Come on, Hasi. Let’s go get you cleaned up.” He murmured quietly, carrying the little one inside, all the while continuing to wonder if he was even good enough to properly care for the child he so adored.


	16. Chapter 16

“Here, little one. You have to hold your bow a little straighter, like this.” Aldric smiled down proudly at his son, as Ludwig tried once more, finally getting it right and firing off an arrow. It hit the rabbit dead on, an excited squeal falling from the child’s lips, as the brunette man ruffled his hair gently. He had been so happy when Adalene had told him of their little one’s fate. That their precious Emmerich wasn’t truly dead, but had been revived as a nation, that the smiling child he so often saw in the palace was, in fact, his. The sorrow Aldric had felt for so long had faded almost instantly, as he’d picked his wife up, spinning her around in delight.  
  
And they were very lucky. Sir Gilbert was a good guardian to their son. Not to mention, he was very good about letting both Aldric and Adalene spend as much time with the child as they wished, so long as they didn’t tell him the truth. It was so incredible, seeing his beautiful wife gain that sparkle back in her eyes since she’d begun to spend the days caring for their son once more. It was a bit odd, knowing he didn’t age, knowing they’d be gone before he was even fully grown. But Aldric knew he was in good hands. Sir Gilbert would let no harm come to him.  
  
“I did it, I did it!” Ludwig squealed excitedly, jumping up and down before running to retrieve his kill. “Look, Mister Aldric! It’s a big one too, will big brother be proud!?” He questioned, running back and proudly showing off his rabbit. It wasn’t really all that big, and it looked like it had suffered an injury previously. But it was Ludwig’s first, and Aldric was so incredibly proud. He hoisted the boy into his hip, giving a deep, rumbling laugh. “Of course he will, little one! I bet if you can catch a few more, King Frederick himself will have them cooked up for dinner!”  
  
“You really think so?” The blonde boy chirped, blue eyes wide with an innocent excitement and pride. “I bet I can catch a whole bunch! Thank you, Mister Aldric, for teaching me to hunt. I’m having lots of fun. Can I come with you again if big brother says it’s ok?” He questioned, head tilting to the side, a little grin on his lips.  
  
“Of course you can, little Ludwig. You can come hunting with me any time you want, ok? How else are we going to make sure the palace is properly fed?” He teased, setting the boy down once more and reloading his bow for him.  
  
Sure enough, by the end of their excursion, Ludwig had caught six rabbits and a duck, although Aldric was still a little confused on how he managed the last one. The man strung his sons kills up to a stick, helping the child to carry it back to the palace, a smile on his lips as Ludwig rambled excitedly.  
  
“Gilbert!!” The younger nation squealed, running to hug onto his brother’s legs as they got inside, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards where his kill lay, displaying it proudly. “Look how much I caught! Did I do good?” He questioned.  
  
Gilbert couldn’t help but chuckle, hoisting the boy into his arms and smothering his face in kisses. “Of course you did, my little darling! Look at all that rabbit meat, why we’ll have to tell the chef to cook us up a nice rabbit pie to go with dinner tonight, won’t we, Hasi?” The Prussian smiled at Aldric, even as he kissed his brothers head gently. “Was he well behaved for you? I hope he didn’t give you any trouble, I really appreciate you taking him. It was all he would talk about last night.”  
  
“Not a bit. You know how I love spending time with the little scamp.” Aldric assured with a laugh. “I’m impressed with how well he did for his first hunt. I promised him he could come with me again, I’d be lucky to have such a skilled little helper at my side.” Patting his sons head once more, and tapping his nose lightly, he told the little one to be good for his brother, before heading back outside to do his work for the day.  
  
Gilbert was incredibly pleased to hear that his little darling had had fun hunting with his father. Ludwig had been pushing himself so hard lately that he’d hardly had any time for child things, and the last thing the Prussian man wanted was for the boy to lose his sense of wonder with the world. It was the one thing that set Ludwig so far apart from the other nations, that made Gilbert that extra bit protective. He refused to let that part of his little brother die the way it had in all the rest of them.  
  
“Gilly, will you tell me stories about your battles tonight?” Ludwig questioned happily, snuggling his cheek against the elder’s, looking up at him with those big blue eyes. There was nothing the child loved more than being told stories of his brave brother, even if some of them were more than a little embellished. The boy didn’t care, he hung off every word. He would always believe everything Gilbert told him, without question, no matter how silly it sounded. After all, Gilbert was Ludwig’s hero, just as much the child's world as he was the elders.  
  
“Of course I will, Hasi.” Gilbert promised, the boys adoration of his stories more than a little bit of an ego boost. After all, Ludwig was the only one who would happily let Gilbert brag, and wouldn’t call him out on fibbing or stretching the truth. “But first, little love, how about you go get Miss Adalene to give you a bath and I’ll bring your kill to the kitchen alright?” He couldn’t help but chuckle to himself as Ludwig ran off down the corridor, trailing mud as he went to find his mother. Gilbert would happily admit that the little one had mellowed him out a fair bit, and brought more happiness to his world than he cared to admit. Thank God silently once more for giving him the boy, he picked up the stick of meat, carrying it to the kitchen.


	17. Chapter 17

_1815_  
  
Gilbert wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel. Everything was swirling in his mind, tangling and clouding until he could hardly breathe. On the one hand, he was thrilled. Unification had taken so much less time than he’d previously anticipated, merely three years since it’d been proposed. There’d been no attempts on little Ludwig’s life, no one had tried to take him as the Prussian had feared they would. And he’d grown so strong. Although having only aged to ten years old in human terms since he had come to Gilbert, Ludwig had grown incredibly strong. He had trained hard next to his brother, even when he was tired and it was hard to keep up, and now he was able to successfully take down any of the King’s men.  
  
Gilbert couldn’t describe his pride at that.  
  
On the other hand, standing here at the altar, watching his precious brother move slowly toward him, he felt sick. Part of him had been praying he’d have more time, that Ludwig would be older, less afraid. It was clear that Ludwig was trying his best to seem brave, but there was no mistaking the anxiousness in his eyes, the fear. How could Gilbert ignore that? They’d been talking about it for some time, the elder trying to soothe the youngers concerns. He had promised Ludwig it was only going to be on paper. That nothing would change, that he didn’t have to worry. And then he had held the boy as Ludwig sobbed into his chest, sniffling about how he was too little to be married, about how Gilbert deserved a good husband and Ludwig was too young to be that.  
  
Even now, the boy had Gilbert’s well being first in his mind, and that made the guilt that much worse. He wanted to turn and walk away, to call this off, to demand they be allowed to wait until Ludwig was a bit older. But in the end, both knew their duty, and Gilbert himself had taught Ludwig that their responsibilities as nations came before their own desires. With a sigh, the Knight looked at his dear one getting closer and closer, memorizing every detail. How brave Ludwig was trying to be. How he kept his head high. How proud he looked of the uniform that had been made for him especially for the wedding, so similar to Gilbert’s own. Gilbert had to confess, the boy looked wonderful, and the Prussian couldn’t help but wonder what he would look like grown. No doubt he’d be an incredibly handsome man. He was so proud, even as his heart ached, guilt gnawing at him. This wasn’t right. Ludwig was too young to have to be someone’s husband. Even if it was only on paper.  
  
Ludwig took a big breath, keeping his eyes locked on his elder brother as he finally hit the end of the aisle, relaxing only as Gilbert captured his small hands and held them soothingly. He could feel the eyes on them. This was just supposed to be for them, wasn’t it? That’s what Gilbert had said, that the ceremony itself was for them as people. Why then did the other big brothers have to be there? He hated them, and now, he could feel them laughing, judging him. He was trying his best to enjoy his wedding day, to make the most of it, but they were putting a severe damper on what little comfort and joy the child could force himself to have with the occasion.  
  
“It’s going to be alright, Hasi.” Gilbert murmured quietly, dipping his head to kiss his brothers forehead gently, trying desperately to chase away Ludwig’s fears. He didn’t ever want him to be afraid, not like those innocent eyes showed now. “Don’t look at them. Don’t think about them. It’s just us, ok, my little one?”  
  
Ludwig paused, before giving a little nod. It was just like Gilbert had told him the night before in his study. _“Don’t think of it as getting married, my sweet one. Think of it as… we’re just making our promise to God. We’ve already promised, just us, right? That I am forever yours alone, and you are mine? Now we’re just saying it so everyone knows, little Hasi. Just focus on me. I promise I’ll protect you.”_ The words echoed in his head, and brought a smile to the child’s lips. This was theirs. Just a reaffirmation of their promise, a symbol to everyone else that they belonged to one another alone. Ludwig gave the elder’s hands a little squeeze, mouthing, _“It’s ok. I’m not afraid.”_  
  
Truthfully, he was. He was still terrified, but at the same time, he knew Gilbert would keep him safe. He could never be afraid of Gilbert. Not anymore. After all, brother wasn’t the same cruel person he was when he had found Ludwig. He was to others, but never to the child now standing in front of him.  
  
And so the ceremony began. When the time came, both spoke their vows sincerely, cerulean locked on crimson, neither daring to look at any one but one another. If they did, the fear would set in worse in Ludwig, the guilt in Gilbert. The Prussian never let go of the blonde’s hand, not for a moment, stroking gently over the skin he cradled in an attempt to convince not only Ludwig that it would be alright, but himself as well. His stomach turned with guilt and anxiety when the priest told them they were to kiss, lowering himself to his knees in front of his brother and cradling his face gently, kissing him as he had when he’d sworn his oath, not as a husband would.  
  
For that, Ludwig was relieved. He’d been worried about that from the moment Gilbert had said they’d have to; worried that he’d make himself seem a bad husband right from the get go. But a kiss like this he could accept, small fingers reaching out to lovingly touching the elders cheek, silently telling him it was ok. That this was ok.  
  
And then Gilbert was scooping the blonde up into his arms, cradling Ludwig to him, letting the boy bury his face in the Prussian’s neck and cling on for all he was worth as Gilbert carried him down the aisle and out of the chapel, one hand rubbing gentle circles on his brothers back. He didn’t put him down when they exited the chapel, instead continuing to carefully rock the ten year old in his arms. “It’s ok, Hasi…” He whispered. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, love, I wanted to wait. I told them I wanted to wait until you were bigger, until you could handle this without being frightened. You did so well. I’m so proud of you, little Ludwig, of your bravery and maturity. You will make such a wonderful nation.” He praised, eyes so full of love and adoration that Ludwig couldn’t help but snuggle closer into his arms, relaxing completely. The last of his fear dissipated now that the eyes were off of them.  
  
“Love you big bruder….” Ludwig mumbled into Gilbert’s shoulder, keeping his eyes shut as he clung on.  
  
“Love you too, Hasi.”


	18. Chapter 18

Ludwig lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts. He had already finished his lessons for the day, which meant this was the child’s time to himself. Blue eyes flickered to the ring on his finger for what must have been the millionth time in the two weeks since he and Gilbert had been wed. Gilbert. His husband…. The thought was still a strange one to the child, although he was growing more and more fond of it, he found, as the days passed. Gilbert was, however, treating him differently, and although the boy wasn’t so sure if the warrior himself realized he was, it was frustrating Ludwig to no end. If Gilbert had been protective before, he was now infinitely more so, barely letting the boy out of his sight. He let no one speak ill to the child, snapping at all who tried. And yet- he snapped at Ludwig much more frequently too. The blonde child tried not to take it to heart. After all, there was no mistaking how much stress brother was under, from both the other big brothers, and himself. And while Gilbert was growing more protective, he was growing more distant too.  
  
Their wedding night had been an absolute disaster. Ludwig, despite his brothers reassurance, had been anxious. He had no idea what married couples were supposed to do on their wedding nights, only that it was a big deal. He hadn’t expected Gilbert to not even come to bed. To not even kiss him- surely they were supposed to do at least that! While the blonde boy was terrified of such intimacy, considering how young he still was, he also didn’t want to prove a poor husband to the person he so adored. And yet, it seemed as though Gilbert didn’t even want to look at him anymore. Was he doing something wrong?  
  
He’d just have to work harder, he decided. With a determined nod to himself, the boy pushed himself off of his bed, all but running down the hall towards the kitchen. He’d get the chef to help him, and he’d make Gilbert like him again!  
  
The albino was doing similar to the child, sat in his chair in his study, fingers carding through silver locks as he let out a groan, staring at his lap in frustration. What on earth was he doing? There was no way that this was fair to poor little Ludwig. He was too young, and the last thing Gilbert wanted was for his precious little Hasi to become afraid of him. He worried that the little one wouldn’t fully understand what this meant for them, and would try to be a grown up, when all Gilbert wanted was for him to stay a precious innocent child just a while longer.  
  
And so he’d run, retreating from the younger boy. Even on their wedding night, a night he ought to have been cradling his dear one that much closer and reassuring him, promising him there was nothing to fear, Gilbert had instead been imbibing himself full of cheap liquor at a pub with some even cheaper prostitutes. Not that he’d touch them. He’d sworn an oath to his sweet little one, and even if it was on paper alone, it was one he intended to keep. He was Ludwig’s alone, he’d save all his affections for him- when he was old enough to not be afraid. But he’d just hoped for more time, and now, Ludwig and he were married. The boy wouldn’t ever get to experience dating, or flirting, because Gilbert knew well enough that Ludwig had too high a sense of morality to do that when they were married. Hell, it was the morals Gilbert himself had taught him.  
  
With a quiet sigh, the Prussian poured himself another glass of brandy, taking a large sip and letting it ease some of his anxieties. How could he possibly explain to Ludwig why he was pulling away? Had the child even noticed? Likely not. After all, he seemed so enthralled with his lessons as of late that they had scarce had time free. And when they did, he often spent it with his mother. Gilbert didn’t realize just how much time had actually passed until he heard a tiny knocking on the door, looking up in surprise. What could this be about? Ludwig scarce ever disturbed him in his study, coming in only if Gilbert himself invited him. Rubbing a hand over his face and trying to shake his thoughts, he moved to answer the door.  
  
He certainly wasn’t expecting what he found.  
  
There stood Ludwig, carrying a covered tray in his hands, a shy smile on his lips. “I made you dinner all by myself, big bruder. Uhm... I hope you like it….” There was a shyness in the boys voice that had Gilbert worried. Ludwig shouldn’t be shy around him, he’d thought they’d finally worked through that.  
  
The albino sighed, crouching down to sit on his knees in front of the child, taking the tray and setting it beside him, before tugging him into his arms. “Come here, little Hasi. Come talk to big bruder, tell him what’s going on in that little head of yours.” He coaxed, tugging the child into the room enough to shut the door before sitting crosslegged on the floor, getting Ludwig situated in his lap. “I suppose I haven’t been too good of a brother lately, have I?” He mused, crimson eyes troubled. “... tell me what has been bothering you, Ludwig, and I’ll do my best to remedy it.”  
  
Ludwig chewed at his lip, blue eyes averting from his brothers own. “I guess I wonder why you’ve been avoiding me, Gil. Why on our wedding night I slept alone. That’s not normal, right? Married people at least kiss. And I know they share the same bed. We used to do that anyways, but now… you don’t come to bed.” The ten year old decided it best to tell the elder everything that had been worrying him, each new word like a stab to Gilbert’s heart. “Have I done something to upset you? To make you hate me again? If so please tell me, I’m sure I can remedy it! I’ll do better, I swear it! I just have to learn how to be a better husband, I don’t know how.”  
  
The Prussian’s face softened as he listened, his arms tugging the boy closer, holding him protectively. “Little one…” He murmured, cradling Ludwig’s face in his hands and tipping it up to look at him. “I don’t want you to be my husband. You’re still far too little. I feel… I feel so terrible that I didn’t have more time. I didn’t want the marriage to occur until you were a little older, until you’d grown. Unfortunately, that seemed to not be the case. I’ve simply been feeling guilty, Hasi, of everything you’re losing out on because of me. So I’ve been avoiding you, and that was wrong of me. I’ll tell you what….” He dipped his head, peppering sweet kisses to the boys cheeks. “When you’ve grown, talk to me about this again. If you still wish to be my husband, I’ll try to accommodate you. Until then, darling one, just be my little brother. That’s all I want of you. Just remain my dear Ludwig until you are grown.”  
  
Letting the words settle into his brain, and thinking them through completely, the child gave a nod. Yes, that would be best. He’d wait until he was grown, and in the mean time, he’d get Aldric to teach him how to be a good husband, so that when he was older, he’d be able to blow Gilbert away with how good he was at it. “Okay big bruder… I love you,” He chirped, cuddling into the elders arms, happy to at least be cuddled again.  
  
“I love you too, little Hasi.”


	19. Chapter 19

All was not well with the young Confederation. In hindsight, anyone older than he could have seen it coming, and yet, Gilbert had warned him nothing about what was happening. The States that made up his being were still not getting along as both Ludwig and Gilbert had hoped, and it was frustrating the child greatly. He was irritable and tense, with pain often tearing itself through his body much without warning as the other big brothers fought and bickered. Some days were better than others. Some days, he felt well enough to get up and wander about the palace, to train. Other days he could do no more than lay in bed and sob at the pain that wracked his small frame. Others still he found himself angry, lashing out at all who looked at him, even big brother Gilbert.  
  
Not that the Prussian man minded. It was normal, all that was happening was completely normal. At least; he assumed it was. While Gilbert himself had never been a collection of other states to know one hundred percent how the child felt, he knew that Dieter had often gone through swings like this as well when things were tense. At least, he mused as he brought Ludwig his breakfast, worried the child would still be in bed ill, Ludwig was still far kinder when he did lash out. Gilbert knew he didn’t mean it, his people were discontent, and so he too was discontent.  
  
A small twinge of guilt pulled at Gilbert. He himself was not making it much easier, he’d tried, truly he had, but still Roderich continued to get under his skin, and still he continued to find new ways to poke and prod at the Austrian. Not that it was his fault, of course! He was still angry over Roderich taking Dieter from him, of twisting his own little one against him. He’d hate him until the day he took his last breath.  
  
“Good morning, Luddi, how are you feeling?” Gilbert questioned as he stepped into his brothers chambers, he’d be making the boy stay in his own bed while sick. Almost immediately, a feeling of panic washed over him, the tray in his hands clambouring to the ground.  
  
Ludwig wasn’t in his bed. He wasn’t in his bed, and Gilbert hadn’t seen him wandering about the palace as he normally did. Worry knotted itself in his stomach, a lump forming in his throat, thick and hard to swallow as he ran to his own chambers, grabbing his jacket. He had to find Hasi. He was sick, after all, what if something happened to him! What if his dear Ludwig was lying in a ditch somewhere, scared and alone?  
  
He wasn’t.  
  
The blonde had woken early that morning, dressing and quietly slipping from his room. Physically, he felt better than he had in a while, and yet- the discontent had grown. Almost as though his body were running on autopilot, he got a horse from the stables, the ten year old heading towards the main city. It wasn’t far, he knew, and although he’d only gone alone once before on an errand, he seemed to know the way. His people were unhappy. Gilbert kept telling him that it would pass, that everything would get better soon, but where, all too often, was brother found? At Austria’s making the problem far worse than it had to be. No, in his agitated state, the child found himself believing his husband less and less. He’d rather hear his people’s thoughts from their own mouths.  
  
They were more than willing to tell the boy, who had long since been revealed as the nation he was. Their own words were far from what Gilbert had been telling him. They were displeased with the state of their home. Of the Confederation, and nobles- hell, Gilbert himself, deciding to pick fights that only made things worse. They wanted a united nation under a liberal government, rather than being held to the whims of the rich.  
  
And with each word he heard, each person he talked to, the child grew more angry. Angry at his brother, at all his brothers. At the ones who were causing his people to suffer, and as such, cause the pain throughout his body. They wanted a free united Germanic State, they told him. And he had to agree with them. It was ridiculous, the level of foolishness the elders were showing, and he was sick of it. And so Ludwig agreed to help them, following them down to a cellar and looking over their plans.  
  
“These are good.” He murmured, blue eyes intent and serious as he ran his fingers along the plan. “But you’re weak here, here, and here. It’d be far better if you start slow. Ease your way into full revolution so that when it comes time, you’ll already be in a position to take it, to demand reform.” The child glanced up at the head, face thoughtful. “Prussia and Austria are honestly the biggest part of the problem at this point. If you can take the power from their monarchs, then perhaps it will force them to finally settle down a bit. They just can not grow up. It’s ridiculous, and they need to be put in their place.” He decided.  
  
It hurt him to think about. This was the biggest betrayal to the man whose side he had promised to stand by. The one who had taught and protected him; he was literally planning to take his power out from under him. But Gilbert had gotten out of control lately too, and was it not the Prussian warrior himself that had told Ludwig their people’s needs came before their own pettiness? Gilbert and Roderich were not putting the Confederation or their people’s needs first. Ludwig couldn’t worry about brother, not right now. He had to do what was right. Right to make his precious people happy.  
  
“I can come when I can and help you plan.” He decided. “It’s hard for me to get away, as it is brother will be furious with me when I return home. But I’ll try. I’m with you on this, the will of my people outweighs my will. I want this unrest to settle as badly as all of you.” Another burst of pain shot through his body, violent coughs wracking the blonde childs body, blood falling from his lips. Well, shit. That was new. A quiet fear creeped through him at the sight of the daunting liquid, but he didn’t show it, instead wiping his mouth with his handkerchief and continuing work.  
  
“Are you alright, Sir?” The leader, Kristoff Sattler, questioned, hazel eyes wide with concern as he scooped the child up into his arms. “Perhaps you should go home for today? We can manage, but you won’t be any good if you’re ill.”  
  
Ludwig gave a shaky nod, letting the man help him back to his horse and clinging on weakly as he returned to the palace, promising to come back when he could. Stumbling inside, Ludwig clutched his head, coughing up more blood, wiping his mouth before rounding the corner, just to bump into Gilbert. “Oh, Big bruder I’m sorry I didn’t see y-”  
  
The slap that echoed throughout the palace was the last thing that Ludwig expected. Blue eyes widened in shock, clutching his cheek as pain began to ripple through it.  
“Where were you!?” Gilbert screamed, grabbing him close and burying his face in his hair. “I was so scared, Ludwig, scared something happened to you! Don’t you ever run off like that without telling me, or so help me, I will beat you so badly you won’t sit for a month!”  
  
“I’m… I’m sorry…” Ludwig whimpered, looking away sadly. It’d been so long since Gilbert had hit him… “My people were uneasy.. I was uneasy! I had… I had to go talk to them.. to my people…” He whispered. “I can’t promise I won’t run off again! You’re the one who told me. Our peoples needs come first, and they _needed me to come._ ”  
Gilbert flinched, scowling. “Fine! But don’t come complaining to me when you get more sick!” With that he turned and stormed off, anger on his face. How dare Ludwig scare him like that, and then throw his own words back in his face.  
  
Ludwig stared brokenly after the other, torn in what he wanted. He hated Gilbert being mad at him, but he needed his people happy more than anything. Another violent cough tre from his lips, as the blonde drug himself to his room, collapsing on the floor.


	20. Chapter 20

As the months passed, Ludwig grew more and more ill. Many days, he had a hard time walking around on his own, kept to his bed, vomiting violently in his chamber pots, blood staining his mouth. He felt like he was dying, sore and sick and scared. Gilbert tried to help where he could, but there was little he could do. After all, this was no human illness with a cure, it was from the tension, and once more, Gilbert was filled with guilt at his role in it. All he could do was sit at the child’s bedside, stroking through his hair.  
  
Yet even now, as sick as he was, Ludwig snuck out to meet with his people, working on their plans to bring about change. He agreed with them wholeheartedly, the system as a whole had to be rebuilt with the needs of the people in mind if the united German Confederation, he himself, were to ever be stable and successful. He listened to their concerns intently, even as his skin grew paler and paler with every day, his sense of urgency the same as their own. He understood their concerns: Right now, his empire was being controlled by a handful of rich nobles who held no care for the needs or well being of the common folk, only for retaining their own wealth and power, and that needed to change. These were the people who fed their nation, who cultivated the land until it was rich and healthy. The ones who did the work to make it great, and Ludwig adored and appreciated each and every one of them.  
  
“Sir, are you sure you’re alright? You can take a rest, we will all understand. You are ill, do you truly think none of us can see that? Why do you try so hard to hide your pain?” Kristoff urged half desperately, trying to lead the child to a soft mattress that lay on the floor of the hide out. The boy was far too pale, his eyes lacking their usual lustre. It was concerning, to say the least. The humans had no idea what would actually happen to a nation if it got sick enough, but they were parents with little ones of their own, and to see the ten year old looking quite this sickly was quite upsetting. The last thing they wanted was for Ludwig to run himself into the ground on their behalf.  
  
The boy tiredly shook his head, holding up a hand to stop the other from continuing. “My place is here, where my people need me. Your fight is my fight, your…” A violent cough tore from his throat, sending a fresh wave of shakes down the blonde’s back as Ludwig fought to hold it together, to not pass out. He took a shuddered breath, trying again. “...Your pain is my pain. I cannot rest when my people suffer. I am all of you, my illness will heal when my people are safe and no longer hunger, no longer fear their futures.” His head was absolutely spinning, stomach turning with nausea, Ludwig grabbing a bucket and throwing up violently. Wiping the blood from his lips, he finally conceded, moving to the mattress, curling up in a tiny ball as shivers ran through him. It wasn’t long before the small nation lost consciousness, the concerned adults looking on.  
  
Gilbert was more than a little concerned. And incredibly furious. He’d gone to check on Ludwig, worried about the fever that had been ravaging the child, bringing him a bowl of broth from the kitchen. Imagine his fear when he had opened the door to his brothers chambers, just to find the bed empty. Almost instantly, he had begun to panic. Where had Ludwig gone to? What if he was lying in a ditch somewhere, too weak to move? The albino ran to the Adalene and Aldric’s quarters, quickly explaining the situation and urging them out to the carriage. He’d gone back to the city, he had to have. There was no where else that Ludwig would think to run to, although why he thought to run at all, Gilbert didn’t know. Moments later, the three were off, the driver given instructions to go as fast as the horses would allow.  
  
Ludwig slept for a solid two hours, before finally awaking, looking even more weak and tired than before. Still, he moved back to the strategy table, going through the plans and making adjustments where needed, letting others do the writing; his head was just too dizzy to attempt to write. He was quite unaware that he’d been found out, that Gilbert was coming. Gilbert had still been so mad at him, he’d expected the other would simply let him sleep. He had no way of knowing the Prussian had been creeping in to watch over him as he slept, to make sure he was safe, still breathing.  
  
“Ludwig Beilschmidt, what the fuck do you think you’re doing? Do you fucking know how worried I was? How scared I was something had happened to you? Adalene and Aldric and I have been scouring this entire damn city for you, knowing you were ill, and here I find you working to stab me in the back?” Gilbert snarled from the doorway, stalking over to the boy. So much for Ludwig’s vows of being Gilbert’s. So much for his promise to equally protect, perhaps the power had gone to the childs head?  
  
Ludwig completely froze, his entire body falling tense, and rigid. A shiver ran down his spine, the last bit of color he had held draining from his cheeks. He didn’t turn, he didn’t dare, even as a hand landed on his shoulder in an iron grip. Oh God. Gilbert was going to kill him, wasn’t he? Not truly, he knew that, but he also knew just how much this would hurt the albino man. Slowly, shakily, he turned, locking eyes with the man and flinching.  
  
There was no mistaking the blatant hurt on Gilbert’s face, the look of betrayal, and it absolutely broke Ludwig’s heart. Still, he steadied his breathing, and his voice, before speaking. “I am discussing with my people their concerns. I am doing my job. And perhaps if you weren’t constantly more wrapped up in childish fighting with Mister Austria, you would be listening to them to! They are unhappy, and rightfully so.” The child held his grown, blue eyes firm on this, confidence growing with every word he spoke. His people were far more important, and he had to put his feelings as a human aside to be their nation. “The nation is run by nobles who are so busy with fighting and worrying about their own wealth that they let their people starve. These are the people who feed our nation, who build it, and they’re the ones who are the least appreciated!!”  
  
He was fully prepared to be slapped, but not for the fist that pummeled into his face, sending the sick boy flying backwards, blood pouring from his lip. Shakily, he forced himself back up, wiping at his lip, even as Kristoff quickly stepped between them, guarding the little boy protectively. The last thing he’d allow to happen was a child to be beaten on account of him.  
  
“Step aside, human.” Gilbert snarled, fire in his eyes. “This does not concern you, this is between me and that little traitor!” He lunged forward, fully ready to hit the boy again…  
  
… Just to freeze as a woman's scream filled the air outside the building, followed by a cry of, “Adalene!”


	21. Chapter 21

Ludwig wasn’t sure if the cold he felt was really on the outside, or simply buried deep in his heart. The rain hit his face, icy and refreshing, causing a chill to run down the child’s spine, but if he noticed, he made no move to acknowledge it, blue eyes flat as he stared into the box being lowered into the ground. He would get more ill from standing outside, there was no doubt about that, but he’d be damned if he cared today. She was gone. He had adored her, and it was his fault she was gone.  
  
Beside him, Aldric stood to one side, Gilbert on the other, although it was only Aldric who offered him the comfort of a hand on his small back, rubbing in soothing circles. The boy continued to stare ahead. His heart felt heavy, the pain he felt far worse than that he had felt from his illness, as he watched the woman who had protected him disappear into the ground, a grim sort of finality that Ludwig had never had before washing over him as he finally stepped forward, tossing the rose he had until now cradled so dearly in his arms on top of the wooden box.  
  
That scream had shattered all he cared for. Both he and Gilbert had run, neither caring at that moment for their own fight, their own problems. What they had found had absolutely devastated Ludwig. There, lying in Aldric’s arms, blood on her skin, lay Adalene, her blonde hair now dyed strawberry. Her chest was still, no breath falling from her lips, and Aldric, big strong Aldric, was sobbing over her. Feeling his heart all but stop in his chest, the boy had cautiously approached, falling beside the man and reaching out shakily to touch the woman who had aided in raising him, the only woman he had really cared for. His fingers were timid, eyes wide with shock as they met icy skin. No. _No. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be!_  
  
“W-what happened to her?” Ludwig questioned hoarsely, biting back the urge to vomit as he forced his eyes away from Adalene’s mangled form and up to her distraught husbands face. In his stomach, he could feel a physical ache, quite unlike anything he’d felt before. Gilbert didn’t even try to approach them, continuing to glare at his brother with those icy crimson eyes. He made no attempt to comfort the boy, despite this being his first time experiencing death. Let him deal with it on his own, Gilbert was still furious with him. It had taken everything in him not to beat the boy to a pulp, and honestly, had it not been for that scream, he likely would have.  
  
“She got bumped and fell into the street…” Aldric whispered, his eyes broken as he stared down at the love of his life, gathering her closer into his arms. “I tried to get her in time, but it was too late, she got trampled by a horse and buggy.”  
  
Which led them to where they were now. The priest said a final prayer, and it was over, the undertaker beginning to shovel chunks of dirt on top of the box, as blue eyes continued to stare. Ludwig wanted to cry. He wanted to scream, to fall to his knees and tell her he was sorry. He wanted to hug her again, to curl up in her lap and hold on as she rocked him and told him bedtime stories. His fault… it was all his fault.  
  
Silently, Aldric picked the child up, not looking at Gilbert as he carried the boy protectively, pressing a kiss to his head and wiping the tears Ludwig hadn’t realized had fallen from his son’s cheeks. “It’s ok…” He whispered softly. “It’s ok, little one. It wasn’t your fault. It was just… an accident. That is all. There was nothing you could have done to protect her, please don’t beat yourself up.” Even he knew it wasn’t true. If Ludwig hadn’t of run off, if they hadn’t had to of gone to find him, his wife would be alive. But from the dark black and purple bruise on his child’s eye, he figured Gilbert had already given him hell for that, this boy was all he had left of his family, he wouldn’t let him take this hurt on alone.  
  
“Like hell it wasn’t.” Gilbert muttered coldly from their side, not even flinching as broken blue eyes looked up at him. Good. He hoped it hurt. Long, pale fingers curled into fists at his side, as he stared right back, not wavering even a little. God, Ludwig’s eye looked absolutely dreadful, the Prussian had landed a damn good hit on him. And looking at him now, those tears in his eyes, Gilbert felt the honest to God desire to hit him once more, to beat him until he was black and blue and half dead. How could _Ludwig_ , sweet precious little Ludwig, stab him in the back like that? How could he have stood there so calmly and told Gilbert he was a part of the problem? Of course, Gil knew it was true, but he’d never expected his darling brother to go behind his back. At least Dieter had always told him to his face. It hurt. Oh God, how it hurt. Ludwig had been the one person he’d truly believed would never betray him. The child had always seemed so eager to make him happy to prove himself, and, Gilbert supposed, in some ways, he was proving himself now. He was proving that he could be a good nation, that he could put his people’s needs ahead of his own, but that didn’t stop Gilbert from suffering that heartbreak. And so he’d shut down again, had put up a cold exterior and made himself hide in the anger he’d shown so long ago. In a way, this almost hurt worse than anything Dieter had ever done to him, because he’d _expected_ something like this from Dieter. “Maybe if you hadn’t been a fucking traitor, she’d be alive still.” He spat, watching as the child’s brow furrowed, his small arms hooking around Aldric’s neck.  
  
Aldric opened his mouth to speak, to angrily tell Gilbert to shut his mouth and not speak to the boy that way, but Ludwig was quicker. “Maybe if you actually cared more for your people than your own selfish ego, you’d know your constant fighting with Roderich is making our people miserable, and I wouldn’t have had to be with them! You’d know you’re hurting them for your own stupid grudge. Why? Just because Dieter chose to stay with him? Is that worth _not doing your job and putting your people’s best interest first?”_  
  
Gilbert stared at Ludwig in shock, completely stilling as a cold washed over him slowly. And then, the words he would regret speaking for decades fell from his lips. “ _At least I’m not the reason my own mother is dead.”_ And with that, time seemed to stop around them.  
  
Ludwig stared at him in shock, his tears beginning to fall in earnest as he let out a wail of despair, burying his face in Al- his father- ‘s shoulder, clinging on for all he was worth, his heart breaking completely in his chest. His mother. Adalene had been his mother, and Gilbert had never even had the decency to tell him. “I hate you, Gilbert!” He wailed out, his voice holding nothing short of agony as his fingers fisted into the burly mans shirt, burrowing his face closer. “I hate you, I hate you!”  
  
Gilbert had only a moment to register what was about to happen before Aldric’s fist connecting with his face, strong and well aimed, undoubtedly dooming his eye to the same fate as Ludwig’s as the man glared him down, cradling his son all the closer to his chest, large arms protective as they wound around him. “You will _not_ talk to my son that way. Adalene trusted you with our child, and so _I_ trusted you with him. We trusted you to protect him, to love him. It is clear you’re incapable of that by what you just said alone. I’m taking him home with me, at least for as long as I remain alive.” The man said firmly, before carrying the boy off and leaving Gilbert alone in the rain, once more wondering if he’d ever deserved Ludwig in the first place.


	22. Chapter 22

Ludwig stared blankly out the window of the carriage, his knees to his chest on the bench seat as he watched the palace disappear from sight. He didn’t know how to feel. The ache in his chest was unbearable, it felt as though it could crush him at any moment, or steal his air until he suffocated. A hoarse cough fell from his lips, burning his throat even more, but at this point, the pain was almost a relief from what he was feeling, even as his father’s large hand gently rubbed at his back, trying to comfort him.  
  
He had broken his oath. The guilt for that had now fully begun to set in as the carriage headed through the city and beyond, back towards where Gilbert had found Ludwig in the first place. He had _broken_ his oath. To his brother. To his husband. To the person who had meant more than to the child than he could even begin to put into words. He had sworn to protect the warrior just as much as he was protected, and what had he done instead? He’d gone behind Gilbert’s back, and betrayed him by talking to those who wanted reform. And what was even worse, he had caused his own mother’s death… and now he was running. He was abandoning Gilbert completely, something he’d sworn to never do. _He was worse than Dieter._ And that was saying something, considering that Ludwig was well aware of how Dieter had hurt his brother.  
  
“Emmerich… Ludwig.. are you alright, my little one?” Aldric questioned, reaching out to tenderly stroke through his son’s hair. He had absolutely no idea how to help the child. He could never understand just how much the boy was hurting, he knew that. He hated that Emmerich had ever been chosen for this in the first place. He hated that Adalene had had to watch their child die, just to have him back and still not live to see him grow. He hated that he would never see his son as an adult either. But it was something he had long since come to accept. All Aldric could do was take him away from the palace. Not forever, but until the boy healed. Until he was stable and healthy enough to return. Honestly, if Aldric had his way, the child would never go back to that life. But he knew that wasn’t an option. Ludwig _wasn’t_ Emmerich anymore. He had responsibilities far greater than any child should have been burdened with, and even now, the man knew what his son’s sense of duty was like. He would return some day, even if it made him miserable.  
  
_Emmerich._ That was right, that had once been his name, hadn’t it? And Aldric… he’d been his father. Was his father now too. That was a strange concept to him still, he didn’t remember anything before waking up in that grave. “Yes, Father.” He whispered, his voice hoarse and flat, devoid of any and all real emotion. “I’m fine. Father…?” The boy paused, before looking up at the man, eyes dull and lacking their normal shine. “May I be called that again? Emmerich? I don’t want the name Sir Gilbert gave me. I want the name you and Miss Ada- Mother gave me. I just…” His voice shook, as he stared at his lap, dark bags under his eyes, his skin paler than it had been before he grew ill, almost greyish in tone and steadily getting worse. “... I want to pretend to be a human. At least for a while, I want to stay with you and have my Vater, and not… not worry. Not think. _About him.”_  
  
Aldric was silent a moment, running his fingers through his hair as he considered his son’s words. He couldn’t help but worry about just how adoring the boy was of Sir Gilbert. Even at the palace, he’d seen the way his son worked himself to the bone, just to get one measly smile from the older nation, and it broke his heart. There was so little he could do now.. already he’d been told about the wedding that had occurred near two years before now, and while he was livid about it even now, he knew that it was nation business, not of his realm of understanding. Still, his son adored that man, there was no doubt about that, and to see how Gilbert had spoken to Ludwig… Aldric had never known anger quite like that before.  
  
Finally, he spoke, trying to keep his voice calm and soothing for his son. “Of course you can, Emmerich. You never stopped being our little boy, nation or not. You will always be your mother and I’s baby, do you understand, my little one? But yes, I will gladly let you be a child a while. You needn’t fret or worry, little one. Our home… it was never as big as the palace, we live out in the woods, and I worked hard to provide for us. But I will protect you. We can hunt together, and I’ll teach you to cook as well. I promise you, I will never let anyone hurt you again. I am so sorry that your mother and I didn’t tell you… Sir Gilbert thought it best if we didn’t, he felt you too young to understand or comprehend.”  
  
The rest of the trip was spent in silence, Ludwig returning to staring out the window, praying with everything in him for the ache in his chest to dissipate, and his Father praying only to be able to see his son smile again.  
  
Gilbert, on the other hand, was a visible wreck. No one dared to approach him, not the servants, not even Frederick himself. He was so torn between the undeniable hurt and anger he felt, and the guilt that was now eating him alive. He couldn’t believe he had said that to his precious little Hasi. It had been a low blow, even for him, and the moment it had left his mouth, Gilbert had known he had gone too far. There was no excuse to tell Ludwig in that way about his mother. But his pride and hurt had prevented him from apologizing, even as he watched in silence as the only person he truly cared for packed his things and followed his father onto the carriage, eyes downcast and broken.  
  
Ludwig hadn’t even said goodbye.  
  
Not that Gilbert honestly expected him to, the blonde had made it abundantly clear. He hated the Prussian, and rightfully so. Gilbert had never deserved someone so precious and innocent to begin with. He’d been completely to blame this time, and he knew it. He had been the one to make the child hate him. He’d been the one unable to put aside old grudges. Had he of just- let what happened with Dieter go, then Ludwig never would have had to be in that city with those men. His mother wouldn’t have had to die. But what was done was done, there was nothing Gilbert could do now. He’d let Ludwig stay with his father until the man passed on, Gilbert knew even if Ludwig had not yet realized that the man didn’t have a terribly long time left, the life spans of humans only reached around forty these days, and already Aldric was in his thirties. He only hoped by the time Ludwig was to return, he would be able to find it in his wonderfully pure heart to forgive Gilbert of his transgressions.  
  
Somehow though, the albino couldn’t help but feel that even if his brother forgave him, he would never trust him again. They would never be close as they had been. Swirling his brandy in it’s cup, the silver haired man took a deep drink, feeling the alcohol sliding down his throat, grateful for the burn. Another soon followed, and then another, until he couldn’t think, couldn’t feel anything but that wonderful, safe anger. He couldn’t hurt if that was all he felt. He just had to keep it, to hold it close to his heart. He wouldn’t be weak. The Kingdom of Prussia would not break over a snot nosed brat. Not even if his bed felt a little too big, a little too cold without a small, warm body curled up against him. Not even if his heart hurt a little too much to really put into words.  
  
Oh God… he loved him. That realization sank into his stomach like a ton of bricks, and Gilbert found himself fighting back the urge to vomit, even as his glass hit the wall with a loud crash, shattering into a million pieces. How had this happened? How had he fallen for a boy that not even ten years ago, he’d hated with everything in him. How had he grown so damn attached to that little whelp with the big eyes, and the sweet smile, who seemed to hang off of his every word and adore him no matter what he did?  
What had he done? Oh God in heaven, how had he hurt that child? How had he hit him, Ludwig who was his most precious little brother, who would someday be his husband in more than simply name? Ludwig who was so protective over him, taking on even the other far bigger Germanic states so that they wouldn’t speak ill of him? Burying his face in his hands, Gilbert broke, beginning to sob in earnest. He wasn’t sure there was any fixing this, not this time.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, as an apology for Ashes stupidity and hella long lack of updates, please accept this extra long chapter which i pray is not shit.- Ashes

_1820_  
He missed Gilbert. It was something Ludwig- no. Not Ludwig. Not anymore. Emmerich. It was something Emmerich would never confess to in a million years, not as one day turned to two, and two to a month, and a month to a year. He wouldn’t confess it, even as his body grew at a somewhat more rapid rate; being around normal humans as one of them, he supposed. Before the blonde had even really noticed, three years had passed, his body resting at about fourteen physically. He had grown awkwardly tall in the time he had been away from the palace- still not as tall as his brother, he imagined, but tall enough to no longer be considered a little boy. His face had lost it’s baby fat and roundness, leaving just the beginnings of a firm jawline. He’d grown stronger too, Father had ensured that.  
It wasn’t that Emmerich was unhappy here. Quite the opposite, he loved being around Aldric. It felt so incredible to be able to act his age, to grow properly under the comforting care of his father, without having to worry about things far beyond the full reach of his understanding. And yet… an incredibly empty feeling had formed in his chest. He tried to tell himself it was simply that mother was in the ground, far away from them, but Emmerich knew better. Even Aldric seemed to know it, shooting his son sad smiles every now and again when he thought that the boy wasn’t looking. And it wasn’t even just Aldric. Every time they went into the city, he would catch the people he’d associated with before offering him sympathetic looks, others apologetic. He hated it. He hated the feeling of being pitied. And so, he kept his head held high, and tried to learn what it meant to be a normal boy. He helped his father around the house, and with outside chores, and did everything his mother had done before him.  
He had, however, found one place, his secret place, that was his alone to go and think. It was the one place he allowed himself to truly feel. The old tree stood at the edge of the yard, tall and strong, it’s branches hidden by dark green foliage. Emmerich’s legs propelled himself forward towards it, calloused fingers curling around one of the branches and hauling himself up onto it. Another soon followed, and then another, until the blonde teen sat curled up halfway up the tree, hidden from all eyes. Sighing, he rested his head against the trunk, blue eyes staring out vacantly in the direction he knew the palace lay. He couldn’t help but wonder how Gilbert was doing. Did he miss him? Did he think of him often? Or had he completely erased the memory of the traitorous boy from his mind? Emmerich couldn’t say he honestly blamed him, after all, he was worse than even Dieter.  
And still the blonde’s heart ached in his chest. He was so torn, all the time. Part of him never wanted to see his brother again. Those harsh words, thrown so coldly in his face would echo in his head forever, constantly tormenting him until guilt gnawed at his very soul. And he was angry too, just as angry as Gilbert. After all, he had been completely dedicated for nearly a decade, and the warrior had never even had the decency to tell him the woman who held him so tenderly, so lovingly in her arms was his mother. And yet.. the other part of him ached to have Gilbert near, to be touched tenderly and held, to have the hair brushed off of his forehead by the elder man. To just be told it would be ok, that it wasn’t his fault. And some days, that part outweighed the anger, and the hurt. Those days were more and more lately. What would Gilbert say when he saw how much he had grown? Would he be proud? Disgusted? After all, Emmerich was still his husband in name, even if he had let his father take him away. Sighing quietly to himself, the blonde teen pulled his knees to his chin, staring off into space as he willed the tightness in his chest to diminish.  
Aldric watched from the kitchen window as his son wandered to the edge of the field, to the large tree he had seen him climb so many times. It hurt him, knowing how unhappy his son was. And he did know, even if he tried not to point it out. He himself was so incredibly proud of the boy. He’d grown tall and handsome, stronger than when he was a child even. He was a smart boy, logical and calm, and yet oh so kind and caring. He constantly tried to help those he saw in the city, giving all he had to offer, be it food, the clothes off his back, or what little money he had. He would be a good leader someday, of that Aldric was completely certain. And yet, no matter how hard he tried to distract his son, he knew what the boy was missing. Who he was missing. It ate at the blonde man, gnawed at his mind and clenched at his chest. He had been so hoping that this time away would ease his sons adoration of the man, would relieve the boy of the blind love he showed, and yet here he was, pining away as he had all along. Perhaps it had been wrong to take him away in the first place? Perhaps. He’d thought space would be healthy, after all, Gilbert was breaking the lines of what was alright, and being cruel to his only child. He’d only done what any loving father would have, right?And yet… this young teen was not his Emmerich. Not in the way he had been before, when it had been he and Adalene and their beloved child. This boy was stronger, braver. He was headstrong and noble, but he’d seen far too much to be considered a child any longer. In many ways, he was just as much man as Aldric himself. He was Ludwig, not his Emmerich, no matter how hard they both tried to pretend.  
Sighing, the man stabbed his fingers through long cornsilk locks, before stepping out of the house, trudging towards the tree his son was sitting in. Standing underneath it, Aldric craned his neck upwards in hopes of seeing the boy, finally spotting him. “Emmerich? Little one, I need to go into the city for a little bit on a errand. Can you watch the house for me while I’m gone? I know you can do it, I have full faith you’ll take care of everything. I should be back by sundown, alright? I’ll even try to bring you a preset back.” Ugh. He couldn’t believe he was actually going to do what was spinning in his head. But he supposed it was unavoidable, it was the only way to truly make his son happy. He didn’t want Emmerich pretending just for his sake, not anymore. It wasn’t fair on the boy. All he could hope was that Gilbert wouldn’t be angry enough at Aldric for taking his son back home that he kept him away from him again. After all, Aldric was getting up there in age himself, and he didn’t want to lose out on the last few years he had with Emmerich.  
Emmerich scurried down the tree at his father's voice, tipping his head curiously. It was certainly strange for Father to just decide to go into the city without any kind of warning like this, but Emmerich didn’t think to question it. After all, something must have just come up. Maybe he realized they were short on something and needed to stock up again. Blue eyes held nothing short of tiredness, despite the smile on his lips. Anyone could look at him and see that, as hard as he tried to hide it, his happiness was an act and nothing less. “Of course, Father. I’ll take good care of the house, and have supper ready when you get home.” The blonde told the elder man, giving a little nod of his head as he began to think about what would be best after a trip like that. Maybe some kind of stew. In the back of his mind, he idly wondered what Gilbert would think of his cooking, before pushing the thought from his head, although not before a tell-tale blush rose to porcelain cheeks.  
Giving a small nod, Aldric saddled up the horse before heading to town. He didn’t need their little buggy, since he wasn’t truly picking up much. Cerulean eyes were troubled, yet intent, as Aldric rode straight for the palace, greeting the guards before letting himself be led inside. He hated himself for even considering that this was a good idea, and yet, what choice did he have? The palace was far more tense, the staff all seeming overtired and stressed out, quite unlike the smiles they had worn when Ludwig was still at the palace. That was the first thing Aldric noticed. Spotting one of Ludwig’s old nurses, Aldric approached. “Deidra. Deidra, where is Sir Gilbert? I must speak with him immediately, it’s incredibly important. If he refuses, please tell him it is in regards to Emm- Ludwig.” His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument as he spoke. He was _going_ to bring Gilbert to his son tonight, if he had to fight tooth and nail. He was determined to see his son’s eyes light up the way they once had.  
At the mention of Ludwig, worry instantly crossed the woman's face. “Mister Aldric, is the little master alright? We’ve all worried these past years. Is he safe and happy? Sir Gilbert is… I don’t know how receptive he will be to seeing you, even with that message. He’s… not been faring well since the child left.” She confessed, shaking her head. “It’s like what little sanity he had, all the progress we had seen since little master Ludwig arrived- it vanished almost overnight. I feel I should warn you; he will likely be intoxicated beyond all thought and reason. That’s all he does any more. Even his Highness himself faces My Lord’s rage on a regular basis.” Despite her words, she motioned for him to follow her, leading him down the long corridor towards Gilbert’s study, where he spent most of his time. Rarely did he sleep in his chambers anymore, it simply felt wrong to be there without his brother curled into his side.  
“Yes, yes, he’s fine. Miserable, but fine. You know how he is, he cares more for the well being of those around him than himself, and I know he’s been trying to pretend he’s happy but…” A small sigh fell from Aldric’s lips. “I think he misses Sir Gilbert. No. I don’t think it, I know he does. Far too often I catch him staring off into space with a face that threatens to break my heart each and every time I see it.” Smiling almost sadly to himself, he followed behind her, hands shoved in his britches pockets. “He’s grown, far more than I expected him to. And he’s such a good boy, a son to truly be proud of. If I had my way, I’d never let him near that man again, not after the way he spoke to my dear little one. But how can I keep him away and break my childs heart? I’ll do anything to see him smile again. Even this.” He told her firmly.  
The albino knight was sitting in his study, once more staring blankly at a cup of alcohol, vodka tonight, good stuff he’d gotten from Antonio during the Spaniard’s last visit. Tonight was a worse night than most, the loneliness and guilt eating away at him. He’d tried to bring home a cheap prostitute for the night, but he’d found himself disgusted with even the idea of touching her, and when her lips had brushed at his throat, the knight had had to consciously bite back the bile that rose in his throat. He was a married man, he couldn’t touch her. Not when he had driven away his sweet little angel. How could he allow himself the comfort of forgetting for a night? He couldn’t. And so he’d sent her home with an ample amount of money for her troubles, and retired to his study, and his drinks. It seemed that, these days, the booze was his only true friend. It loved him unconditionally, never judged him, and he sure as hell couldn’t be cruel to it. _Ludwig_. The boy was constantly on his mind, even when he ached to rid himself of the memories. The way the boys face had curled up in pain as he’d spat those harsh words still lingered clearly in Gilbert’s mind, haunting him. How it had killed him to see the child’s face crumble and know that, more likely than not, his beloved little brother was afraid of him!  
Not that he had ever truly deserved him in the first place. Had he of been smart, had he of thought of anyone but himself, he would have immediately sent Ludwig to Roderich upon finding him. At least the Austrian, as much as Gilbert hated him, had taken proper care of Dieter. He’d never hit him, had never screamed and put him down until he’d cried. He would have been a far better caretaker for Ludwig as well, Gilbert knew that. Or more so- he should have sent his darling little one home with his father and mother the moment he’d found them. How was it fair to keep such a young child in the palace, to force him to face things he was far too little to either understand or be a part of? The knight could have waited. In hindsight, he knew that while unification was urgent, he could have very well let the boy have his parents lifetime with them. Adalene would still be alive then, wouldn’t she? Of course. In the end, his selfishness was the cause of everything.  
The knock on the door came as a surprise to him, Gilbert forcing himself to his feet with a groan, scowling as he opened the door, just to pause as his eyes landed on Aldric warily. Oh God. If he was here… had something happened? Was Ludwig alright? He wanted to snap that he was to be left alone, but his concern got the best of him. “...Aldric.” He greeted quietly, stepping aside to let the man enter his study, taking a large swig of his drink before shooing Deidra away. He was going to _need_ the alcohol to get through this conversation, he just knew it. Motioning the chair opposite his own, he curled back up, taking another sip silently before glancing up, crimson meeting cerulean as he fought the urge to wince. “Is Ludwig alright? Surely something important has happened if you’ve come, the last time I saw you, if I recall, you took my little one and left me with quite the shiner. It lasted some time, as an aside.” He murmured quietly. His stomach turned sickly, panic and fear welling up inside of him. If something had happened to Ludwig, he truly wasn’t sure what he would do. That would be the final blow to his sanity. He could survive being away from the boy, as long as he knew he was safe.  
“Before you ask, he’s safe.” Aldric began, deciding that that was the best place to start. “And good. I hope it hurt, Em- Ludwig’s did. It last about three weeks before it faded. You had absolutely no right to say that to him, and I want it to be fully clear, that I absolutely dislike you. I think you’re cocky, and arrogant, and if I had my way, my son would never see you again.” He told the nation calmly, his eyes like ice, cold and uncaring towards the man’s panic. “However…” A low groan escaped his lips, as he stabbed his fingers through long blonde locks, tugging slightly in a way reminiscent of Ludwig’s own nervous twitch. “...He’s miserable without you. He keeps trying to pretend for me, to hide it, but… he isn’t happy. Anyone can see that just to look at him. And so, as much as it irritates me to even ask, I need you to come see him. If you have ever cared for my son at all, you will come with me. I’m being upfront with you- I do not trust you, and if I see one pain of tear and upset fall from his eyes because of you, I will make you regret it. Nation or not. I may not be able to kill you, but you can be damn sure I can make sure you hurt for a while.”  
There was a long pause, Gilbert listening to the man with wide eyes, soaking in every word. Ludwig missed him. Ludwig thought about him still! The feeling in his chest was nothing short of elation, his breath catching momentarily in his throat. Even at the threats, he found himself nodding, moving to his feet. “Of course. Of course I’ll come. And if I hurt him again… then please. Please make me pay for it, I couldn’t bear to live with myself if I caused him another second of pain. I’ve… hated myself these past three years. All I want is to see him again. All I want is to hear his voice, for even a moment. Just- grant me that. Whether you hate me or not, understand that I didn’t want to hurt him. And what I did…” His voice cracked slightly as he curled his fingers into the crisp fabric of his jacket. “... It was unforgivable. And I will spend the rest of my immortal life trying to make up for it.”  
“You better.” Aldric muttered gruffly, following behind Gilbert as the Prussian all but ran to the stables and grabbed his horse. The ride was silent, Aldric continuing to stew in his irritation with the whole situation, while a different kind of anxiety altogether gripped Gilbert. What if Ludwig didn’t want to really see him? What if he told him he hated him again? Those thoughts and fears tumbled through his mind, no matter how he tried to push them away. They only grew stronger as they approached the cabin, candlelight illuminating through the small kitchen window. Ludwig was in there. His sweet little Hasi was so close and yet… Gilbert found himself hesitating at the edge of the meadow, his eyes wary as he slid off his horse. He couldn’t stop now, no matter how afraid he was. He had to see his brother. His husband. His world. He had to beg the child he adored for forgiveness, even if he didn’t deserve it.  
“Stay behind me until we get inside.” Aldric ordered, leading the man towards the cabin. He stepped inside silently, slipping off his boots before heading to the kitchen. “Emmerich!” He called out, ignoring the slight look of hurt that crossed the Prussian’s face at the realization that his little one didn’t use the name he had given him here. “I’m home. I hope you don’t mind, I brought a guest for dinner.” He told the teen as he stepped into the warmth of the kitchen, the room illuminated by the soft glow of the candle in the lantern. He hoped his son wouldn’t be too upset with him, that this would ease some of the boy’s unhappiness. If he was lucky, he’d even get to see the smile he’d so missed since his wife had died.  
Pausing in his stirring of their dinner, Emmerich turned to his father, more than a little confused by the words. “A guest? Of course, Father, that’s fine. I made plenty of food. Did you have a nice-” He cut off once he spotted the familiar mop of white locks in the doorway, his heart seeming to stop in his chest as the room seemed to go still. _Gilbert_. There was no way. There was no way his brother was truly standing there in front of him, looking at him almost hesitantly. He was dreaming right? He had to be! A soothing warmth began to wash over him as he glanced at his father for confirmation that he was really awake, reassured by the man’s nod. Timid feet took one step, and then another, until the teen had all but catapulted himself into the albinos arms, burying his face in the crook of Gilbert’s neck, blue eyes falling shut as he inhaled the scent he’d so missed, all his fears and loneliness melting away. “Gilbert… big bruder, you’re really here…” He whispered into him, his body shaking with silent sobs. Strong, calloused fingers curled into the back of his brothers shirt as he clutched on tightly, refusing to let go.  
Gilbert had expected a child. He’d expected chubby cherub-like cheeks, or maybe even the slightly less round face of an older child. The last thing he had expected was to see a handsome blonde young man, jaw just beginning to show the chiseled shape that would surely come, far taller than the child Gilbert had known only three short years before. And yet, there was no mistaking that this truly was his Hasi. The moment Ludwig was back in his arms, his own found their way around him, holding him as though he’d never let go,, long, delicate fingers carding through corn silk curls and savoring their softness. He pulled away only long enough to capture Ludwig’s face in his hands, gingerly tilting his chin up to take in every little detail. “Hasi… my sweet little Hasi… oh Gods, how I’ve missed you.” He whispered, tugging the other back into his shoulder and holding him there, letting his own soft sobs of joy and relief fall unhindered from his lips. “I’m so sorry… West, I’m so sorry, baby. What I said.. I just… Gods, I was so hurt, and so angry, and _I’m so so sorry, sweet one.”_ He whispered into his hair, all but shaking as he cradled him close. Pulling back, Gilbert offered the blonde a weak smile, wiping at his own tears. “Look at you. Oh my goodness, look at how you’ve grown, little Hasi, you’re almost as tall as me now! I suppose being around only humans let your body age like one.” He murmured, more than a little curious about how that had happened. But he was so incredibly proud of how his sweet one had grown, pressing idle kisses of adoration to the teens face, smothering every inch of skin in adoration, fingers continuing to stroke through his hair.  
“You’re so stupid, Gilbert.” Ludwig murmured into him, ignoring the flush on his cheeks as he buried his face back into the elder with a little huff. “It’s long since been forgiven. I missed you. I didn’t want to. I wanted to hate you, but I just… I couldn’t. I made you an oath that I was yours, and I… I’m so sorry I went behind your back. I was just so worried about our people, they were unsettled, and I was so sick…” He babbled, before cutting himself off with a shake of his head. No, now wasn’t the time for explanations, for this moment, he simply wanted to savor the arms that he had so missed being around him once more. Lifting his head, he pressed his lips to his brothers pale cheek sweetly, if not timidly. “Honestly, I’m just so happy you’re here now.” He confessed, fingers curling into the fabric of the others shirt a little bit more, determined to not let go.  
“I’ve got you, sweetheart. I’ve got you.” Gilbert murmured soothingly into his hair, fingers sliding to stroke up and down the blonde’s back adoringly, mouthing a thank you to Aldric. His heart felt as though it would burst inside his chest at the feeling of having Ludwig back in his arms, the feelings he’d been suspecting for the past three years all too clear now. He loved this boy. In hindsight, maybe he always had, from the moment he’d found him, on some deep, subconscious level. All he could do now was swear that he would never let him go again. “It’s ok.. I’m not going anywhere, I’ll never be away from you again, I swear it.” Crimson eyes drifted shut as he let his nose brush through silky curls, savoring the way the satiny tendrils caressed his skin.  
Ludwig didn’t reply, simply burrowing his face in a little closer, too happy to even be embarrassed that his father still stood there, watching the odd exchange. For tonight, he didn’t care. Tomorrow they could talk, give their explanations and apologies, figure out where to go next. For tonight, simply being held was enough.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, I'm so sorry for the long hiatus.

Aldric hated this. He hated everything about it. The way Gilbert looked at his son... And far worse, the way his son looked back. The older man worried about the kind of blind trust his son exhibited for the Prussian man. Aldric had expected the blonde boy to at least yell, to scream. To vent the anger and hurt that he had buried inside for so long. And yet there had been none of that. No, instead Emmerich had fallen into Gilbert's arms without hesitation, with nothing but that same adoration he'd always held.  
  
It made Aldric's blood boil.  
  
Gilbert knew the power he had over the younger nation, and he was all too willing to use it to his own advantage. And yet... He couldn't shake how miserable the warrior had looked, drunk off his ass, when Aldric had found him alone in his study. How lonely and broken.  
  
The blonde man slowly ascended the stairs, burly arms reaching out as a large hand closed around the handle to his son's room. He pushed it open slowly, peering inside, a sigh soon tumbling from his lips. As he had expected. The two nations were curled together in the bed, Gilbert's arms around the teens back in a hold that was nothing short of possessive. The younger boy was no better in the end, Aldric supposed, icy blue eyes noting his son's tight hold on the Warriors waist, face buried in the firm chest as though he believed only Gilbert's touch could keep the demons at bay. Groaning under his breath to himself, Aldric closed the door silently, padding to his own door. He wouldn't be around forever, he knew. He simply wanted to keep his son safe while he was still alive to do so.  
  
After all, his son was all he really had left. He supposed he couldn’t do much about whatever was growing between the two brothers. He could only pray that Gilbert would take good care of his son, would never hurt him again. Besides, it wasn’t like either even really seemed to notice what was going on, that they weren’t normal. That this wasn’t how normal brothers acted.  
  
Falling back into his bed, Aldric stared intently at the ceiling, listening to the wind rustling the trees outside the small cottage. He was being overprotective. He knew that, and no matter what his little one decided, he would stand by his side and be supportive. It was the least he could do for the child he had once held so lovingly in his arms, cradled close. For the boy who had his mother’s eyes and his strong sense of determination. He’d already watched his son die once. He’d never let anything hurt him again. And if letting him be happy meant letting him go with Gilbert, even with Aldric’s distrust of the man, then that was what he would do. It was what Adalene would have wanted, wasn’t it?  
  
Troubled thoughts plagued the man, until he finally slipped into a fitful sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ashes provides a proper update and realizes he fucked up on the short one. This is why things need to be beta'd.

The ride home vaguely reminded Ludwig of the day he had been found, sitting in front of Gilbert on the horse, clutching onto it’s mane silently. How much had changed since that day! No longer was he nameless and scared. And yet, it was somehow bittersweet. Despite the joy that Ludwig had felt seeing his brother, his beloved husband, standing there, he couldn’t deny that there was still hurt harbored in his chest, fear and mistrust. Did the knight still hate him? What if this was some trick to force Ludwig to return so Gilbert could treat him cruelly as he once had? The small teen was desperate to believe that wasn’t the case. The way the older man had held him while he had slept was too tight, to adoring.  
  
Father had been upset. That much had been obvious, and yet, he’d tried so hard to hide it for Ludwig’s sake. Was it because of that mistrust Father held too? Or was it because he was leaving back to the palace once more? The blonde boy was unsure. Fingers now roughened with callouses from years of hard work curled into the horse’s soft mane a little more, even as his body stiffened with the nature of his thoughts. It was so easy to lose himself in them, to get distracted in the anxieties he was feeling.  
  
“Hasi.” Gilbert’s voice tore through the silence, pulling Ludwig from his thoughts as the horse was stilled, and Gilbert slid off of it. The silver haired man sighed softly, stabbing his fingers through his hair before turning to face the boy. Slender fingers clasped Ludwig’s, curling around them carefully, giving only the lightest of squeezes. It was as though Gilbert himself were far more hesitant, worried that any fast movement he made would have Ludwig running once more.  
  
He couldn’t bear to let that happen once more.  
  
The knight felt as though his heart were gripped tight in a vice as he tried to find the words he wanted. He couldn’t afford to misspeak at this point, and the silence was long and cutting before he finally spoke. “Please don’t be so anxious. Don’t lie and tell me you aren’t, my little Hasi. Your whole body is tense as the day I brought you first to the palace. You’re afraid.. of me.” The words were pained, voice choking in his throat as he tried to force them out around the steadily forming lump. Not that Gilbert could honestly blame Ludwig for that. He’d been beyond cruel, and Ludwig undoubtedly thought that vein would continue.  
  
“I need you to… I need you to understand, my little Hasi.” Gilbert lifted the hands, head bowing to rest his forehead against them, as though whispering a silent prayer. “Those words I spoke that day… I said them out of hurt. I felt betrayed, and I lashed out cruelly. But I… I never thought you would be in talks behind my back. That while I was worried for your health, you would be with them, planning my downfall. I wanted to give my all to you, my land, my title, and you betrayed me, little one. Even now, I don’t understand why.”  
  
Sighing softly, Ludwig leaned forward until his head rested against his brothers, gold falling atop silver as he inhaled lightly, savoring the comfort of the scent that was all Gilbert. “I wasn’t trying to betray you, dearest brother. Nor was I trying to be ungrateful, although I realize it likely seemed that way. But I… my people were hurting. I was ill, and I was so scared. I don’t know why, but I just felt as though I’ve been sick like that before, and it terrified me. I wanted my people to trust me. To put their faith in me. And I…” A pause, as the teen looked away, his voice meek and nervous. “I didn’t know how you would react to me telling you. You’d been so tense… and I know that big brother Austria is a sore spot for you, because of Dieter. One of the nurses told me what happened… how he had been caring for him when he died… I was afraid. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but my feelings come second to theirs, so I did what I thought I had to.” Please let Gilbert understand. That was all Ludwig wanted.  
  
“...I missed you.” He finally confessed, burying his face back into the others hair. “I hated myself for betraying you like that, for getting my mother killed… I just wanted to try to be a good nation. I’m not very good at it obviously… I’d understand if you don’t even want me to be back at the palace with you. But… if you do really want me back… I’ll wait extra hard to be a good brother again… to be a good husband and a good nation. I swear it, Gilbert, I’ll do better!” Ludwig’s voice cracked, tears dampening his brother’s hair as he kept his face buried against the other, trying to hide the sobs that threatened to fall from his lips. He wasn’t truly sure his heart would be able to survive if Gilbert turned him away, but he’d be strong.  
  
Gilbert listened intently to every word his brother spoke intently, not speaking as to let the boy spill everything he needed to say, each word cutting through the Prussian like a dagger. Had he truly not listened to his Ludwig? Had he put his own selfish jealousies and grudges ahead of his darling one’s health? Yes, he had. He’d made Ludwig feel as though he couldn’t come to him, and that knowledge gnawed at him slowly. But worst of all… he’d made Ludwig believe his mother’s death truly was his fault.  
  
“Listen to me.” Lifting his head, crimson met cerulean, commanding the youngers attention, yet still so soft. The hands moved from the younger nations own up to Ludwig’s face, cradling the cheeks, now slimmer and without the roundness of childhood, thumbs caressing the others cheeks soothingly. “You didn’t cause anything. It was an accident, plain and simple, and I never should have told you otherwise. I never should have made you feel as though I was unapproachable with your worries. We’re both to blame for this mess, my sweet Hasi, not just you. So why don’t we go forward from today and work harder to understand one another, alright? Don’t fret with being a good husband or a good nation. Just be Ludwig, my precious little Hasi. There will be time for all of that, for now, I simply want to savor being able to see your face once more.”  
  
A smile tugged at his lips, as he ran a hand through Ludwig’s hair gently, his heart giving a rough thump at the small laugh the action brought from the boy’s lips. God, how much he loved this child. Once more, he questioned how he’d ever been so cruel to Ludwig. “Look at how you’ve grown at that! No longer a little boy, are you? You’ve gone and become a big strong man while you were away.” He teased, tugging the boy from the horse to press a kiss to his temple. “Soon you’ll be as tall as me, and what will I say then? ‘This is my little brother, Ludwig. Yes, I assure you he is my _little brother._ ’ Just imagine! And the poor girls of the city, you’ll break their hearts with what a handsome man you’ve become, won’t you?” Gilbert’s voice was warm, even as he cradled the other to his chest, almost desperate to prove that he’d never hated him, that he truly did want the other to come home once more.  
  
Flushing deeply, Ludwig chuckled in spite of himself at his brothers words, easily able to bury his face against the man’s collarbone at his current height, something he was all too glad to take advantage of. “Their hearts will have to break then, brother, I’m a married boy.” He reminded, tension lessened in his voice as he relaxed against the other, soothed and reassured by the light nature Gilbert was showing. As if he cared about the girls to begin with. No, he had no interest in girls, he wasn’t sure he ever had. His heart hammered in his chest as he pressed closer, savoring the feeling of the others lily-white throat so close to his lips. Curiously, he let his lips brush along the skin, surprised at the shudder that ran down Gilbert’s spine, even as the knight slowly pulled away.  
  
“Careful, sweet one.” Gilbert murmured cautiously, kissing his brother’s head before helping him back up onto the horse, mounting behind him. “Those sort of things are for adults who are married, alright? And before you say it, I am aware we are wed. But you’re still a child, my sweet one. So be a good boy and don’t argue me on this, alright? You didn’t know, so it’s alright this time, but only kisses on the head, cheeks, and hands are appropriate for brothers, you understand?” Dear God above, help him. His sanity was not going to last with Ludwig growing curious about things such as that.  
  
Porcelain cheeks heated up, tinting a deep pink as Ludwig gave an embarrassed little nod. “Yes brother, I understand.” Truly he hadn’t known, but now that he had tried it, he ached to do it again. Why had it felt so wonderful to have that sort of contact? He didn’t really understand, even as a small wave of warmth washed over him, unlike anything he’d ever felt before.  
  
And as they took off once more towards the palace, Ludwig’s heart gave a rough little thump in his chest.


	26. Chapter 26

Ludwig had been acting strangely ever since they had arrived back at the palace. He seemed far more shy, more flustered around the knight he had once been so comfortable with. At first, Gilbert had attributed it to Ludwig having a hard time adjusting to being back in the palace, to him still being wary of the Prussian. That wasn’t the case. Oh no, the truth of the matter was far far worse. He had first realized what was going on a few weeks after Ludwig had finally come home. The two had been curled up in their bed, the same as they had done when Ludwig was smaller, strong, slender arms wrapped around the blonde boy protectively, even as Gibert slept peacefully, content to finally have his brother’s warm body back in his arms, the feeling bringing a sense of warmth and safety to the knight who had so missed it.  
  
Gilbert had been awoken to a strange sensation, a movement against his thigh. At first, he’d been greatly confused, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes as he forced himself to sit up with a groan, not wanting to wake up Ludwig from his peaceful slumber. God, how quickly he wished he had just gone back to sleep and ignored it! There beside him was his sweet, darling little brother, still sound asleep, face flushed and lips parted, breath coming in small pants as he rolled his hips against the firm muscles of the Prussian’s thigh, fingers curled into the fabric of Gilbert’s dressing gown. Well, shit. That was new. Gilbert’s face immediately burned a deep crimson, as he stared shell shocked at his brother. What was he supposed to do? Should he wake him? Should he move? Or should he just let the boy continue? If he woke him, Ludwig would surely be embarrassed, and then it would be even harder to ease past the shyness the boy had been been showing lately. And if he moved, that would disturb Ludwig still.  
  
A low groan escaped his lips as he brought his palm to his forehead, dragging it down his face slowly. Fuck, fuck, he was so far out of his league here. Why hadn’t he put two and two together and realized the blonde was going through puberty before now? At least then he could have sent him to his own bed, rather than have Ludwig discover his body literally against Gilbert’s leg. Why did God hate him so much? What had he done to deserve _this?_ Already his body was stirring, reacting and it was all he could do to carefully shift his hips away from his brothers lithe body, trying his best to ignore this. Fuck. Why did he think it was a good idea to let a fourteen year old boy sleep with him?  
  
What was worse was that if he told Ludwig he had to start sleeping in his own bed, the blonde nation wouldn’t understand. He’d always slept with Gilbert, and the knight knew the younger would immediately think he had done something wrong and angered Gilbert. So the albino found himself, quite literally, stuck in a hard place. As soft moans and mewls fell from Ludwig’s lips, Gilbert found himself desperately trying to think of anything, and everything, else. If there was one thing the Kingdom of Prussia did not appreciate, it was being blue balled, which the blonde at his side was currently inadvertently doing. It wasn’t even like Gilbert could go into town and lose himself in some loose woman; he was a married man.  
  
_‘It’s normal, absolutely normal.’_ He tried to reassure himself. His darling Hasi was just going through puberty, that was all, and while he himself did not fully remember puberty, especially having been a Holy Order, he imagined that this was how it normally went, granted perhaps not against one’s brother. That was until he heard the breathless little mewl of his name coming from Ludwig’s lips. Fuck, there went that theory. It seemed that someone had gone and developed a little crush. It certainly explained the shyness the teen had been displaying lately, and Gilbert doubted even Ludwig himself realized what was going on. With a low groan, the Prussian held his pillow over his face, forcing himself to drift back into sleep.  
  
In the morning, the first thing he did was wash the sheets.


	27. Chapter 27

Ludwig was feeling incredibly strange. He had been for weeks, and it was beginning to worry him. It didn’t feel as though he were sick exactly, not like before at least. It was more of a strange warmth in his stomach that turned and coiled. Oddly enough, it only happened when Gilbert was near him, the feeling swelling and washing over him, his stomach turning in a surprisingly pleasant way for as long as he was near him, then dissipating when Gilbert was away from him again.  
  
It was this worry that brought him to the Knight’s chambers, fingers rapping rapidly on the large, wooden door, shifting on his feet uncomfortably as he waited. He hadn’t even realized he’d been acting strangely, how could he? He’d never felt anything even remotely close to this before, he had nothing to compare it to, to give him those hints. “Gilbert!” He called out impatiently, trying to keep his panic from his voice as he waited.  
  
It was that panic that alerted Gilbert to his brother’s presence. He’d been napping in his arm chair after a rather large glass of brandy, enjoying the momentary peace and quiet. After all, the past few nights had been absolute hell on both his sanity and his senses. He was so determined not to touch the blonde until he was a bit older, he just couldn’t bear to do that to Ludwig, and the nightly recurrences were becoming increasingly uncomfortable. It wasn’t as though Ludwig even knew what he was doing, having been soundly asleep for each, and while Gilbert certainly didn’t blame him, he really didn’t appreciate being blue balled either.  
  
Forcing himself to his feet, the albino moved to the door, swinging it open and looking at the younger nation with worry. “Ludwig!? What on earth is wrong, Hasi, you sound as though someone has kicked a puppy!” The look on his brother’s face caused Gilbert’s stomach to tighten once more. Shit, why was it that any conversation with Ludwig these days was something for Gilbert to brace for? It had never been like this before, and he found himself honestly missing the boy being younger. Things had been far less complicated then, he’d admit.  
  
Chewing on his lip, Ludwig shifted uncomfortably on his feet, refusing to look at his brother. “I… G-Gil, I think I’m sick again. Only… it doesn’t feel the same. I just… I feel really really strangely…” The blonde trailed off slightly, blue eyes flickering to meet crimson and immediately leaving once more, even as Gilbert groaned lowly. Fuck, he had to actually deal with this, didn’t he? It wasn’t like he could just ignore the problem when Ludwig was actually standing here at his door, looking as though he were going to cry. With a sigh, he dragged his hand down his face slowly, stabbing his fingers through ivory tresses as he stepped aside to let the younger nation into his study. “Come here, darling little Hasi. Come talk to big brother.” He murmured. Shutting the door behind Ludwig, he moved to his chair, coaxing the blonde onto his lap and ignoring the uneasy feeling that once more hit him. No matter how uncomfortable he was with this whole thing, he had to suck it up for Ludwig’s sake right now.  
  
Ludwig hesitated for only a moment, before crawling into Gilbert’s lap, golden crowned head resting against the warriors shoulder, even as he twined their fingers together slowly. “Am I going to be ok, big bruder? I don’t understand this feeling.. I’ve had it since we got back. It’s like… a whole bunch of butterflies flapping around in my stomach. I feel incredibly warm, as though I’m fevered, but no headache accompanies it. I… “ Ludwig paused a moment, the younger nation turning his head away once more. The last thing he wanted was for Gilbert to think he was scared of him, or so unhappy he was getting sick. “..It’s only around you. What’s happening to me, bruder? Please, tell me what’s wrong!” He pleaded, pressing closer into the elder without much thought, not noticing the way Gilbert immediately tensed.  
  
God help him. That was all that Gilbert could think, over and over again. Why hadn’t he let Ludwig go to Liz for this talk? She’d given it to Feliciano, perhaps if he wrote her, she’d come and do it for him? Unlikely, and he wasn’t willing to put his pride on the line to ask. More likely than not, she’d simply laugh at his misery. “Poor, sweet innocent little Hasi…” He murmured, lifting one hand to carefully stroke through the cornsilk locks he so adored, savoring the feeling of the silken locks sliding through his own rough fingers. Holding Ludwig like this, the knight could almost pretend that nothing had changed, that the younger nation was still the same small child he had been. And in some ways, he supposed he was, still so sheltered from the world, so naive and trusting. It made Gilbert’s stomach turn once more.  
  
“You’re alright, little West. I promise you aren’t sick, alright?” The Prussian soothed, brushing his lips tenderly against the other’s temple in a show of comfort. “I can’t… exactly tell you what is going on, you have to figure that out yourself, Luddi. I can help you, but I can’t tell you.” It’d be worse if he didn’t let Ludwig figure it out, of that he was sure. Forcing a smile to his lips, Gilbert slid a hand to Ludwig’s chin, cradling his face gently and tipping it up to look at him, cautious cerulean meeting crimson. “But I can promise you, you aren’t sick.” The older nation was silent a moment, pondering his list of options that he currently had. Then it came to him- he wouldn’t touch him, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t help him figure it out right? There was nothing wrong with teasing him a bit, he reckoned. Harmless, not to mention proper pay back for blue balling him these past nights. Besides, a flustered Ludwig was adorable.  
  
Coaxing Ludwig off his lap, Gilbert stood, offering a hand. “Ludwig, I’ve decided to teach you to dance, alright? You’re beginning to grow into a man, which means you are old enough to attend royal balls with me now, and I won’t have my brother tripping over his own feet. Come on then.” He coaxed, tugging the confused blonde into his arms, one arm wrapping around his waist protectively, pulling him all the closer. The knight was intent and concentrated, eyes sharp as he took note of every reaction.  
  
A small gasp escaped Ludwig’s lips as he was pulled flush against his brother, cheeks burning a deep crimson even as he gave a nod.  
  
“A-alright, I suppose it would be a good skill to learn.” He agreed, eyes looking anywhere but at Gilbert. Why wouldn’t he tell him what he was feeling? And why was he suddenly talking about dancing? The young nation was growing increasingly confused with every moment, the warmth in his stomach only growing as those strong arms around his waist cradled him close. A small, barely audible squeak escaped his lips as he let his head rest against the older man’s shoulder, awaiting further instruction. How content he would be to always stay like this, simply savoring the feel and scent that was purely Gilbert, like gunpowder mixed with smoke! It clouded the boy’s head in a way it never had before, heart hammering roughly in his chest as Gilbert lifted his arms, looping them around the Prussian’s neck.  
  
Ludwig didn’t hesitate to comply, letting calloused fingers run without thought through the soft ivory strands that lay against the nape of the other’s neck. It was just dancing, right? And Gilbert of course would know what to do!  
  
The flush on Ludwig’s face was nothing short of adorable to the knight, still watching his brother’s every reaction intently, even as his arms returned to the blonde’s waist, the tiniest smile tugging at his lips as one hand lifted to caress the other’s hair as he cradled him close, savoring the feeling of the golden tresses under his fingertips as he let Ludwig snuggle his cheek further into his shoulder.  
  
And then he began to sway, slow and steady, letting their bodies move in unison, listening to the sound of the boy’s breathing to make sure he wasn’t too panicked or anxious. That was the absolute last thing the Prussian wanted. He could all but feel the younger nation’s heart hammering away against their conjoined chests. _Oh, Luddi…_ He thought to himself. _You’re still so little in so many ways… so sweet and naive…_  
  
Breath catching in his throat, Ludwig lifted his head, staring up at his brother with big baby blue eyes. He felt so strangely, yet so wonderful. He didn’t speak, he couldn’t find the words, inadvertently licking his lips as Gilbert’s head began to dip, coming closer and closer until he could feel his breath against his lips… Was Gilbert going to kiss him!? That was the only thought the blonde boy had, as his brother came closer and closer. That was always how the men around the palace acted when they were going to kiss the women, wasn’t it? Not that he was a woman, but he imagined it likely worked the same way.  
  
Then came the realization that he wanted Gilbert to kiss him. They were married, and he was a big boy by most people’s standards, almost a man himself! Besides, married people kissed, he knew that much at least. And so he waited, still as still can be, to feel his brother’s lips brush against his in a way different than they had before, eyes falling shut and his heart hammering as though it would burst in his chest as he waited to feel that soft pressure against his lips….  
  
But it never came.  
  
Instead came the brush of chapped lips against his nose. Gilbert had to consciously resist the urge to laugh. Or groan, he wasn’t sure which he desired more as he saw his brother waiting so sweetly for a kiss. Damn, that took away any and all doubt about him being the object of the young nation’s affection. It wasn’t as though it were a bad thing to know Ludwig felt that way, Gilbert himself was head over heels for his little Hasi, but it was just too soon for Gilbert to act, and he wasn’t sure Ludwig would understand that. He supposed all he could do for now was observe.  
  
Pulling away, a smile tugged at his lips as he patted Ludwig’s head gently, taking a step away from him. “Go to the library, sweet Hasi. There will be books in there that will explain to you what is wrong, I’m certain of that.” With that, the Prussian turned on his heel and was gone, disappearing down the hall to the shelter of his chambers, where he pondered just how he had gotten into this state of affairs in the first place.  
  
He was rather ill equipped to deal with a teenager, if he were being honest. When Aldric had come for him, he’d been expecting to go and find his still eleven year old brother, with big cherub cheeks and all the showings of childhood, not to find a boy on the cusp of manhood, handsome and strong. Gilbert would readily admit that he was still shell shocked over that, even as he fell back on his bed, stabbing his fingers through his hair and tugging with a small groan. Shit.  
  
Ludwig stared after his brother in shock and disappointment, watching as the knight all but ran from the room, pouting slightly. He had been so certain that Gilbert had been about to kiss him… Oh well. With a sigh, he moved towards the library as the man had instructed, grabbing a few books from the health section before curling up in a large plush chair. He’d figure this out. He would, all on his own.


	28. IMPORTANT EXCITING UPDATE

Hey guys, Ashes here with some really cool news!  
As of tonight, I have a book available for purchase on the kindle store, on all of their global markets!

The name of it is Aeilliema. It is a romantic fantasy story, and the first in a series I plan on writing. So to anyone who has been enjoying my stories on here, I would be incredibly grateful if you would continue to support me with this endeavor!

-Ashes

*Below is a link to the American site, but it’s available on all Amazon Kindle marketplaces. As well, if you don’t have a kindle, there is a free kindle app available for all devices*

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015VSFS70?*Version*=1&*entries*=0


	29. Chapter 28

Ludwig spent hours pouring over books, curled up in his brothers armchair, the soft glow of the fire illuminating against his skin. The library had provided, as Gilbert had said it would, ample material for his questioning mind. It had taken a while for him to find exactly what he was looking for, first pouring through medical book after medical book as though he would find some mysterious illness that was causing his body to react so oddly. He had found no solace in their pages, no answers to his questions. And then he had turned to the next section, a strange shelf of hardcover novels worn with time, and adorned in a thin layer of dust.  
He had been no more than 50 pages in when a flush had risen to porcelain cheeks. It was the tale of a man and a woman and the blossoming passion that had grown between them, and for a moment, the boy had dropped the book and kicked it away, determining to give up his quest for answers as the warmth in his face persisted. Curious fingers soon reached for it once more, smoothing back the pages with timid hands as Ludwig began to read once more. Before he had even really realized, he had finished the first and begun another, brows furrowed in intense concentration. Ludwig couldn’t quite explain it; something inside of him compelled him to continue. The feelings described in those old, dusty pages. They echoed the feelings the small teen had been having.  
It came to him slowly, creeping over him and filling him with a warmth unlike anything he’d ever known as all the pieces fell into place.  
 _He was in love with Gilbert._ Everything made sense. His desire to be near the older man, how safe he felt so long as Gilbert was near. And then that dance… how much he’d wanted Gilbert to kiss him…  
The terror came next, deep and cold, knotting and coiling in his stomach until he was certain he would be ill. As naive as Ludwig could be- he was more than a little aware that that wasn’t normal. Little brothers didn’t feel that way for their older brothers, and even though they were married, he knew that this was still wrong. A whimper fell from his lips as he threw the book cradled in his hand at the lantern sitting on the far desk, shattering the glass with a shriek. His knees curled to his chest, eyes burning with tears that he wouldn’t let fall. Gilbert would hate him if he ever found out. So much became clear. Gilbert had never kissed him, even though they were married, and the boy was certain married people kissed at least. Even his mother and father had! It didn’t even seem like that big a deal, and the boy had never been able to understand why his brother was so reluctant to talk about husband things, why he was so urgent on Ludwig just focusing on being himself for now. But now… Gilbert was disgusted being married to him, wasn’t he? It was the only answer, the only thing that made any sort of sense. It hadn’t been by choice after all- he’d been forced to marry the child for his country, so why wouldn’t he be? That had to be why he tried so hard to draw those lines for them. And honestly, Ludwig couldn’t say he blamed him. He was gangly and awkward, too emotional. He’d betrayed Gilbert, and left him. Why on earth would his brother not be disgusted?  
“Ludwig!” The cry was filled with panic as the door to the library flew open. Crimson eyes glistened with concern as they surveyed the situation, the pile of broken glass lying forlornly against the desk, shatters spread across the floor like a warning, his sweet Hasi curled in the tiniest ball his larger frame would currently allow, one hand clutched over his mouth as though it were all that was keeping him together at that moment. Gilbert wasn’t sure where to start, a ball of anxiety welling in his stomach. The Prussian took a breath to calm himself before slowly moving towards his brother, kneeling to his level, and reaching a tender hand out to run through silken blonde locks. “Shhh… shhh, no need to be frightened. It’s alright. Are you ok, sweet one?” He questioned as slender fingers cupped the boy’s cheeks, looking him over worriedly. No cuts, no scratches… Gilbert breathed a sigh of relief. That was at least one less thing he had to worry over. The lantern shattering must have just spooked the boy, he told himself as he shifted to sit on the chair, tugging Ludwig onto his lap and cradling him to his chest. “I’ve got you… I’ve got you…”  
Hesitant fingers curled into the fabric of Gilbert’s shirt, the blonde boy, still clearly upset, burying his face in the elders collar, body shaking violently. It was ok… he was ok. He was a smart boy, he could figure this out. It would all be ok. “I-I’m sorry… I b-broke the light…” He choked out, the lie sounding forced even to his own ears. Ludwig didn’t look at his brother, he couldn’t bring himself to, even as strong arms grasped him protectively. “It was an accident… I didn’t mean to…” Another lie.  
Not that it was hard to tell. Gilbert’s brow furrowed in confusion, a frown tugging his lips as he listened to his brother’s explanation, silently rubbing soothing circles on the smaller male’s back. Why was Ludwig lying to him? Ludwig had never lied to him before. Still, Gilbert didn’t call him on it. Whatever had upset the boy had upset him bad. Perhaps he had found the answers as Gilbert had sent him to? The Prussian could imagine that would be confusing, but he didn’t dare mention it and make it worse. All he could do was cradle the teen to his chest, rocking him gently as he hummed a soft lullaby in his ear, fingers never pausing their ministrations. “Hush, Hasi. It’s just a lamp. We’ve plenty more.” They were fortunate enough to not be without want for kerosene either. “It was an accident… I’m not mad. Come. You’ve had a long day, little one, you would do well to retire early tonight I imagine.”  
Gilbert scooped the blonde up into his arms as though he still weighed no more than he had when he was smaller, carrying him towards their chamber and laying him on the bed, curling up beside him and holding him tight. “You fret entirely too much, my sweet.” He teased softly, trying desperately to lighten the mood, to erase the worry from his brother’s face. “You’ll be an old man with wrinkles before you notice if you worry so much!” Ruffling Ludwig’s hair, he kissed his head lightly, willing the boy to sleep and ease whatever had so frightened him, his own mind racing as he felt his eyes growing heavier. 

\------------------

Ludwig did not sleep, not truly. He was awoken fitfully every quarter hour, the fear still gnawing at his stomach, turning to nausea and panic. A shiver ran through him as he slipped from the bed, bare feet hitting the cold tile of the chamber floor, padding as silently as he could out of the room and towards his own. He just needed some time to think on his own, to sort through his thoughts. Surely he’d be able to figure something out. Perhaps the night air would help him clear his head. Yes, that would be perfect, he decided as he dressed and padded out towards the stables, saddling his horse as silently as he could. It was all the boy could do to keep the horse quiet as he mounted her, gently urging her towards the meadows. It was bliss, the wind in his hair, the chill of the night calming him and allowing him to sort through his thoughts as he urged the animal faster and faster. He could keep it to himself. It was likely just infatuation caused by all that time apart. Surely that was the case!   
This could be fixed. Surely this could, and Gilbert would never be the wiser. Maybe some day they wouldn’t have to be married either. The thought sent pangs of upset rippling through his chest, but he forced them away. Would that be best? Better for them? That was all that mattered… eventually the unrest among his people would ease, and they wouldn’t have to be wed for Gilbert to protect him.   
A smile tugged at the boy’s lips as the worry began to ease, blue eyes drifting shut. He savored every second of clarity, of peace and quiet alone to himself, not bothering to watch where the horse was going. He’d rode her a million times, he trusted her not to go where she ought not to. He did not see her nearing the edge of the meadow where jagged canyons lay below sharp banks, the rocks that lay on the banks of the small stream therein sharp and unforgiving. Nor did he see the snake that slithered between the horses feet. The only warning he had was the frightened winney his animal gave, cerulean eyes flashing open as the child was sent flying over the bank, pain shooting through his body like a thousand knives before everything fell black.

\----------------------

When the boy awoke, it was to worried eyes surrounding him, one pair of crimson in particular. He became dimly aware of fingers clutching his own. Ludwig glanced around slowly, gasping slightly in pain as he tried to sort through his thoughts through the haze of confusion and grogginess. How had he gotten back to his room? The last he’d remembered was being thrown from his horse, and then nothingness. “B-bruder?” He questioned, the child’s voice a hoarse whisper. Pain began to wash over him more fully, a scream falling from his lips. “Bruder, it hurts!!”  
Gilbert bit back tears as he clutched his brother’s hand tighter, dipping to kiss his head in a vain attempt at comfort as he wiped away the tears, gnawing at his lip. Thank God Ludwig was finally awake… but how? How was he going to tell this little boy who he so adored what had happened? “Shhh… shhh, Hasi, I know it does. I’m here… big bruder’s got you…” He voice was pained as he brushed the others hair off of his face, waiting for him to notice.   
And then it came, in a shrill shriek of terror.  
“I can’t feel my legs!! Gilbert, I can’t move! Why can’t I move!!” Blue eyes glanced up to Gilbert’s desperately, both Frederick and the doctor looking at the child in sympathy as Gilbert carefully tugged the comforter down to show his brother what had happened, one leg missing just above the knee, wrapped tightly in fresh bandages.  
“You… you had an accident, Ludwig. We found you lying in the ravine. You were… you were unconscious and… God, there was so much blood, Hasi. The doctor tried to save your leg but… we worried infection was going to set in. You… you damaged your spine as well… Ludwig, I-” He was unable to keep the tears from his eyes, from his voice as he swallowed the lump in his throat and continued. “You… you won’t be able to walk anymore. I’m… I’m going to take care of you though… Frederick bought you a chair, a really nice one… and… and I’ll take you into the garden every day and into town…” He tried to console miserably, clearly failing as the boy began to hyperventilate. There was a possibility of the leg growing back some day, of his spine healing. But the younger nation had spent three years with humans, and his body had adjusted more to his human state than his nation one. He was unsure his healing would kick in at all. All he could do was pray as he shifted on the bed, scooping the blonde onto his lap and pulling the blankets around him tightly. There was still so much to worry about.. Infection was a big one. And if illness hit his human body, real illness not caused by his politics...   
Gilbert wasn’t sure what would happen. He would be there for his brother. He would take care of him, and love him the same. All he could do was gather him closer in his eyes, and hold the boy tight as he wailed, fighting the doctors away frightenedly. He felt helpless, unable to do anything to ease his sweet one’s pain, or fear.   
“Shhh… shhh, little one. I’ve got you… I’m here.”


End file.
